POTLUCK Boobs

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Hi and welcome to today's Potluck episode of Assassin's Sips. Today our topic is boobs. All about them. Everything about them. Uh I'm one of your hosts, I'm Lisa, and today I'm sipping on the red.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

Good job. Thank you. Agnes. Oh I'm sorry, I had to get off. I had to get my laugh out. Did you forget? Who am I? I am your other tipsy co-host, Agnes, and I'm sipping on blueberry lavender cappuccino with a lot of Kahlua in it.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

And we have two special guests with us today. We have Dustin and we have Rain. Please introduce yourself, guys. Whoever wants to go first.

SPEAKER_08 0:55

Go port Rain.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

Hi, I'm Rain, and today it's just a nice Filipino coffee for me.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

You fancy. What makes it Filipino coffee? And I love your mug, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Um I I don't know. That's what it's called. We order it in packets. Oh, in the Philippines. They do like a three-in-one coffee mix. So it's got like the creamer, the coffee, and like milk powder. Oh, but it tastes really good.

unknown 1:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 1:28

Is it like instant coffee?

SPEAKER_02 1:29

It's like it, but yeah, it's just it's already got all the uh creamer and like milk powder in it and the sugar, so they're that's what I have, because I bought the um cappuccino mix from my local gas station because the machines and they have like the packets on sale sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 1:47

So just like add water, I add coffee.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

I get like it's a brand called Copico, and I buy it by the freaking sack. So good.

SPEAKER_04 1:59

Nice. I'm gonna do that now. Dustin.

SPEAKER_08 2:03

Hi, I'm Dustin, and I am literally sipping on water because I've already had two cups of coffee in a little I was moving mine. I don't know if you can tell, these two know. You don't, Green, but I've moved things around finally. So the window is right here, and I get a lot more light because when we did our little thing the other day, it was blurring me out constantly because I didn't have enough light, and I'm like, okay, I gotta change this up. So um, but yeah, I've got a lot of energy right now. So that's all that coffee, that's all I need. So nice.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Three of us have boobs, and Dustin is like, can I spill the tea up for a second? Dustin's like, uh, I don't like I don't know. I don't want to build a med.

SPEAKER_08 2:49

I mean, I don't even have pecs, so you can't even count that.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

So I was like, um, like I'm not in I don't have boobs, like I'm not into boobs. Are you sure you want me there?

SPEAKER_08 2:59

I'm a gay guy, I'm not into them, sorry. I really have no big opinion other than they're used for you know beating babies. That's about it. So in my case.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

But that's why you're perfect, because it's a totally odd, not odd, like odd man out in that sense. Opinion.

SPEAKER_06 3:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

You have no you have no no dog in this fight. Right. No in this race. Yeah. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_08 3:25

I did make myself laugh earlier. I'm gonna say this because it was done. I was like, we're gonna talk about boobs. I'm like, titty talk.

SPEAKER_05 3:32

Titty talk.

unknown 3:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 3:34

Talking titties with Sass's sip.

SPEAKER_04 3:38

We might have to borrow that from you.

SPEAKER_08 3:40

Go for it.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

And I I I was I was just editing the video uh from uh never got around to posting it when Agnes and I were doing our tasting and we spilled all the she she tried to slurp and it all went down her shirt.

SPEAKER_04 4:01

Oh everything goes down into these boobs. By the end of the day, I have a whole snack, midnight snack in my bra. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_08 4:10

Is it kind of like the belly button thing where you get lint down there too?

SPEAKER_04 4:13

And it could.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

It could, but mostly cookie crumbs, snacks, snacks and snacks. Do you, Rain, do you find crumbs in your bra at night also?

SPEAKER_02 4:26

So I usually it's bad, um, especially when my kids were younger. Like I would not only find my snacks, but their snacks too, because if I was holding them while they ate, there would be so like I'll sit there and I'll walk around. And I I have larger, but I have pretty big breasts. And I will sit there and I live in Texas, it gets hot. I start looking around in the summer and I'm just like, I don't even know what the fuck is in there. Like, when did I eat that? And I'm like, I take a shower like twice a day. I'm perimenopausal. I sweat like ridiculous, yeah, like it's crazy. I'm sitting in the store, I'm like, it's freezing. My kids are like, I need a sweater. And I'm like, was it legal to go without your shirt on? I'm hot. I'm gonna go jump.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

It is in New York.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

I was like, Texas is I'm like, probably not. Probably. Um but yeah, and I'm like, I don't even know when I ate that. Like, I think I'm trying other people's snacks in my bra. I think strangers, like, you know, when you see the um like people will like I've seen it like the trope on shows where someone will dump something in someone else's bag as they're walking by. I feel like maybe because I usually wear like super, they're just dumping their snacks in my boobs as I'm walking by.

SPEAKER_08 5:36

You look over there, what?

SPEAKER_02 5:37

And then and I'm like, if you're gonna put stuff in my titties, put some money in there. I need cash. I got a mortgage, like money, not snacks.

SPEAKER_04 5:45

I'm not mad at that. I'm like, okay, you want to throw a hundred in there just because they're there? I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_08 5:52

I will take a gift card.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Right?

SPEAKER_02 5:54

I'm like, look, uh, cash, gift cards, like, you know, Magic the Gathering cards, if they're really expensive ones. Uh video game, gas cards, gas cards, Starbucks, okay, Starbucks, Dutch Brothers, anything, but just give me something in exchange. Like, damn.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Oh. I've I've growing up and I mean, with the exception of like being pregnant and nursing and stuff, I've always pretty much been a member of the itty bitty titty committee. So now I guess like I had gained weight uh during COVID and it stuck a little on here. So I'm like, oh, okay. I'm I'm okay with that. But now that I'm losing a little bit of that weight, I'm like, oh, I see the gap in my bra, which oh my god, I hate the gap in the bra. Dustin is I'm sorry, Dustin, you're like, what the hell is the gap?

SPEAKER_04 6:51

Like the breast gap. The gap in the breast. Right, like the middle gap or the gap.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Yeah, like would you slouch or you sit forward and then it's like, well, I could fit another set in there because there's so much room. You have to get the chicken, the chicken cutlets. That's what I call the. I have them. I have them, but you know, then it's like, oh, but are am I rocking fake boobs? Is does it count? I would.

SPEAKER_08 7:15

I mean, I kind of understand that with like my no-ass self. So it's like I have this gap in my I'm like, oh, this is sad. No, why my pants sag it now? I don't like this. Like I have a butt and now it's gone. And you know, you could probably stick things down there too. I wouldn't like I would, I mean reasonably talking, like not yeah, I you know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 7:39

Okay. I wasn't even thinking that to you, said it.

SPEAKER_08 7:45

What's bad as I was because I knew I knew you were because that's all you're thinking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

So apologies. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_08 7:53

It's fun.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

It's visual, just swipe it a credit card, not the crack.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

Like swipe, swipe.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

I wish that worked.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

I mean, that would that would work here too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

That is square by titties. Right a square, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Oh when okay, I don't know if this is just me, but when you see people, uh, whether it's I don't know, like on television or in real life, and especially when people are dressed up, does anyone else immediately check out, okay, how do the boobs look in that outfit? Or is it just me?

SPEAKER_04 8:42

100%. First thing I look at. Boob or in the S. Because that's what I'm looking at when I'm getting dressed boobs. Right. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

Everything looks great. So yeah, it's and especially if they're larger chested like me and they're wearing a strapless dress. I'm like, tell me, tell me away. Like, what is this witchcraft?

SPEAKER_04 9:05

What is this? Because pasties, they used to work when I was younger. They don't work now. So I'm like, okay, where's a duct tape?

SPEAKER_06 9:13

So I've never done that.

SPEAKER_02 9:17

I did a cosplay recently and it was a strapless dress. And so what I ended up having to do is the hair, like I had a really long wig for it. And so basically, I kind of from the front, which is all anyone cares about anyway. So from the front, I basically put like clear straps, like sewed them in so I could still hold that up, and then had the hair strategically covering the straps because I was like, there's there's no way. There was no way.

SPEAKER_04 9:46

Because that double-sided tape on the dress doesn't work for big tits.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

No, it doesn't. And because then the dress can fall down. So I was having to like double-sided tape the dress to the bra anyway. So it's like, I need everything too.

SPEAKER_08 10:02

I've always wondered about it because I'll see women, I'll I'll think the same, but like, how is that staying on? Like, how is that not how are they just not popping out like every second?

SPEAKER_02 10:12

Either tape or glue. I use um like I buy glue to go with my thigh-high socks to keep them up if I don't want to wear the the garters. And so it's just basically body safe glue, and you just I guess it's kind of like that, what is that?

SPEAKER_08 10:27

Um that that that makeup glue for like putting on hair. It might be the same type of stuff.

SPEAKER_02 10:32

It might be. It's it's a lot, it's very uh probably similar. They just charge more because it's the women are buying it, yeah, for women, so it becomes a big thing. The female text, yeah. Yeah. I mean, most It's pink.

SPEAKER_08 10:46

We gotta make sure they pay more for it. Yeah, it costs so much more to use pink.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Right. Well, obviously. Ah, eye roll. Most strapless bras usually have um like underneath and like around the straps. It's I don't know what you call it. It's kind of like a plastic, but it's like that like a silicone with Oh yeah, like the grip. Yeah, so that it it helps grip your body. But even on someone like me, I mean it doesn't fall off, but it still tends to slide down. And um some strapless outfits also have it, so it'll help because I don't I don't know. I only know like from me if if I wear something strapless, I mean of course it tends to s sag down, and I'm always worried that because I don't have as much here, will it just slide off? So I don't know if having a bigger chest, like if if having bigger breasts is helpful for maybe not for the bra, but for the outfit, because then there's no because it's no like you know what it's elastic?

SPEAKER_02 12:00

It's because the it those aren't made to so when you have the elastic or the silicone, it doesn't there's a fine line between like helping it to stay up, but also not trying to be like constrictive. So unless you get something that's tight anyway, if it has any kind of loose shape to it, then yeah, it's you're like one hard sneeze away from a wardrobe malfunction.

SPEAKER_04 12:28

Do the Jetta Jackson at all.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yeah, I was like, and then I'm gonna tell all these people they got to see them, they owe me 20 bucks a pot.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

Definitely listen, people have been using our bodies to sell shit since the beginning of media ever, yeah. Yeah, so fuck it, yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:48

Because sex sells and literally, but our sex sells. Like I that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_08 12:54

Like, and that's where everybody goes straight to well, it it it sex sells to gay guys too, but you gotta, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:59

Oh, but it's a different, different marketing.

SPEAKER_08 13:01

But mainly, yeah. For overall, when before they started selling to the gays, like they were like, all right, women, boom, and even to other women, because they're like, oh, you're gonna look sexy doing this, like this girl does, you know, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_04 13:12

So and it goes to that how it's okay for men to look at women's bodies and appreciate women's bodies, but when the moment we actually love and appreciate ourselves, oh my God, you're so narcissistic. Oh my god, you're so vain. But you looked at the same thing I'm looking at, but it's okay for you to look at me, but I can't look at me.

SPEAKER_08 13:32

Um Do you think that comes more from other women or from men as well? Like as far as like ratio-wise, like who who who would you probably receive it more from? I would think, in my personal opinion, from what I've seen, it seems like other women judge other women more.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

So I was about to say, my unfortunate experience, because I am kind of out there a lot, it's the the meanest comments I get from how my voice sounds to how my body looks to what I should or shouldn't wear is women, unfortunately. And most men have been really kind of whatever about it. That's not my target demographic, so I don't have a ton of like male followers because everything I do is more geared toward women, but some of the stuff I do, it just has a larger male demographic by default, and they're like, hey, we love you, this is great. And then the the the women that come in are like, but did you get picked?

SPEAKER_00 14:36

I was like every fucking day, like I think in my experience it's the same, but it's on it's the same in extreme because the meanest things will come from other women, but then so the most uh kindest and supportive things. And it's it's so uh crazy how uh we can be the worst and the best.

SPEAKER_08 15:31

But you know what, it's like it's kind of like on both sides of this because like it's just people's projection of their own insecurities, and so they gotta make sure you feel bad so that they feel a little better about themselves. And that's that's on men and women. Like men do it a lot, especially with like um um women characters becoming more prominent than the male characters.

SPEAKER_07 15:53

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 15:54

Like look at the Marvel universe or something. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_07 15:56

Like, why are you changing things? No, women, nah, I don't like this. Like, because it's not a man, like you got everything, guys. We have men everywhere.

SPEAKER_08 16:05

Let the women have their day. It's the same thing for white people. Hey, white people, we're we're the majority of what's in entertainment. Like, let's let some other people have a shot in the spotlight. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 16:16

So like that's one where I literally don't get the outrage. Like, and someone asked me, they're like, what would you do if someone like made the characters in your book different? I don't I don't give a shit. I'm not invested like that.

SPEAKER_07 16:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Let them be whatever you picture them to be. Like, why are we so hung up on and I want my kids, I expect my kids to see like women doing things, men doing things, people of different, especially underrepresented minorities because of where I live and I've seen I'm like, everyone should see someone that they can look up to in that capacity.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

And representation goes way further than just what the color of your skin is. And I think sometimes we get so lost in the whole race and gender bias, I guess for lack of a better word, that we forget that there's there's so much more. And it's funny because I had told Agnes just, I don't know, like last week maybe that I I wanted to do one of these on representation because it's like the it it just it's so important for us, the royal us to see people doing things that represent us, but not just white, black, boy, girl, you know, just just so much worse.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

That very like for lack of better term, very black and white dichotomy of like putting everybody into just one little box of you are just this, check the box, there we go. No. And you know, I think it got a lot worse after lockdown happened and people just lost so much of their everything turned into a dumpster fire, and people were so burned out that all of this consideration and empathy that you normally had that reservoir to give to others, it just disappeared because so many people were like, I I literally can't even afford to eat. And also half of my family died from COVID. So this sucks. Um, but unfortunately, everyone kind of moved to being chronically online, I think. And now it because you get that feedback when you're when you're nasty online, it gets you way more uh attention to be mean. And people get that feedback of like they like that, you know, they get that dopamine hit from like they go say some really nasty shit.

SPEAKER_04 18:55

Misery loves company. And yeah, and next thing it's easier to be nasty for them. Right, easier. It takes less energy, and you it's easier not to give a flying fake newton by anyone else's feelings. So, and that just ex that just turned to an extreme.

SPEAKER_08 19:13

Oh, yeah, it got really extreme at COVID because they're both stuck inside, and you know, we're all sitting there. And the funny thing is that I'm I don't have like a lot of like people who come over to my house or I hang out with all the time, right? So I'm alone a lot of the time. And during COVID, I was like, this is nothing new, and everybody else is going nuts. And I'm like, my world, guys, and I'm sane.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

I told my husband I felt bad saying it like at the time, but because I was such a homebody and I worked from home anyway, I was already at home. So for me, it's like, you mean now I don't have to go anywhere? Like, but my then the struggle there was though, my kids are hugely social. They all love to go out, be out, do it, you know. And so for them, that's where we had the hard time was with my kids. And they started getting to the age of being online during COVID. And I had to go over. It's like, okay, if you want to get in on those nasty comments, here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna type it out and just send it to me. And that way you get the satisfaction of sending it, and not it's not out there in the world.

SPEAKER_04 20:20

World. You can't you can't pull it back. Yeah, you can't take that back. Even if you type it, say it, you can't take that back. Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

I was like, just just type it in your messages to me, send it to me. Then you've got that satisfaction. You've sent it, but you're not gonna make I tell them the big thing I tell them every day is like you can be mad at people, you can even hate somebody. I don't care, but you're not gonna make anyone's day worse on your behalf. Period.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Nor are you gonna change their mind.

unknown 20:47

Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:47

Um, you're not gonna fight, don't fight with people over some of it doesn't even matter.

SPEAKER_02 20:53

They're on there fighting over, you know, if a girl's too fat to wear this, or if a guy's too short to do this, and I'm like, I give two flying fucks about any of that.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

Even the important stuff, it doesn't make sense to argue about because, like Lisa said, you're not gonna change their minds.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

You're not gonna change their mind, but especially someone I'm like stupid things. Right. Why are you watching that anyway? You don't even like that. You're just trying to get mad on purpose.

SPEAKER_04 21:17

Yeah. Right. That's exactly what it is. It's like when you're people on different Facebook pages or what have you, Instagram pages, and they have the nastiest things. Like you, this is a reality TV show fan favorite page. If you hate reality TV, why are you why why comment?

SPEAKER_02 21:38

Keystone. I'll tell someone one day, because I did, I I posted clips of something I did, and some guy was on there just like, you know, uh, whatever. And I was like, my brother in Christ, this is fine, but have you ever tried fucking in tacos? Like, go fuck, go have some good tacos, go get a margarita and get the fuck off my page. Like, there are better things to do with your day. Brunch is out there, bottomless mimosas are a great fucking thing. Go for it.

SPEAKER_08 22:09

Oh yes, they are.

unknown 22:10

Oh god.

SPEAKER_08 22:11

Oh, yes. That's what I wish I had this morning.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Fine. I was like, look, chiladas, the taco truck, enjoy your day. Like, come on. But there's better stuff to do than mess with me.

SPEAKER_00 22:27

And it's funny because during COVID especially I feel like so many more people were fighting for that attention because they weren't getting it in other places. And and then it's funny because as content creators there were so many times where Agnes and I were like, do you think maybe we should just do this in like our underwear or like in our lingerie so that we could just, you know, get views and grab some attention.

SPEAKER_08 22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Yeah, grab some attention because you know that boobs. We never did, obviously. Yeah. But no, we wouldn't ever. I don't think I could. I don't have the balls.

SPEAKER_08 23:07

You don't.

SPEAKER_04 23:08

I will. You might have the boobs. The boobs to do it. Don't I have the boobs to do it? I have I don't have the balls. I might have the boobs to do it. You do have the boobs to do it, but yeah, I think the same thing.

SPEAKER_08 23:19

Sometimes I'm like, man, I I know I'm funny. I know that people like me. I just they don't like just look at my shit. I got stuff. Please, yes. I'm like, I'm afraid maybe I should just get ripped and be like, yeah, look at these abs. And I'm funny.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_08 23:33

Like, hey, by the way, I talk about TV. Look at these abs.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

Come for the fine body, stay for the funny content.

SPEAKER_08 23:41

Stay for the personality.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

Like the OnlyFans page, but once you subscribe, you get me, Lisa, and up a jab with with a and a hand of bun.

unknown 23:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

You like the button.

SPEAKER_08 23:53

You watch me eat this hot dog really slow.

SPEAKER_04 23:56

You know, drink this wine really, really suggestively. Oh, I spilled something.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

Like, oh no, write down my chest.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Write down my boobs. Right?

SPEAKER_08 24:06

What am I gonna do? Who's gonna get this up for me? You know?

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Hey, my my tongue can reach. Just wow. Wow. Wow. That's it. And I'm not well, well endowed, but like, you know, with a little lift and a little yeah, I couldn't.

SPEAKER_08 24:21

Hey, not everybody loves huge boobs. You know, some people like the you know itty bitty titty committee, you know?

SPEAKER_00 24:27

My whole lick's elbows seems bad. I do. I can lick my own and somebody else's. Oh, your like that has a backstory. I I have proved that Snapple fact wrong. Man. She may or may not lick my anomaly.

SPEAKER_08 24:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:43

Oh. I mean, you know, Snapple Fact. You can't lick your own elbow. I can. I can never see you do that. Yeah. No.

SPEAKER_08 24:53

Everybody's got a weird talent of some sort they can do with their body. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Like here all weak folks.

SPEAKER_08 25:01

I can I can like look crossey, but then focus one eye forward and the other one staying like this, and then I can switch them.

SPEAKER_06 25:08

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 25:09

You want to see it? Yeah. Let me show you. All right. So here's the crosse eye.

SPEAKER_06 25:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_08 25:13

And now here's this.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Oh. Oh. Oh. Wow. Okay. I don't have anything cool like that. I'm just boring.

SPEAKER_08 25:24

No, you got something you thought. You can't think of it right now.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My husband's always like, anything more than a handful is too much. And I'm like, I think he just says that to make me feel better. But I'll take it.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

It's it's boobs. And I think a lot of like all the so all the women I've dated are like, they don't care. And most of the men I've dated though, they're just like, they're just so happy to be like having some to like grab on that they they also don't care. You're giving them access.

SPEAKER_08 25:53

It's the same thing for guys though, and and their endowments, you know, it's like sometimes it's good to look at a big one, but then you're like, I can do anything with that.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

I'd like to look at it though. I feel the same way though. And I've I've told so many people, like when I see them talking about, well, I'm this big, and I'm like, where the fuck are you gonna put not that not in here, not down there? That's like I'm gonna sit there and I'm like, I'm just just here, just right here.

SPEAKER_08 26:22

That'd be the most I can go with that.

SPEAKER_03 26:23

I'm picturing that and I'm like, that's like dude, that that's not measuring like my cervex is this long.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

I'm like, this is I was like, that's up to my freaking literal guts. Like, that's my diaphragm at that point. We can't do I I I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_08 26:41

I don't understand people like I've seen you know some adult films and they're taking a lot, you know. And where is this going? Is there like a is there another dimension? Is like a riff inside that I don't know about a bag of holding. Their cervix is actually a bag of holding and their body is the TARDIS and it's just right in. You know, it's bigger on the inside.

SPEAKER_02 27:02

But it would have to be that's what it would have to be because where are you putting that? I see like I go into these like toy stores and I'm like, where where are y'all putting that? That's that's just gotta be a conversation piece because where can that go? I feel like that's a medical mystery.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Like how does it I have had three kids born vaginally, and even I'm like if some of those things that like you and I'm just like, no, no, sir, keep that away from not I mean I'm married, but you know what I mean? Like but if but if that was what was in his pants, I don't think we would be here today because you know, as as as the joke goes, he tickles my heart, but too much is too much.

SPEAKER_07 27:50

Don't tickle my throat. Yeah, my lungs.

SPEAKER_04 27:53

The heart of the minute, don't go up to the throat. In one way, out in the other.

SPEAKER_08 28:01

Oh no, back it out, back it out. Oh anyway, back on the boob talk.

SPEAKER_04 28:09

I know, we beyond woo. We always do. Yeah, this is an actual, this a normal tangent for us.

SPEAKER_08 28:17

So I don't do obviously I don't do much with boobs, but like my friend um I won't say your name, so she's she's pretty well endowed. And uh we used to, you know, I'm the gay best friend thing. So I would go up to her and I would just start and she's looking at me like you're having fun.

SPEAKER_06 28:39

Yeah, yeah. So you have fun with boobs.

SPEAKER_08 28:44

It's not, but like I don't really need, I don't desire it, I just kind of do it just because it's funny. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 28:49

Like it's not, you know, it's not sexual in any way, obviously, but like, you know, like I can't think, but okay, it's a curiosity because here's the deal like I get that because also and I see men's bodies sometimes, and I'm just like how like I straight up asked my husband one time because he got out of the shower and he was obviously naked, and you can see everything, and I'm like, How are those comfortable? Like, how does that work?

SPEAKER_08 29:24

Like oh, every man positions them differently. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

And I was just like, I don't under, I was like, that is the most impractical placement of anything on a human body ever. I remember having to change, I have one boy, and I remember when I was changing his diapers, and I was just like, when he was a baby, and all I have three girls and one boy, and I was like, Well, this is just comical, like trying to change those diapers. I was like, this is this is so impractical for diapers.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

This is how does this how does this work? You would think that but like man bras made a long time ago. You know, that's something Oh, you'd be surprised at the stuff.

SPEAKER_08 30:06

So think about it this way. So there's different types of underwear for men. There's the briefs, there's the boxer briefs, there's the boxers, there's well, commando. Even some men have thongs, some men like just having jock straps. I don't know why, but um, I don't see the purpose of a jock strap when a brief does the exact same thing. I really don't understand. And you're just assless. That's all. That's the difference. That's the only thing. You have nothing in the back, like except for the strap that go under the butt. But um, there is a different way, like different men position themselves differently, and I'm trying to find this like picture. I swear I have it. I have to have it still.

SPEAKER_06 30:39

It's in my uh I love a good visual.

SPEAKER_08 30:42

If I can find it, hopefully I didn't get rid of it. I might have gotten rid of it. I'm so mad at myself. Uh, it's okay. I think I got rid of it, but it's okay. So there's there's the um you have the we'll just say shaft. So some people position it up with the like so it's like this. Like here's the paws, and they position it up, and you know, and then other ones tuck it over on top. That's more uncomfortable for me because everything's bunched together, you know what I mean, and press down. Some people find it comfortable. I don't know why. Um that's that's their deal, you know? And um I am coming to find out, like, oh, there many men aren't as well endowed as I thought they were. Like, I thought they were bigger. Because my experiences up until a certain point of age were everybody was a little bigger than I thought. You know, I was like, oh, this is the average size. No, it's not. I just happened to be lucky and meet some people that had decent sizes that weren't like overwhelmingly big. You know what I mean? Like a good, happy medium, I guess you could say. I mean I'm not sure. And I met some went out with some guys that were, oh, I was surprised that that was smaller, but you know, it's okay. I don't mind, and as long as it's like not teeny tiny, you know what I mean? Like just the average is supposed to be like five inches hard. So it's between like, you know, I think it's like internationally, it's like five. And then like, but certain countries have bigger than others.

SPEAKER_04 32:09

So each bigger is about an inch, right? So you're like five.

SPEAKER_08 32:13

Kinda, yeah, it depends.

SPEAKER_04 32:16

Average.

SPEAKER_08 32:18

Well, they say that the the the tip of the the index to the tip of, you know, if you do the gun, that's the length of a man, typically of the man's. Okay, you should you test it out in your husband's and see if that's the case. It'd be like, hey, do this, and now put it next to this, you know. But it has to be, but that's when it's hard.

SPEAKER_04 32:34

So it's not like my next date was gonna be like, hey, excuse me, sir, come.

SPEAKER_08 32:39

Well, they always say it's like, oh, the size of your feet or the size of your shoes. I'm like, no, no, that'd be ten and a half, eleven inches, no.

SPEAKER_04 32:47

No, yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 32:48

To look at, I wish, but not, you know.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

Right, right.

SPEAKER_08 32:52

To intimidate.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

I mean, I'm not gonna lie. When I see people men TV, real life, whatever, and they got on tight pants, I'm like, where did they put it? And oh, and they're the tuck.

SPEAKER_08 33:06

Have you ever looked up uh John Hamm?

SPEAKER_00 33:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_08 33:11

That man does not hide it. It's there.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

No.

SPEAKER_08 33:14

He's walking down the street, it's like halfway down the leg. It's it's uh it's like wow. I see.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:20

Yeah, it was he was in the gym and they were recording, you know, Billy Bo Bob, and the guy behind them was working out and it was just all loose. And I I sort of got these disease. I was like, Wow. Yes, but but it's good to look at, but practical? No, no, no, yeah, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_08 33:42

Most people are growers, not showers, right? For the most part. So, and that's also explains a lot too. You're like, oh, they've got a you know, big member, and then you're like, but how do they fit it? Well, it's because it grows, guys. As big as that all the time. Right. And the people who are who are just who were literally showers who are the same, pretty much the same length, you know, the whole time, it's kind of like, well, they've gotten used to it, you know. And it's kind of like uh also you think about it with with bras. If you want to get back to the boob talk. So some people like the lace, some people like the underwire, some people like sports, you know what I mean? So it's like depending on what's the most comfortable for themselves, you know, whether or not um I'm guessing how big their chest is and and just what they've just grown up using or what was available to them, or you know, and so I guess it's kind of fits that way too, if you think about it.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

Which I hate all bras. I hate all bras. I hate them, but I need them. But I need them. I very much like if I want them up here at any point, then the bra's gotta happen. A good one. It was made by Michelin, I feel like like these are really good. If I wanna push up, they got some like power in them.

SPEAKER_04 34:54

I was telling Lisa, even mine always my nipples always face south. I just never that's the shape. Right. And that was just the shape, and they were never perky. But as I'm getting older, I'm losing fat muscle, so they're not as full. So now they're just like, I'm still the same bra size, but it's it's weird. It's just really, really, really weird. I'm like, okay, I can't wear anything smaller, but you looked it looks like little flappy ears.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

That's what one of my kids one time actually and she was it was my oldest, she was young. So I I knew it wasn't anything bad, but she was like, I was shower, like I'd got out of the showers getting dressed in front of her. I was pregnant, probably with my second at that point. And she's like, hey, do you know how you tell the difference between someone who's had a kid and someone who hasn't? I was like, God. Yeah, I feel like getting my feelings hurt. How? And she's like, because if you haven't had kids, your nipples point out. But once you have kids, your nipples point down because I had already like had a kid and got gained the weight, then lost the weight. So it was like, they were already like sagging. And I wasn't far enough in the pregnancy, like they had gotten bigger, but they weren't like perky because my milk hadn't come in yet. So like they were just saggy. I've had a kid boobs, and I was like, my kid just came in here and talked shit about my boobs. Like you're there's no one that can roast you like your kid.

SPEAKER_04 36:27

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_08 36:28

Because it hurts, it hurts more. It's so much more personal.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

Especially as a mother to daughters, no one can hurt my feelings. I got a daughter. I got three. Right. Right. You can't hurt my feelings.

SPEAKER_00 36:41

However, like I will say that that south and straight, that's a myth. Because yeah, I I was like that's that's my answer to Agnes all the time. Like, you you may have big boobs, but mine's still face forward.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

I love the fact I but mine never face forward, so I'm getting used to that. I had to explain to her, and then at that point I was like, okay, if you've gained or lost weight, sometimes it's just it's a genetic thing how your boobs respond to any of that.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

So and I think that that's also a a trait more with smaller breasted women, because we just don't have enough to go down. Like there's nowhere for them to go, there's not enough there.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

Like you don't get the like, yeah. I joke that mine, like because I had four and I nursed the younger two. And so I was like, I joke that at that point mine went from like 38 F to like 38 long. Like they just, yeah. I needed like, and so I and at that point I got super, you know, I didn't like having boobs when I was younger because I was an athlete. I ran cross country, I played volleyball, and I was much bigger than everybody else I developed, super young, and they were the like there was no hiding them. Uh and so I was like, I want them gone. I want them like completely. I like didn't want a reduction. I wanted them gone because they were just always in the way. I did like drill team and everything else. And so I couldn't fit in the uniforms. I would have to like put on like a sports bra and then a tank top, and then we would duct tape down my chest, which now I know is very dangerous. You're not supposed to do that, but we would duct tape stuff down so I could fit into the uniforms, and it was just my chest. Everything else was fine, and I was like, I want them gone.

SPEAKER_04 38:38

Because this is just like, you're in my way. What the hell are you doing? What are you doing? You're heavy, you're bouncing on, you're not gonna get a black eye, thanks. I'm like, dude.

SPEAKER_08 38:48

There's kind of that double-edged sword of like, you know, like the women who have like a cancer scare or whatever, and they get the masectomies, you know what I mean? Right. And and then they're like, oh, I feel great, and I don't have to worry about that anymore. But then at the same time, they kind of go, I feel less of a woman because I don't have them anymore. You know, and I don't think that clarifies you to be a woman, obviously, but I can understand where like, well, this is something that defined me for such a long time, and now it's not there. What's defining me, you know, and then even to yourself, I'm sure, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

And and as from someone who developed later, um, I don't think I probably didn't have boobs until I was like 13, 14. I was of, you know, and I remember always wearing like baggy sweaters and stuff in junior high school because it was embarrassing because then it was like, all my friends have boobs and I don't. And so it was like the total opposite of the spectrum because if in but in the same as that, like, well, they they identify you as a woman, and I don't have and I want them so bad. Like I remember drinking so much milk thinking that it was gonna like until one day somebody was like, uh no, like drink it if you want it. Yeah, not boobs.

SPEAKER_06 40:10

The wrong B.

SPEAKER_00 40:13

And it's it's crazy how y there's so much of our self-identity tied up in our boobs. And no matter what, it's like they're still just not um what's the word? Like like you have too much, you have a little, you don't have, you feel great, but then all of a sudden it's like how how did women become their boobs?

SPEAKER_08 40:42

That's what's paid attention to so much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:45

You really have to sit back and unpack, especially if you're if you have to have, like if you have a mastectomy or people that just have them reduced or whatever. You have to really do the work to unpack on like, okay, why do I feel like I'm tied up in having not having how they look? What's with the boobs? Because you get to, I don't know, because uh the way like I the the the kids that I work with and stuff like that are all very gender expansive or queer. And so there are a lot of transgender kids or gender non-conforming kids. And so you really have to work on your self-identity versus what the outside looks like, because sometimes for whether it might be completely out of your control that your outside just doesn't look like what people think it should. And so you have to really unpack all that like societal pressure of what it means to be, in this case, a woman. Um, so they say, you know, you have to have the boobs, but not it it's very funny. It's a very okay, not too they can't be saggy because we don't want a saggy boob. We want a nice, perky, a big boob, but not too big because then you're just showing out. That's just slutty, but not too tiny because then what are you even doing? But you shouldn't need a bra, but you have to wear a brave because if you don't, you're showing that's not okay. Um, and so there's all these rules about how to be and you really have to take that apart. And like I remember um because for the most part, like when I'm home, even when I go out and I'm not doing like sport, like not trying to be an adult, it's all like bralettes, like the sports bras, but not that I did they're not even like supportive sports bras. I get them from like Walmart. They're they call them sports bras. I think they're just glorified day bras. Um they're comfy, they're loose, there's no wires, there's no clips on the it's it's just a fucking pullover bra, or like a sleep bra maybe. And one of my kids is getting the point where she's old enough, she's almost 13, so it's very peer pressure and society and stuff like that. And she was like, like, mom, don't you wanna like and I was like, I don't.

SPEAKER_08 43:19

You'll understand one day, trust me.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

I was like, you'll you'll get there. And you know, I was like, you'll you'll get there. I don't give a I was like and I kind of because she kept going and going, and I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna embarrass you right now, but your dad's great with them, so leave me alone about it.

SPEAKER_07 43:38

Okay, we're done, we're done.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

This conversation's over. Exactly. That that is the way to I was like, your your your dad likes them, so and I I would still not I was like, I to be honest, would still like to not have them. Um because again, it just but now as a fat woman, I feel like I need to have them more because it would make me feel very dysphoric if I didn't. Because as a woman, I am also very I'm 5'10. And now that I'm bigger, I worry about I I I really need to have all those like it needs to be very obvious. Like I feel like it's obvious. Right. You want the curve. So be like disproportionate presentation. I've got a freaking I joke that like my butt is so big, like it enters the room. You know, like if I walk in the room backwards, it's going in before I do. It's got its own zip code. Like you could serve tea off of that butt shelf that I've got going on. So I feel like I need the balance. Really do. You're like, I don't want to tip over backwards if I'm exactly. I don't want to wear back like right. When I was like, you know, when I was pregnant, I would wear a backpack all the time to balance out the belly. Like I would wear like a, you know, I just put all my stuff in a backpack instead of a purse that would kind of balance that out for my back.

SPEAKER_08 45:05

That probably helped with your posture too.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

It's yeah, it keeps you from developing the like the hunch. Weird hunch, yeah, because I had to go to physical therapy for that after my first kid and I learned my lesson because it fucked up my back and my pelvis. So I learned. Kids, they fuck you up from the g from right from the start, don't they? I talked one of my kids, like two of my kids now are determined because every pregnancy of mine was high risk. And they watched me be pregnant. And I told them like that the time in a woman's life that's like most dangerous is postpartum, because that's when you're at higher risk for blood clots, that's when you're at the higher highest risk for like new autoimmune diseases, for new food allergies. And I got a new one of those every time I had a kid. And they were like, We never want to be pregnant. I was like, Yeah, I I don't blame you. That is a cat.

SPEAKER_03 46:00

We love it. We love you. We saw him like for like a minute. I'm like, oh, I want to see you. Yeah. He's such alpha. Hey buddy. He's so he's so dumb.

SPEAKER_06 46:14

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:17

A dumb cat is like the best kind of cat. He's he never he never got a turn with the one orange brain, so Oh, is he orange? He is orange.

SPEAKER_08 46:28

Yeah, that's why orange cats are crazy. They're like they're all over the map.

SPEAKER_04 46:32

Now that I caught him, he ran back off. That sounds about right. Speaking of usually Simon makes an appearance, so he's but he's in his bed.

SPEAKER_08 46:40

I have to keep muting because my dog keeps like scratching herself. That's why I keep looking off of the sun. Like, can you quit?

SPEAKER_00 46:47

Yeah, I have to take off my dog's collar because all you hear is the jingle. But okay, going back to boobs and like the whole pregnancy thing. I'm say no, no, like because we all do it. Um when I so I know you said you nursed two of your kids. I I nursed also, and it is crazy how if I walk down the street, I take off my shirt, and it's all like, ooh, you know, ooh, boobs. As soon as you stick a baby on one of those bad boys, it's like, oh my god, that's so no, not allowed. That's you know, that's uh oh, I forgot what the word.

SPEAKER_04 47:32

Inappropriate.

SPEAKER_02 47:34

Inappropriate. I got that a lot, especially living in the South. They added that extra layer of like religious, like, I can't believe you would be showing that in front of my sons or my husband or do you think this is transforming?

SPEAKER_08 47:48

I mean, like you're you're like don't get me started on like religious hypocrisy and things like that. You're like so you're about our body is a temple. God made us and we're this and this. We shouldn't change things, but hide it, hide it away, don't show anybody. Like, but if we all have this, why I'm not saying sexual stuff. I'm not saying go out there and you know waving everything around and be like, hey, look at me, you know, get some of this. I'm saying, like, hey, I'm feeding my child.

SPEAKER_02 48:16

Like, this is not something that's one of them got I had someone get really mad. She came up to me, and of course, she had her like sons with her, and she was just like, and so she starts talking to me, right? Well, one of my kids that I nursed was a very um if you bothered her while she was nursing, nipple comes out of the mouth, and she is looking at you. So, like, I'm standing there, so now I've like got a boob just hanging out, milk squirting, and I'm like, well, now this is what you're gonna get. You distract. And I was right, I I already hated I didn't hate nursing in public. So I had a condition called dysphoric milk ejection reflex, and that sucks. And so what happens is when your milk lets down, it causes like these overwhelming feel like negative emotions, like super severe, like the worst anxiety you've ever had, but it's tied to milk let down. So if I had to nurse anyway, I was already gonna be like feeling the absolute saddest I have ever felt in my entire life, or the most anxiety I've ever felt. And then for someone to come up to me while I'm like, okay, I've got to keep it together because this will be fine, and she's gotta eat, and then they're like, I can see your boob, and I'm like, then go buy me a coffee, but you're not helping. Yeah, you're not fucking helping.

SPEAKER_08 49:47

I don't understand, like, okay, so most of the time, I I understand like you gotta you gotta feed when you gotta feed. So you go off to the side, you sit down, you bring it out, and you be the kid, right? And then so I mean it's not like you're just doing it right in the middle of the line at Disney World, like you know, and and usually you have people with you, you're like, hold my spot, I gotta go do this, because you want to be comfortable as well. You wanna be sitting down, you wanna be, you know what I mean? You want to be in a position where you're kind of comfortable if you can be, right? And I don't understand why I see people, it's not it's becoming more uh prevalent to see people nursing in public more, you know, nowadays. And so, yeah, sure, not growing up seeing that, you're like, oh, you've kind of taken aback because you're not used to seeing something, right? It's not that I'm disgusted, it's just I'm surprised and like, oh, okay. And you know, I I don't care, do it, whatever you gotta do. But like if it were like in the middle of everybody in the middle of everything, that'd be kind of like, well, maybe don't do this. And I'm the person that would be like maybe just go over here, and I'm not saying it's a closed door, but like I will say I would do it kind of now.

SPEAKER_02 50:48

I wore my kids, like I had baby carriers. Oh, okay. Um, and so I would just, and I had like nursing tank tops, so I could just pull just the top down and then latch them on. And unless you knew what you were looking for, yeah, that's more discreet that way.

SPEAKER_08 51:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:05

Um I used to do the tank top, the the under tank top with the shelf bra, and then whatever on top, so then the outer shirt would come up and the tank top would come down. And so, like, God forbid I offend anybody, even by the side of like you know. Just a little bit of side boob, one little yeah, the little or or no, yeah, even like when you you lift it up and they see this, and it's like but my first I'm sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 51:31

No, oh no, I was gonna say I I would either or I would get like the cow neck shirt, like or something like this that was just like loose and I could pull it down. But even just if I didn't have the carrier, if I was sitting down like at the freaking like Target Cafe, you look like you're just that's the thing. When you're nursing, it's just you're you're you look like you're just cuddling them, that you're holding them. So my top might be down, but they've got their little cap or whatever. I'm not like like, let me take all this down and show everybody. It doesn't look like a porno.

SPEAKER_04 52:02

It's just the idea. It's the idea that you are feeding your child in a way that they don't like you aren't using your bits the right way.

SPEAKER_02 52:12

How dare I use my ping to feed my baby? Like my it was funny because even like my in-laws and my mom had a big problem with it. My dad had worked in Africa for years, and he was like, It's how you feed a fucking baby. But like everyone else was like, could you like go to your room? And I was like, I'm a grown-ass woman with a this is this is my house. Every room is my room.

SPEAKER_00 52:39

Every fucking room. Yeah, with my first, it was very much like that. I was very uh self-conscious and insecure and like all the things because no really no one around me had nursed. So it was very new, especially on one side of my family. And it was always like, okay, well, I'll just go into a room, you know, you have like the blanket and you kind of throw it like over the baby onto your shoulder because you know, God forbid somebody sees. But you know, by my third, I was like, when the bitch is hungry, she gonna get fed, you know, and that's it. And I don't care. Even with my second, it was her baptism and sh we're sitting in the front of the church. The priest, it we weren't the only baptism, but I think there was one other family, and then the priest is you know, doing his whole sermon and blah blah blah. And I have uh a dress with a v-neck, and so she starts, she wakes up, she wakes up hungry, she's pawing at my shirt, and I was like, Well, there's only one thing to do, whoop, right there in church, and I think the priest was like this is the way your God made us. Don't, you know, don't start with me. But it's like the kid is hungry, the kid is hungry, you know. This is gonna be worse if I don't feed her. But yeah, by the third, I would have been the one in the Disney line feeding the baby right then and there.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

By the by the fourth kid, my kid, my older kids would be like, Mom, at least throw on a shirt before you answer the door. I'm like, UPS man didn't want to see titties, he wouldn't have come to my door in the first place. Everybody gonna see some titties because if you get me in my house, that's at home. I was like, I just would have usually if you've had kids, you know, the hormones after you're just like sweaty. I was sweaty all the time. It was Texas in the summer. And I was like, I'm just wearing a nursing bra, usually at home anyway. If I was home, it was just like a and it was like the nighttime nursing bra. It just had like the crisscross and you could pull either one out and some damn like yoga pants. I looked like a goblin. I didn't care. And I was like, if these people did not want to see now, but it was a great way to scare away the um all the religious people that would come to the door because nothing like answering the door with your titties out, and they're just like, we will never come back. I was like, thank you. I'm gonna have to remember that trick. Yeah, just answer the door open. Are you nursing?

SPEAKER_08 55:25

No, I just like doing this.

SPEAKER_02 55:26

No, I just they're really great.

SPEAKER_08 55:28

Like you want to give me the watchtower?

SPEAKER_02 55:33

I'm gonna give you something to watch, baby.

SPEAKER_04 55:38

Just like going to remember that. Oh my god, I love that. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_08 55:42

I was like, I had I dated I dated somebody, and and I think some Jehovah's Witnesses came by and I was like, oh me, I went to the door, and he was like in, I don't know if he was in the bathroom or whatever, and he knew right when they they he heard them saying, hi, we're here to talk to you about this. And he's like, Honey, I can't get the dildo out. He's just yelling, like, and I'm like, oh my god, why are you doing this to me? I'm like, I'm so sorry. You probably shouldn't be here. Like you need to leave. Like, mm-mm. I'm like, honey, help me. I'm like, oh my god, stop it. I'm like, please leave, please leave now. Like, we're good. I'll take a copy. Thanks.

SPEAKER_04 56:19

Bye. They're like, we're never going back to that house again.

SPEAKER_08 56:24

Yeah, they're like, okay, we're done. Check that one off. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:26

They're like, we quit. We quit all of this. We're going into hiding.

SPEAKER_08 56:30

What I was gonna ask you guys, since we're talking about nursing, is like, how long did you nurse? Because there seems to be like a a lot of people love to just keep doing it up through the kids like two or three years old. I'm like, that's that's a little too much to me. Like, I like I'm like, that's not even just a little, that's a lot too much to me. Like, I'm thinking like before the baby can walk or maybe even speak, maybe we should stop. But because I heard somewhere that really like the best, like um nutritional and like autoimmune the passage from the mom to the baby is like within the first two weeks, that's where you get most of that out, like where you can like get your immunity's over. And that's where it helps to go there. And then after that, you can quit. You don't have to, but you can, like, after the first couple weeks, if if you are planning on nursing, you know. And so I think like some people just keep going. And I'm like, and I know a lot of it has to do with like the bond of the mother and the child, and it's kind of hard to break that that bond of the you know, feeding, and uh I'm sure that's probably yeah, part of its psychological.

SPEAKER_00 57:33

So for for breastfeeding, the colostrum which you get immediately is it's more yellow, it's not as much, and it's super, super concentrated, so it has t it's the you know, liquid gold. Liquid gold, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 57:49

All the hormones and everything, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 57:50

Yeah. Um, in terms of after that when your milk comes in, the truth is that if you plan to nurse breast milk tends not that formula is bad. If you choose to formula feed, then you choose to formula feed. That is best.

SPEAKER_08 58:10

And some people have to.

SPEAKER_00 58:11

But right, but but in comp comparison, um, breast milk is better because it is more specifically designed for your baby, because it has antibodies and and things in it. So from a scientific point of view, the longer you breastfeed, the better. Now for the people who breastfeed into the twos and the threes and the fours, I mean that's a personal thing. You know, I I I don't want to judge somebody else because that's not the decision that I would have made. But if it works for you and your family, I mean, you know, for me personally, my oldest two are 14 months apart. I nursed Oh wow. So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 59:03

It was like never ending, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:05

Yeah. So I nursed my first until about a week after my second was born. So for the there was a week there that I was doing tandem nursing and that was a lot. But then But it was but with every kid of mine, it was baby-led weaning, which is you just let the baby decide how much they want. And my kids always nursed at will. You know, whenever they were hungry, they fed. There was no schedule. My second, I nursed a little longer. She was she and and she would not take a bottle for shit. Like so even when I went to class or went to work and I pumped. Um she never she never drank formula, but she just would not take a bottle. Didn't matter. It it was breast milk inside, she just wouldn't take it. She nursed until about I want to say like maybe about a year and a half. And and obviously she was eating other things, she was drink, you know, drinking other things, but it was a source of comfort and we did it. And with my third, it was kind of the same thing. You know, even after we introduced food, she still wanted to nurse. So she was probably also about a year and a half or so when we stopped. But it was on them. I mean, I don't know personally how long I would have continued had they not wanted to stop. Uh I I don't think I would I mean, I know I wouldn't have been going into kindergarten for lunchtime. But but I mean I might have done it until like two or three years old.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:37

Oh, I've seen where some people have been doing it until they're like seven. I'm like, are they on solid foods yet?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

Like, right? It's not it's not one or the other. And they yeah, it's at that point they're also eat so they they're also eating at that point. They have food.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:52

Um, because otherwise they would be like malnourished as hell.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:56

That's where I get to the point where I think this is more about the mom's choice and not the kids, because you know what I mean? Because sometimes you just gotta break them off. Like you for any kind of habit or anything, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:07

Well, yeah. No, I and I formula fed my oldest too. I was in college and working, and my husband was uh I was working extra so he could finish his uh degree faster, so he could just focus on that and not have to work. So I was working, I went back, you know, when my oldest was five weeks old, I was back at work. And then with my second, I was I got three months off and then I was back. So I was like, yeah, I'm not even trying, I didn't nurse at all with them. Uh did not work. I tried the lactation consultants, found out later all of my kids have tongue ties uh really, really bad. So which was obviously the problem with the first two, and I just didn't know it. With the ones that I did nurse with my younger two, uh my younger two or my young my third weaned when she was she was a little over two, but I was pregnant with my fourth and my milk dried up because of that. And she had gotten um like just she came in and she was like one night she came in, she was like, it's gone. I was like, I guess it is, and she was like, okay, and she just got up and went and hung out with her dad. She was just like, I I guess I'll go get dad to put me to sleep. I was like, Oh, all right, that's cool, because you know, it hurt anyway at that point because my nipples were so like I couldn't even take a shower without it hurting. So I think part of it too was the reaction of she would latch on and I would like wince, and she was like, She couldn't get a good latch, and she was just like, I'm done. I'm like, that's fine. Like, that's fine. I need the break. My youngest was probably closer to two and a half. But at that point, here's why I did not push it because my advice had always been to people like start trying to get them off around a year. But I could tell with her, because I'd been down this road before with uh some of my other kids, I could tell she was autistic. Like I knew that was going to become a thing. And so I knew like she was very, very delayed in a lot of aspects. She was very speech delayed. And so for her, I knew that the change factor. She might have been chronologically, she was two and a half, but she was not at a two and a half year old stage of development. So I didn't push it earlier when she was one because that wasn't gonna be something that was gonna work. And then also we had a, you know, where due to my husband's career at the time, he would be gone for very, very long periods of time. And so it was more, and by that point at two and a half, she ate. I mean, it was a very, very fucking limited diet. Like she liked avocados, Greek yogurt, charo beans, and like that was it. But she was fine. She ate. She just had, I call it like the autistic diet, but she was just like, I got like three foods and that's it. She ate, she had a good appetite. At that point, it was strictly like bedtime and nap time. We didn't nurse all day. We only nursed at home at that point. Um, so we weren't, you know, by the time they were the younger two were about nine or ten months old. I'm like, you can at least wait till we get home. Like I can give you a sippy cup. Right. I was like, I can give you a sippy cup. Because eventually they would start drinking other stuff anyway, especially like when it's summer, you're like, here's some water, you need water. Once they're past like a year old, I think. So I'm like, yeah, you can have something that's not me. At that point, it really was just more pacifier. And I was more pacifier than anything else. Just it was a comfort thing. And but I will say, and I I was very glad when they weaned because you can start to feel like it's just you feel like you almost lose agency over your body a little bit. Like you're you're pregnant and then you're nursing, and it's just your body is not yours at all.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:19

Like you're a cow, one of those dairy pumping farm places.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:23

And so much of so any decisions I made though were no longer I could, you know, medical decisions was like, okay, well, I can't do this procedure right now because I can't take the drugs because my kid isn't weaned yet. And so there was a lot of uh almost I think like I had like mental backlash when I could finally wean, where I was just like, no, I'm gonna do everything I wanted to do that I couldn't do.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:48

And it um and it's like one of those things where it's bittersweet because when I was pregnant, I loved being pregnant. I loved being able to nurse my children. But at the same time, when you go back to being you, it it's so nice because there like there's time my youngest is 11. And so it's it's been a while. And there's times where I think, well, I'll never experience being pregnant again, I'll never experience nursing again. And you miss it. You miss that feeling. Feeling that bond that only you can experience with your child. But at the same time, I love being able to pour myself a glass of wine and not have to think twice about it. I wouldn't walk on the highway and do something dangerous. I can do it. It's just you.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:44

Like I remember because my husband used to always, because I would get so sick when I was pregnant and I would like pass out and stuff. Like it was just my body didn't like being pregnant. I loved it. My body did not love it. And he would always be like, Don't go alone. I don't want you to go alone. And I'm like, because he's in the arc, so we love like Zelda and nerdy stuff. So he'd always be like, It's dangerous to go alone. I'm like, no, I took this. And I'd rub my belly, and I'm like, no, I have I have this. I'm not alone. And he's just like, well, touche, but that's you know, that's not like that.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:13

You know what I mean. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:15

I was like, look, I'm not alone. I've got baby, like, I'm fine.

SPEAKER_08 1:07:18

And um baby comes out with a sword. Whoa!

SPEAKER_02 1:07:23

I've got you, mom. But I remember like I always keenly remember taking like that first long shower after I had a baby, and I kind of like rub my tummy, because you always do, and I'm like, there's nothing there. That's that's empty. What the fuck do I do now? And conversely, I'm like, how did they give me a baby? Like, do they know me? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Like, why'd you give me this kid? But also I I miss and it was because it was always like the whole, like, okay, let's get to the end so I can get this kid out of me safely. Like, I need to go long enough to get them out and they'll be safe and everything's fine. Especially because I had I've been pregnant 10 times. I've only had four children. So my body was a gauntlet to try to so I was like, I just need to get them to viability so I know that they've got a better shot if anything happens. That was always my biggest concern. And so I was like, it was always a sense of relief they're out and they're okay. But then it was always But they're out. No, they're out. And then I I remember when I had my fourth, because she was after my husband's vasectomy. And that was, I was like, you we can't be pregnant anymore. He's like, that's what I thought. And he went to the Uralas just didn't he's like, Well, you have low count. He's like, I paid you for no count. Yeah. Low count still knocked up my wife, dude. So we're sitting there, and I was like, I don't know if I can do this again, and I don't want to nurse again, and I don't want to do any of it again, and oh my god, yeah. And then I did it all again because I was like, well, because this is for sure it. This is for sure the last one. Because by now he should be no count, right? Like that was the thing. It was so far away because he had it done like while he was still on paternity leave with our third. So it had been over oh way over a year. But it can happen. They it it like where it creates like basically it goes around if they if they clip it and then it can re- can the canal can reform like around it. Where yeah. So that's like you'll see these guys years later, they've had vasectomies and they're convinced their wives are cheating because it's been like 15 years, and then they go and find out it's their kid. Evolution.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:50

Yeah. Body life finds a way.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:53

Life will fully say life finds a way. So I remember when I went into with my third, I went in for my blood pressure and I was at the hospital, I was in triage, they were just checking me, and I was in there, and I heard a woman. She was down, she was getting ready for her C-section. And she was telling them, she was like, Okay, well, uh, you know, just give me like 15 more minutes because my son's on the way. He was on his way to prom and he was gonna stop by before she went into her C-section. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:29

That's sweet, but a little unnecessary. Like, just go to your prom.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:33

Because he wanted, you know, he wanted to stop by. It was because, you know, his but he was like, it was crazy that she was like, no, we we we were one and done, and he's graduating this year. And here we are. And here we are. And he died of vasectomy, and they went through the whole shebang, and like it was his. The things you'll find out in Obi Triage are wild. Seriously. It's crazy about everyone's.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:00

I was gonna bring up the um because you were talking about like, you know, when you're nursing and whatnot, and like get sore, and you know, after a while, what what I found out, and I read this, I don't remember how long ago I read this, but yeah, I things just stick in my brain, so it's been around for a while. That supposedly men have more sensitive nipples than women do, because women are designed to breastfeed. So you've got to be less sensitive there in that area, I would think. You know what I mean? So it wouldn't hurt you for as long. After a while, obviously it's going to, but and I was like, oh, that makes sense. I was like, this is why so many men get their nipples pierced, all these gay guys get their nipples pierced, and I'm over and why would you do that to yourself? Like, it just if you want to do it, go for it. But like, why? Yeah. To me personally, I'm like, I could not do this. No, like they're just too sensitive.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:49

I mean, I could only compare for like I've I've never been a man, I've never had men nipples. I have She had to throw that out there, right? I've only have had woman nipples. I have had them both pierced, and I nursed three kids, and I will say that You didn't have the double streams, did you? No, they weren't pierced at the same time. I pierced one and then I took it out, and then I pierced, I was like, Oh, I missed it. I pierced the other one, and then I was like, nah, fuck it, take it out. But when I was nursing, it was more the opposite because at the very, very beginning, like moment one, it was new and awkward, and like, okay, this feels kind of strange because I've never done this before. Um and I was lucky, like all three of my kids, they they took immediately. Uh there was there wasn't much of a struggle. Nice. Yeah, and but after a couple of days, like maybe even just two days, it would get to the point where as soon as I knew that they were gonna and this happened with each of them, as soon as they were about to latch, I was bracing myself because it was sore. It was sore, I guess like anything, if you overuse it, it it becomes, you know, like sensitive. And so as soon as they would latch, it would be that immediate like and then like one or two minutes in, it was like, okay, we're good. I don't feel anything, we're fine. And then after I want to say a f maybe a couple of weeks, even that went away to the point where it was just like nothing, no big deal. And the funny thing is that like I said, my t my first two were only 14 months apart. And even though my oldest had still been nursing, and and more so for like nap time and bedtime and comfort, so really not like her steady diet, you know, just the sometimes. When my second was born, I went through it all over again. And I guess it's because I my body wasn't used to it being a constant, and maybe also they they sucked in different ways. So I went through it all over again, even though I had never technically stopped nursing. But then after, you know, again, it was just like it went away. It was nothing so by the end of our nursing, by the time they were weaned, I didn't have any pain. It was for me, it was only in the beginning.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:30

Well, yeah, because the the the un the quote unnatural shock of it all, it is natural, obviously, but you know what I'm saying? Like you're like, this isn't what usually happens, and so you're like, oh, oh, oh, well, you know, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:42

And for me, because they were tongue-tied. And then my third also had well, they all had lip ties as well. Um, so yeah, it just it just hurt for two years straight. That's it just always hurt.

SPEAKER_08 1:14:57

You know, I've I've read that um I read a lot about uh the sexes and what we experience and whatnot. And then and I thought, and I thought of my own theories of some things. I'm like, this is what I think is actually that how men and women are. So men are this is just an average, it's not the end all be also. Men are physically designed to deal with external discomfort, like picking up heavy things and you know, doing you know what I'm talking about? Like just that's how we're made. Women are made for the internal discomfort of like childbirth and like or um just having your period every you know every month. You know, it's you're like, oh, you get I'm not saying you you're used to it, but you're more adept to be able to handle it. So that's like when you see men and they get a little bit sick and they're just turning to little babies because they can't deal with it. They just can't deal with it. You know what I mean? Oh, I need to take care of me, you know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_02 1:15:50

So I'm like I think though part of that is social expectations.

SPEAKER_08 1:15:54

That that's too. That is too.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:56

Because I and for so I had a hysterectomy six years ago because of adenomiosis and endometriosis. So when I would get my periods, like we're talking like I was on like the strongest painkillers they could give me that did not work. Um, but it was still expected because and I mean, so I would walk around and literally also found out later there was a whole other lot of other stuff going into the the pelvic pain and stuff like that. But so it literally felt like someone had kicked me square like in my pubic bone for half of the month. And I still had two, and at that point, younger, much younger kids, but they people were just like, it's just a period. Get the fuck up and go on about your day. And I'm like, I promise it's not. I'm literally like debilitated. Like, I would just go lay in the tub, run the water as hot as I could get it, pour a glass of wine, and like cry because that's the only thing, because people are just like, get the fu and I had other I have autoimmune disease, I have chronic pain conditions, I hurt a lot. So I don't fuss about it because so like I'll use to it, kind of I'll tell my husband I'm like, I hurt today, or I have a migraine today or whatever. And he's okay with that, but other people were like like I remember going to work one day and I worked at a cloth diaper company, right? It's all women, it's a women, it's a uh there it was a woman owner, all the employees were female. We're you know, working with families, and I'm like, guys, like literally, I think like I just I'm so sick. I hurt so bad today, and they were like, Yeah, women hurt, suck it up. Like it was very like just going about your day. Um, whereas with women with men, that's I've even seen the the attitude of like if you see men that have like autoimmune conditions or chronic pain conditions or something like that, if they dare to open their fucking mouth about it, like so many people are like, you need to man up. Like, what's wrong with you? You're such a fucking don't be a big sissy baby. Like that's the and especially because since I'm in like a lot of the like chronic illness spaces, they're not very welcoming towards especially straight men. If you're you're you're you can't be a straight man there because they're like, well, why do you hurt? And I'm like, because they have the same pain sensors. Right. Like our bodies feel pain. They can have a condition. Now, a lot of those conditions affect women more than men. Some of them, it's a vast, overwhelming number, uh a larger percentage skewed toward women than toward men because of, again, the risk of autoimmune disease after childbirth and during hormonal fluctuations that that causes. Like I got to learn a couple of years ago that perimenopausal asthma is a thing. That asthma can just be triggered by your hormone shifting, and that's where I am. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:19:08

That's kind of like high blood pressure after childbirth. My mom developed that after me, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:13

Wow. Yep. I got that after my fourth kid, but I when my hormones started changing, and I was like, why can't I fucking breathe? I go in there like, oh yeah, your hormones are shifting, and that can actually cause. And you're just like, why does no one ever tell us all about these things? Like, you have to find out, like, it's surprised. Right. No one says anything. And I'm like, guys, I did my job. I was like fucking fruitful and multiplied way more than I really needed to. Like, I turned the factory into a fun house, and this is what I get. Like, I get asthma. And like, yeah. It's like, this is this is this is dumb. I should be able to to do fun stuff, not make sure I have my inhaler. Like, what the fuck is that? Oh, I they want to know why we're so angry at this.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:00

Like, we have from the moment girls, females hit puberty, we are no longer our own person. Ever. Ever again. Until the day we die, we are always someone else any time of the month. I was joking with Lisa. I was like, why don't men cheat? Because they're wives. Each week of the month, we're a different person.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:20

We have four women in one. And it's just crazy. You might you might double that. Why cheat? So, yeah, we're at a certain age, yeah. Not that we're angry per se, but yeah, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:33

It starts to go and I think I told someone I was I was talking to people because I have some friends that are child free. And one of them was kind of like, Oh, are you gonna come out with the speech of like, but we should have a baby? And I was like, no, I will never tell someone they should ever, ever, ever, ever have a child. I said, because here's the deal. I love my kids, they're fucking rad. We have so much fun. I love watching who they're becoming, like who they actually are as they develop their personalities and what they want out of life, and that's great. I said, having my kids, like being their mom is great, but motherhood being a mom, it's hard. It's hard.

SPEAKER_08 1:21:17

Like they're yeah, and traditionally moms do the more most work, they just do, you know, so sadly.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:25

And that just it feels I I told I said if if you're a halfway decent person, it changes your life irreg irrevocably. Um, and you you never get that back. You never go back to that because there's always this worry of these other people who for a long time it seems like their only goal in life is to try to kill themselves because they're constantly gonna put something in their mouth or they want to jump out the window or jump in the pool or run out into the street, lip over couches. I'm like they're just walking middle fingers that want to die. And so you're like you develop like this. Like I told I was like, my youngest is like 10 and a half, and I still don't sleep good because I feel like I'm always still half awake, like waiting for someone to like, mom, I need you, or the and especially because I had uh two that were elopers when they were younger. And so because of the autism, they would they would leave, they would try to leave the house. So we had to have all the latches up high and the special locks up high and like all the crazy baby gates, like places where you wouldn't normally put them. And so I would have periods of time where I just didn't sleep because I'm like, I've got to stay awake so they can't, because they would figure out the locks. Like they would figure out the latches, and I was like, when you're sitting there, like, okay, I have to literally be awake all the time so they don't run out of the house. And now that no one tries to and it's all fine, I'm like, okay, but my body has not gotten to the point where it thinks it's okay yet. Yeah. I'm like, no, we we can't rest. Something's about to happen.

SPEAKER_08 1:23:11

I can kind of understand that because I had to take care of my mom in the last few years of her life. And so every little sound I she made from downstairs, I'm like, you know, smallest thing. And sometimes you don't even need the sound. Sometimes you just know that intuition kicks in. Like I one night I woke up, I had fallen asleep probably like 10 or something, and an hour later I woke up. I was like, I need to go downstairs and check on mom. And I went downstairs, found her face down in her bed, unresponsive. She was convulsing. I'm like, oh my God. So you know, called 911. And thankfully, I did that in time because she would have passed away then. And so I got another like like uh four years with her. And um, yeah, so luckily. So yeah, I I get that. I get, you know, they call, oh my god, what's gonna happen? And my brother was like that. My brother was the escape artist. I wasn't, which is funny because you were saying because I am autistic. Like I'm on the spectrum, uh, Audi HD, whatever you want to call it. And yeah, hey, say and so like it was funny because I was like, no, I'm gonna stay here. I'm home, you know, I'm in a safe space. I'm not autistic, I'm in the safe space, I'm staying here, right? And he was like, let's go out. And in the middle of the night, they would get like all of a sudden the cops would show up, like, we found your son with your dog on the side of the highway. Just what he went to watch the big 18 wheelers.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:23

Yep.

SPEAKER_08 1:24:24

And so he just he literally went up to the interstate, not the highway, the interstate. And and was like people were going by 70 miles per hour, and he's just sitting there on the side of the road watching. And I'm like, I was a baby at this point.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:36

So right. My oldest was like, like, my oldest was like, if I'm in my crib, like they never had a desire to, they were like, This is fine. They never tried, so I I feel like that actually was it it lulled me into a false sense of like, hey, you know what, this is fine. This is fine. I can and they were so chill about it, as long as you know everything was the same and the routine was perfect, but they you know, they would get they would be in like their crib and stuff, and they were just like, this is fine. With my son, we had to and because you couldn't get now, they have like cribs and you can get like the zip top things and stuff like that, and you can make a safer kind of space. We did not have that as an option for him because he and he's like 16 and a half now, that was not an option. And when I tell you, we had to get to the point where w and because he could he figured out if he got where he could get the mattress flipped up, he could just climb it to get over the rail because we lowered the mattress and we raised the rail all the way. And he so we couldn't put blankets in with him, we couldn't put anything in there because he would use it to get himself out, and he still would figure it out. One day he actually figured out if he flipped the mattress up, he could scoot under and like move everything so he could and he would like basically have the crib taken half apart.

SPEAKER_08 1:26:04

Isn't that crazy how like how smart we are as like babies, and we figure out these things, and as we get older, we just get dumber. Like this thing, how does this work? And then like over here, you're like dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:19

I remember I was pregnant with my daughter when baby geniuses came out. Like how old I am. Um so every time I look at her, she's adult, she has our own kids, she has our own. I look at her, I'm like, I'm so proud of you, but damn, you can do some stupid shit as an adult. I'm like, meanwhile, I'm pregnant. I'm thinking, I'm like, oh, my baby's gonna be a genius. She's gonna be so smart. And she was as an infant. Right. Check on something, I'll be like back in two seconds. Hold on. Sorry. But the lack of sleep doesn't stop. I still I don't have that glass of wine before Beck. I gotta call my daughter. Are you home? You plan leaving out tonight? No, why? I'm like, just what I'm I want to have a glass of wine. She was like, She actually, what does that have to do with me? I said, just shut up and just go with it. Because God forbid that phone call and I had to be.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:13

And you're all drunk. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:15

I don't think I'm able to do that. And that's I I told my oldest who's 21, um, because uh they all my kids still live at home. And they um, but again, my oldest is only 21, so you know, of course the younger ones are still here, but everyone that has a phone has life 360 on their phones so that we all have location sharing all the time. They always know where me or dad is, so that I'm so jealous. I was like, and I told them too, I said, guys, because at first, because they were like, well, why do we have to have it? And I was like, if you live in our house, I was like, I'm not watching you. I said, but also part of it is because if they need to be picked up or need to go somewhere, they can figure out who's closer, me or dad. Like which parent can they is is gonna get there faster if they need us. I can also figure out, you know, where everyone is. If I need them to come home, do I need to come get them? Whatever. But um I told them, I said, look, I would in in an ideal situation, I was like, I I would love if you guys would keep that on like share your location with me like for forever. And I was like, no. That I was like, I I and again, because I don't watch them on it. But I if if I need to I was like, it's just knowing that I could see where they are, but also because two of them like one went through real bad separation anxiety with me, where she always wanted to know where I was, and I was like, see, now you can literally watch me on this thing. And I told I think part of it is um when my husband was in it was in his senior year of high school, it was right before we met, and he had a friend that he had grown up with, and it it ended up being a national case, but she went missing. Um and then they found out years later that the guy who was suspected um was trying to get a plea deal on another case, and so he took them to where her body was. Um, but he had been been on part of like he'd been out with Equa Search, like searching for her, trying to find her, and they never found her. And eventually, like I say, the guy said where she was. Um, and then her family had to go through that all over again. And by this point, you know, when it first happened, it was coming from the point of view of like, because I was the same age, like around the same age as her, and I was like, oh my God, like that could have been me, you know. And then when they finally found her body all those years later, it was I was a parent at that point, and I was like, Oh my god, her parents, like what and so I I told the kids, I said, Look, there's a lot of stuff your your dad's gonna really be leery of because he lived that. He was out there looking for, you know, and he like his parents were friends with her parents. And so he was like, like he remembers like the the day that her dad was like, I'm gonna sell the boat, we're gonna move, I can't, you know, we can't be here anymore. And he was like just going through that, and then as you start having kids and realizing like it hits like now I get it from both points of view, and the parents one is he's like, I'm sorry, the parents' one is worse. He's like, but also he's uh he's six three, he's a big guy. He's like, he was never scared of something like that happening, or he was never scared of something like that happening to him, just of it happening. But for me, I got it from both sides of oh my god, this could happen to me. Cause, you know, and then on the side of like, but if that happened to one of my kids. And so I I told them, I said, guys, it's I'm I'm raising you to be good people, make good choices. That's what I want. I said, and I get that your frontal lobes are like, fuck you, we're not gonna do that. Everyone does dumb shit when they're young.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:13

We grew up in that unsolved mysteries era where you're like, you know what I'm saying? And so I'm like, oh, you had to have the secret password. If somebody comes and says they're gonna take you to me, they have to have the password, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:31:24

I still remember mine.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:25

And people should still do that because why kids are dumb now, they're just really dumb.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:30

My kids like the my kids went through a phase of really liking to watch unsolved mysteries, but one of their favorite things to do is sit down and watch true crime shit. Like they're eat that shit up like crazy. Yeah, and they told me one day, they were like, I was like, what would you guys do if someone came up and said, Hey, I'm your mom's friend and like I'm here to pick you up? They'd be like, We know that fucker's lying because you ain't got no friends. Sounds like Mike. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:53

I almost got kidnapped once.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:55

Wow.

SPEAKER_08 1:31:56

I'm like kidding. I was walking to a friend's house and it was around the corner from my house. And I mean, I didn't like the guy pulls up and he's like, Hey, and he was like, Do you need a ride? And like pushes open his passenger door, and I went, nope, and then bolted the opposite direction that I was going back home because he was facing that way. And I'm like, nope, but I'm like, I'm gonna get kidnapped, I know it's what's gonna happen. I'm like, thank god, I watch unsolved mysteries.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:18

Like, yeah, yeah, I notice this. Like, I watch enough law and order and true crime that you guys better know by now. Like a spot a scam because come on.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:30

Don't convince yourself if it feels like wrong, you go with that gut instinct. Like, this doesn't feel right.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:36

Oh my god, trust your gut. They still make my daughter make sure she scans her car for trackers. I'm like, I know you have an iPhone, but just make sure you check it and there's no trackers on your car. She's like, I think I know no one wants you, but they'll give you right back, but still just humor me. Yeah, just humor me.

SPEAKER_08 1:32:56

I get scared about that stuff too.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:57

Like I mean, I know this is so off topic, but I don't care. My daughter had an incident where she works at a fast food restaurant with a drive-thru. And you know, she mo she does the drive-thru a lot, and she sees whatever, you know, cars. And then one day, uh and my daughter was 17 still at this point, and she comes home and she's like, Yeah, something really strange happened. A guy came in and asked for her by name. So the people at work were like, Yeah, okay, hold on. Like, they got her. And they're like, Oh, I guess your friend is here, he wants to say hi to you. She's like, When I came out, he was like, Oh, hi, I saw that you were working, I just wanted to say hi. I saw uh you know, I haven't seen you in a while, like in Starbucks or whatever. She's like, first of all, I don't know the guy, he knew my name, and I haven't been in Starbucks in weeks.

SPEAKER_08 1:33:56

And I'm like Oh, he knew your name because of Starbucks, they call out your name.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:02

Probably, yeah. And and well, also at her job, I don't I you know, I'm not even sure. She might have a a name tag, but I'm like, this is not okay. You know, like you he's a grown-up and and you are 17. And even if you were 18, like it's still not okay. And I was like, I want you to alert them. I I want the security footage. And she was like, Mom, you're get like I don't fucking care. And we got her pepper spray, and for a while, like I was showing up at work. She drives herself to and from work, and I was like, I don't care if I am just driving my car behind yours, but I need to make sure that you get from building to car and to home safely. And I don't care what I have to do. And it's so funny because like the kids are like, Oh, you're so overreacting. Like, you know, mom, like, stop. It's fine. It's not fine because this is not appropriate behavior. And even if I have to just be in my car in that parking lot, watching you go from the building to your car, I will damn sure make sure that you are okay and you get home okay. Because if I have to run a motherfucker down, then so be it. I don't care. I'll be back.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:14

Yes, I'm gonna tell people I won't be in jail more than 48 hours. Trust me. I'm not afraid. I because I won't get out in two days.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:23

Trust me. I'll go to jail for the rest of my life if it means that you got home safe that night.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:29

You know what? I was thinking you're talking about the her having her name on her name tag. I was like, why don't they, for people who are underage, like under 18 or at least in high school, why don't they make them have fake names at work for their name tags?

SPEAKER_04 1:35:42

Oh, that's actually a smart.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:45

Oh, not have to wear one, but you know, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:47

But no, there should be some. That's the idea.

SPEAKER_08 1:35:48

They can identify, hey, that girl who goes by Rocky said this to me the other day, and that way you'll know who they're talking about, but that's not her real name. Her real name is like Rachel, and she goes by Rocky, you know.

SPEAKER_04 1:35:59

So idea. I've never thought about that. I started working as as a minor. Did I have name tags back then?

SPEAKER_02 1:36:06

No, we didn't have to, but I did, and we had our names because I worked my first my first job was at Sam Goody. Dates me very much.

SPEAKER_08 1:36:15

Hey, I worked at Blowout Video, and that place ain't around either.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:18

So like I worked at Blo I did all the stuff that didn't exist anymore. I worked at Sam Goody, I worked at Blockbuster Video, I worked at uh your resumes at this point useless, right?

SPEAKER_08 1:36:31

You're making this up. No, this isn't a real reason.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:34

That's what I tell people. I told my kids about it because they they like to go to um GameStop, and I was like, Yeah, used to. That was too, you know, you went to Electronics Boutique and then GameStop became a thing, and then they eventually were acquired, and now it's just GameStop. And I was like, but yeah, Electronics Boutique, and they were like, it's like, yes, I forgot about that one. Yeah, I worked there for a long time. Um, but every place I worked, they were like, no, you need a name tag, and it needs to have your name because then people can address you by name, they know who they're talking to. When I worked at Starbucks though, they actually insisted that we did not have names on our name tags. So no one when I worked there then, but yeah, and they were like, my manager was like, no one has names on their name tags.

unknown 1:37:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:18

I mean, I worked at Starbucks in New York and Well no, so we just we had like a little we didn't uh I think they were like a throwback.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:26

I never wore one, I just had my apron. Yeah, just the apron.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:30

I mean, I worked in Starbucks from 98 to 08. And when I was leaving, name tags were starting to become a thing. But yeah, I I never liked having it. And but Dustin is right. Even if my name is Lisa, even if I say, okay, at work, I'm gonna use the name Rachel on my name tag. My job, if somebody comes in and says, Listen, Rachel was, you know, a fucking bitch. She spit in my drink, she then she threw it at me. They'll know who they're who they're talking about.

SPEAKER_08 1:38:02

But you won't know, but that person won't know where you live, your actual name, how to look you up.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:07

Especially in the age of the internet when we can look things up and and and then that poses poses further problems. I think that that's actually a really smart idea to protect people, especially underage people.

SPEAKER_08 1:38:22

Because I mean, if someone's gonna complain about somebody, they're gonna have to talk to the manager in a way, the manager's gonna know who it is. You know, they're gonna be able to piece that together, and that's fine. But they don't need to be like going around and finding out where what your handle is online or you know, uh where you know the places you go, maybe where you go to school or anything like that, because uh they'd have to do like a facial recognition thing there, and that's a little bit harder to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:44

You can still do it, but it's you know not as my kids have uncommon names, so it's not like you're looking up Jane Smith.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:38:52

So if they find them online, it's pretty easy.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:55

It's it's them, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:00

You should have named them Jane Smith.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:02

I should have.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:04

Like for me, and that's you know, I people I was kind of having especially my oldest kid or my my oldest two at that point when the like mommy blogging thing was coming really into vogue and people were putting every fucking minute of their babies and kids' lives online for no goddamn good reason. And I always made a point that no one knew my kids' name. Like when I would tell so I didn't post pictures. If I did, it was very like, here's me holding my baby that you can't see, or something like that, or them from like from behind, like w walking or something.

SPEAKER_08 1:39:51

But it was that thing where you post like where you say that their age, maybe like seven, said this today. And or you know, if you could have multiple kids, so you something like that, or so no, so no, I didn't put ages.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:03

I just put A, B, C, and D.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:05

They just got letters, so there was not even the the age of now. People could kind of infer, especially at first, if they knew which kid it was a picture of, they they might be able to guess the age. Um like I mean, if I'm holding an an infant, they're they're probably under a year, but there wasn't any like this is how old they are. Here is the birth announcement. Here's me pushing my child out of my vagina on a live stream, like because no one needs to see that shit.

SPEAKER_08 1:40:36

Um I don't know why people want to record it. Like, okay, you know the baby came out. We don't need to keep seeing it happen over and over.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:44

And I tell my kids, like, because I am unfortunately, like I said before, I I kind of have to be online. I have to be on social. Well, I shouldn't say I have to be. I choose to be on social media and online, but it's far more than I would like. If I had someone handling publicity and shit like that, I would probably not use social media at all. If I had a bigger audience and I didn't feel like I needed that to bring more people in, I would not do it. And so I always told so when my kids were like, I want to use Instagram and stuff like that, I have a private separate, and I know nothing's truly private or whatever, but I have an account that I let them use as like a dummy account. It's just like my husband's on it, all of my other like accounts are on it. And I'm like, they're within reason. So if you want to post your haul from Ulta, okay, post it on there where like nobody is gonna freaking see it, you know, post your little videos on there. But I never I I hated when I would see people because I'm like, it feels very much like they were using their kids for like clout and views and things like that. And then you see the flip side of that where these kids grow up and they're like, Yeah, I hated it. That was terrible. I never had a moment where I could just and luckily my kids have watched enough of those, like, where they kind of get exposed or called out. And they're like, Why the fuck are these people like, why did they even have kids? And I was like, Well, no, they probably had kids, they they probably didn't have kids thinking like, hey, I'm gonna get build a YouTube empire off of their backs, but when they realized, hey, this is the opportunity, it can.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:26

And yeah, that's like that whole who had kids for the right reason, whether or not you really want kids, or you want kids because you want a little mini me, which is I don't think personally, to me, that's not the right reason to have somebody to love.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:37

I'm like, uh, maybe. But that I think social media and technology just brought that to light. I think it's always been a problem. People had kids for the wrong reason. We just now we see the like, oh, you crazy, crazy.

SPEAKER_08 1:42:50

And it's like the stupid people who post the hey, my kid's going into first grade, miss Miss uh Harris's class at this elementary school. I'm like, are you an idiot? You're showing the kid, you're showing everything about them.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:01

Like, right, were you absent on Stranger Danger Day in second grade?

SPEAKER_04 1:43:05

Because they missed they missed that. But it's I think it's for the generation that didn't get that though.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:11

But my kids, my kids asked me one time because they would do like sports and stuff, and they were like, Why don't you have all the stickers on the back of your van? I'm like, I don't know, people don't get that information. People do not need to know where we're gonna like because that's the thing. You can look at most of the sports schedules for like the schools online. Like you can get that. So I'm like, great, now they're gonna either know where to come find you or when we're not gonna be home. So it's like either way, people don't need that much information about my life. Like for all that I quote unquote put online, I try to make sure people know as little as possible.

SPEAKER_08 1:43:50

And it's with purpose. And to curate. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:53

And even when I tag something like I'll I don't know, if I if I go on a vacation or if I go to a restaurant and it's like, oh my god, this place is gorgeous, I'll post after the fact. After the fact. Right. I'm already because and and not because I have four million followers or I am, you know, world known, but I will give no one that immediate access to me, especially if I'm with one of my kids. And it got to the point where even when I had Facebook and people would tag you in a picture. And it's like, oh hey, let's you know, I had to put even that I I don't remember what you call it, but it was like it needed to be approved or something. Yeah. So n so I would not it would not I mean, obviously it would appear on their page but the tag wouldn't be approved until I approved it because I'm like I like when people don't know where I'm at. Not because I'm doing anything illegal or wrong, but but it's like just let me be in the moment and then ask.

SPEAKER_08 1:45:05

The whole point is you gotta ask. You should ask if you're gonna take a picture of somebody and post it online, whether you tag them or not, you should like, hey, I'm gonna post this on. Is that okay? Like, just ask that real quick. Right. You don't even have to, you know, and that way you're like, you you you give because that's your image. That's you. You should have control over that, right? Obviously, if you're doing something illegal, that's not gonna happen, but in public, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:28

We do that, we do that solo. We don't do that in coupe.

SPEAKER_08 1:45:31

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:31

Like, and I I love, I will say, I love like all the conventions I've been to. So many people usually are very mindful of like, because like, especially like when they've come out to take pictures with me, they're like, you know, I understand they're they're gonna post it everywhere, but I love when they're like, Do you mind if I share this? Do you mind if I post this? Like, I love when I go see Melissa, Melissa Allgood, when I go see her at can at writer stuff. And she's like, because she always loves to take pictures with everyone who buys her books. And but she's always like, can I post it? Is that a problem? And I'm like, that's right, such an ethical approach to like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:10

And so And there's also a huge difference, right? Like when you go into a public event where you really have a low expectation of privacy. Privacy. Versus you are at a restaurant having family dinner with you know, cousins and sist sib siblings and whatever. And then it's like, hey, let's post this all over Facebook.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:32

And it's like I feel like some things, and I've I've tried to explain to my kids too, because there's such a thing now. And I've noticed this with like my kids' friends and stuff like that. I'm like, I don't want pictures of like when we go to birthday dinner, and it's a very small intimate thing for just us. Um that doesn't need to be everywhere. It can be just for us. And they're like, Well, what are you ashamed of? And I was like, I no, it's it's not shame. We don't have to have our whole entire life be accessible for the whole world. They don't get to have like there are it is okay for me to say this is something you only get if you're in this little circle. It's only for them. I was like, I'm not ashamed of shit. I just have some discretion and I would like for some things to only be for certain people. I feel like it's okay to have them only be for certain people. Like if I go, I get really irritated. Like me and my husband don't go out very much because we do have four kids, and so it's just usually at this point now they're older, it's just groceries. I gotta pay for groceries, so we're not gonna go out because we also gotta feed like four other kids that eat like grown-ass adults.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:49

I get it.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:50

And so when we do finally go out and you see you've got someone at the table next to you, and they've got like the light pulled out so they can get the perfect pictures so they can post everything from all their shit. And I'm like, I don't need anyone to know me and my husband were here, but the freaking bartender and the guy who's bringing our steaks. That's it. We know we were here.

SPEAKER_08 1:48:12

And I don't need to take a picture of the food to let everybody know what I ate and what it looked like.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:16

Like, why do you need to know this?

SPEAKER_08 1:48:18

Like, yeah, it's gotta be an exquisite-looking ladder of something that's like, oh man, this no one's ever done this.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:23

Like, you know, look, I'm from the south. Food can look like absolute slop and still be really, really delicious. I don't, I'm like, look, I eat a lot of stuff that some people find very questionable and it's very delicious. And it wouldn't photograph well anyway. People are gonna be like, what did you do to deserve that? I'm like, no, it's really good. Sausage and biscuits doesn't pretty, but oh my god. I'm like, y'all, sausage gravy is ugly as hell.

SPEAKER_08 1:48:50

Oh, dance too, because I've been somewhere where they had like yellow. Actually, the place I live above serves breakfast and they have like a yellow gravy. It's the grossest looking thing I've ever seen. I'm like, I can't eat here.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:03

Egg gravy?

SPEAKER_08 1:49:05

Probably, but it was like but they don't say that on the menu. They need to tell you these type of things. Because I'm like, it should be either white or brown, in my opinion. And then it's like yellow, like, ooh, like this. What is this? And I'm ugly.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:16

Like, there's all kinds of weird. You can kind of gravy just to look at it. And I'm in the south too, so I totally understand.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:23

And sometimes I find myself taking a picture of the food simply because it's like, okay, well, I I do have to post something because you gotta keep that algorithm going for the podcast. But it's like, but I don't want to post me. I don't want to post my family. I don't want to so it is the drinks, it is the food. But right.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:43

It's the bottom half of the person, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:47

I become reluctant to say, like, oh, today's my birthday, because I don't want people to know when my birthday is, because then they can look me up that way, you know?

SPEAKER_02 1:49:53

Nope. I will either.

SPEAKER_08 1:49:54

I'll say my birthday was last week and that's it.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:56

Now, if I take pictures of food, it's usually the food that my husband makes. So we're already at home, and I'm like, here's food. I will honestly just if I have to make content, I'm like, I don't want to because this is sucking the soul out of me. I like my best friend is just um Canva and stock photos and just some kind of stupid, like I shouldn't say stupid, but like I'm just like Like what kind of you know, and especially like d depending on what I'm doing or what I'm trying to promote, I'm like, it's just gonna be a quote or it's just gonna be on, you know, I have a uh an acquaintance who when he does TikTok, he learned that the best performing videos he did were like him not saying anything, and he would do like the black and white, him not saying anything with like some little bit of text.

SPEAKER_08 1:50:54

Like a meme, a lot I'm a meme, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:56

Basically, and that's what performed the best, and so he's like, great, he made like he found someone to do it for him, but he's like, I'm just gonna send you like 10 different clips of myself sitting here, put some shit over it and and post it. And call it a day, and call it a day.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:14

I love how just to prove that women are the center of the universe and our boobs, everything comes from us. We've gone from boobs to social media to food to child safety. Like we've done the whole thing. Everything, the whole thing. And so if anyone was confused about the power of women's boobs, here you go.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:39

Everything it's weird.

SPEAKER_04 1:51:40

Start a conversation. It is everything. Women's boobs are the big the end all and be all of life. That's just my opinion. I'm just saying, because I love my boobs. I do.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:50

Then I the sagging is it's I have such a weird, see, I have such a weird because I always maintained that I told I told my husband, I was like, you need to start saving money because after we're done, like I'm getting them fixed. I'm having them like hiked up and like they're gonna be back where I feel because people don't show that because it's not, you know, when when we see especially like the the media that a lot of us consume, it's very heavily curated toward this ideal perfection that most people never had in the first place. It's unfortunate. You're never gonna have. And they don't even have it. It's all look at it. They don't even have it. It's right, right. And you know, I was like, I really I want the mommy makeover. Like, I want the mommy makeover. I want that. I'm gonna, I'm gonna fix everything. After the hysterectomy. Right. Okay. You got the hey kill butt. We gotta like put in the It's getting there. I'm like, oh see, but so I'm gonna tell so after my hysterectomy, my doctor did not listen to me about my risks for blood clots. She was like, you're young and healthy, it never happens. Guess what my lungs decided to do? Fill up with them. I had I had bilateral pulmonary embolisms with I had a pulmonary infarction in my left lung, and I had pulmonary effusion. So for anyone listening who knows anything medical, yes, I do know I'm a fucking miracle. Like I've my one of my doctors was put out like, how are you alive? I was like, I you fucking tell me, bro. Like, I don't know, like heparin and steroids, like good doctors at the you know, women's hospital of Texas, I guess. But I so because the doctor before was like adamant that I didn't need to be tested, I didn't need to be on Lovinox, I just needed to raw dog this shit and I'd be just fine. That was a lie. So after this happened, though, it's put me in a position where elective surgery is no longer an option for my own preservation of life. We can't do that. And so I really had to sit with a lot of I won't even say like set, like downright fucking depression over like, oh wait, all these things that because for years the end goal was like, well, I'm gonna get that back. This is my right. And now it's like, oh, no, you're not. Not if you want to stay alive, you're not. So you're gonna have to figure out how to sit with that and accept that as it is, that it will never I can do all the fucking chest exercises in the gym and all the lotions, potions, rap crap that they sell to women to get that back that don't work.

SPEAKER_06 1:54:50

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:52

Um they feed into the vanity and the the, you know, you because you don't you want to be and so I really had to sit with the whole like, okay, what's who am I trying to like appeal to with that? What am I trying to do with that? Why do I need so badly to have that? Because at that point it is, why do I need everyone else's approval, like that stamp on how I look and go about my day and move through it?

SPEAKER_08 1:55:19

Is it about your approval or is it their approval? Like you kind of gotta go which point is it?

SPEAKER_02 1:55:23

And so the surgery was in 2019. I finally came through everything and figured out I was gonna be okay right about the time COVID was kicking out. So I had to sit, and so then not only did that hit, gain some weight, and I had to sit there and really think about like, okay, what is this me? Is it every and my husband was like, I don't give a fuck, you're fine as hell. Like, I don't care. He's like, You had my kids, you nursed my kids, like you survived so much shit that was supposed to be. He's like, I don't care. Why do you care so much? And so I really had to sit down and be like, why do I care? Do I care? And you realize especially so I came of age, I really had to unback. I was like, I came of age when heroin chic was really the thing. When the 90s with the grind, Kate Moss. Super super Kate Moss. Yes. And at my thinnest, like if I laid back, you could see my hip bones like sticking out. But when people heard the number how much I weighed, it didn't matter that my hip bones were sticking out. I was fat because of the number. Number. And because physically, like my build, I was 5'10, but you think tall, so tall women are supposed to be because at that point the models they were all tall and very, very, very skinny. I was tall, but I had 38-inch hips with my pelvis bone sticking out. I was 38. I just had a big old dumpy truck booty, like you're just built bigger. That's all.

SPEAKER_08 1:57:05

Your frame is bigger.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:06

I put the broad shoulder.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:07

Kind of sounds sexy to me, but about it.

SPEAKER_08 1:57:10

And that's when the body shaming needs to stop. Like, you need to realize some people are just built to be bigger people, they're just broader or they're you know, I look back at pictures of myself and I was like, God, I was so fucking fine.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:21

Why did I spend all the time being? But so many people were like, oh, but you're you're fat because you're not like a size zero. I was like, I could never be a like physically physiologically, like the way my pelvis built, I would never sadly have those moments where we look back and think, oh my god, look at me.

SPEAKER_00 1:57:42

I was so not XYZ inser insecurity. You know what I mean? But in the moment we are so consumed by the world's view of us that we internalize instead of just living in the moment and enjoying ourselves for what we have and what we are, it's it's like we succumb to the view and the social pressure.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:06

And I think me having, especially having daughters and having kind of been through a lot medically, I just try to tell them you you might not like it, but at the very least you need to have a deep appreciation. If you focus on that part, the rest of it will kind of fall away. I'm still human. I still have days where I'm like, I'm really not feeling it at all. I did it some days, I'm like, I don't like any of it. I just I'm in a fucking mood and I don't like anything anyway. But there's also a a deep appreciation of, but I've made it this far. And it got me here. So like at the very least, I'm like at the very least, it deserved that that reverence of like, look what it did for you. And and even if you're struggling, it's and that's where I kind of had to really detach from like, okay, I need to work on just being and there's sometimes there's a lot to unpack. It goes back to like I didn't ever get my parents' approval. So I'm constant, I constantly wanted others to give me that validation that I could never get as a child because I was too difficult or too didn't fit in. I was too loud, too much, too everything. And so it turned into like, okay, I need to turn myself into whatever it takes to get. And so led me to, I was like, I will use my boobs to get that. I will use the body so but I need to have that body that's desirable in order to get that, because if it's not what people are looking for, I'm not gonna get that approval. Um and and so I had to sit with this whole okay, I have to really be okay with only having like my approval. Like no one else is just mine. If I need to be content with myself, and I will say my husband's like a rock star, he's like he's like, if you were 100 pounds smaller, you'd be fine as hell. If you were 100 pounds heavier, you'd be fine as hell. I don't care. He's like, I do not give a shit. And he never has. He's like, but I want you, he he gets cross. He's like, I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to take care of yourself. You know, you need to drink things that are more than iced coffee. You need to get on the treadmill because your cardiologist said so. Like, he's never like, you need to look a certain way. He's like, you need to live a long time because I have no other friends. Like, you're my best friend, and so I need you to live. I need you to live. I love that. Like, I need you around because it was like a little selfish, just a little, like, yeah. Oh, yeah, no, he's like, no, it's completely selfish. I want you here forever. I need you here because I need you here, but it's never like he's never, you know, and I think he was raised with he has an older brother, but he has three sisters. And so for the most part, the people that had a big hand in shaping that were his sisters and his mom. It was a lot of like he had mostly female friends, and so I think he saw a lot of the unnecessary bullshit that women we put ourselves through to meet that societal gaze, the male gaze, whatever, of how we're supposed to look and perform as women. And I think with the whole all DHD thing, I already have a funky relation to gender anyway. I don't always feel because there's a lot that's inferred about learning how to be the gender you are. You pick up these social cues and you learn this. And I didn't pick up on stuff like that. So I felt like I was cosplaying. I'm just like, okay, this is the skin suit I got. It happens to be the vagina man, the the vagina version. So I have to learn how to do this life in this skin suit with all of these lady accoutrements. Yes. I love that word, yes. And I was like, okay, I guess this is what we're doing. So I almost went for the very hyper sexualized, like the Jessica Rabbit campy, like I was gonna be the most female female that ever female. Because yeah, I was gonna be that because that's what you know, and and then that wasn't who I was. I was like, I I was like, I and then when I finally got diagnosed, I was like, oh, okay, it makes so much sense that I don't know because I don't pick up on the same yeah, the unspoken schools and lessons. Right.

SPEAKER_08 2:02:47

That was me too growing up. I mean, I live in Mississippi, so oh honey, yeah, oh yeah. And so I grew up with my brother who played a lot of sports, got a lot of attention for it. My dad would coach his teams, and I was not interested in sports. I just wasn't. I just like I don't get it. And I would watch a lot of TV because there was nobody my age around. So the TV was my best friend, which is why I have a show out doing TV stuff. And um, so I never like picked up on social cues and I didn't get diagnosed with autism until like 2022. And so I went through 41 years of my life not knowing why I'm so different and why I had to, I kept getting nitpicked by my family and other people. Like, don't say these types of things, don't look, don't do this, don't wear this, don't do that. And so I was constantly. So not only was I, you know, so when I came out of the closet, that was when I was 13. I was like, I've something's gotta break. Something's gotta come, you know what I mean? Like, I I can't box. So I'm like, this is gonna, of course, you know, at that time, people in Gen X, millennials, we were becoming a little bit more understanding in general as a as a generation, you know. And so people were like, oh yeah, we're totally cool, because they liked me, they didn't see any threat by me, they didn't see me trying to like and a lot of my guy friends, they were straight and they were like, Yeah, we're cool, don't worry about it. Because I wasn't like the predatory type or the type that was annoying about being gay, I guess you could say. We had those in our school, and those are the ones that got harassed or beaten up because but I was friends with everybody, you know what I mean? I was just one of those people. Like, I'm a little bit of a people pleaser, so it kind of, you know, I try to like, I'll let you talk, I'll let me, you know, let me just take my you know, you know, I I I try to try to break out of that a little bit, but yeah, and like the the body dysmorphia thing for gay guys, oh god, it's horrible.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:34

It's horrible because you think like, yeah, guys are judging girls, guys are judging other guys too, and it's horrible because you're judging them and they're also judging you, and you're like, ah the worst like shade I've ever gotten about like after because like I say, right when co I had just had my surgery and everything, and I gained some weight because I just couldn't do shit. And I was on a bunch of drugs that purposely slow my metabolism so my heart rate would stay low. So the side effect of slowing down that to keep your heart rate low is also it just slows down everything else. And there was this very gorgeous gay man. He was uh one of my kids, one of the band directors. And I mean, very, he was very kidding, like the the good lord put him together very well. He was very he was put together very nice. And this guy very proudly, like I think borderline, because and two of my kids are gay and they have a lot of like so all of their friends are queer or gay or trans, whatever. And the I feel like for gay men, the like the the the glorified, the the the eating disorders that are glorified among gay men, this guy was so proud about like and he would shit on the kids for like what they were eating. Meanwhile, we live at a school where kids would get like free breakfast and lunch because there was the population of like so many kids who were below the poverty level that everyone got free breakfast and lunch, and he's like, Why the fuck are you like I wouldn't eat if I had to eat that? And I'm like, don't they're fucking poor. They actually don't get food when they go home, but okay, go off, I guess.

SPEAKER_08 2:06:14

Like they're children, they're impressionable. Don't say stuff like that to them.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:18

And and they would look at him because he like six-pack, like nobody fat. And I remember like we were okay until I gained weight, and he was like, Why are you fat? And I was like, Yeah, because I need to be this way to survive. Why I was like, you don't even I have the wrong equipment for you. Why do you care? Like, I was like, you wouldn't want this no matter what. And I remember my oldest was like, oh no, like he's super mean to like because and but it was for him, it was like he was miserable with what it took to maintain that his body, and it was very hard on him, and so everyone kind of had to suffer for what it took him to be for him.

SPEAKER_04 2:07:01

See, he just ruined my best memory. I think I was I'm from New York. I was on the train going to school sophomore year, sophomore year in high school. And I get on the train and it was this fabulous gay man, and he was just dressed to the fucking nines. I'm like, oh. So I get off the train, my stop comes, he goes, You're working it, girl. And I was like, ah, I've made it. So that was when I was what 15? So since then, no one can tell me anything because that man right there told me that I was working it. And I once you get a gay man's approval, nothing, nothing else matters. I told him.

SPEAKER_08 2:07:41

Unless you're another gay man, you need everybody, you need every gay man's approval.

SPEAKER_02 2:07:45

Well, right. And as a woman, that's what you need. And I feel very it feels almost I I feel weird when I do it or how I go about it, that I don't I've had so many what I thought were my friends that were men that would like the the last kind of friendship I ended with a guy, and now mind you, I've been married, I've been with my husband since I was 17. I am 44 now. So we have so that's that's been it. And everyone knows this, but some people I guess still think they gotta try for some reason. And I had this guy, I thought he was a friend, and once he really he started kind of talking, and I was like, yeah, like look. And I was like, look, just so you understand, like my husband, when I say he is the only man I will ever be with, I'm not joking. Even my kids know if he ever gets tired of my bullshit, they're gonna have two stepmoms. I was like, uh, it is strictly back to women, and that is it. And and so you guys will have two stepmoms because women are just fucking gorgeous. And so everyone understands this that that it that's what the case would be. And also I'm perfectly content to be just by myself. I was like, that's fine. And once he realized that, like he was like, like that was it, everything stopped. Like he completely disappeared, and that's been unfortunately so to the point where I purposely seek out if I'm gonna be friends with a man because I have an easier, I think because of the autism, I think I have and and men are usually more accepting of my nerdy hobbies. I can find more and in those circles, it's overwhelmingly unless you're a gay guy, just that's why.

SPEAKER_07 2:09:35

Unless you're a gay guy.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:36

So I will be like, I I told someone, I said, I'm seriously only made for the girls' gays and nays. Like, like if you're a I love that girl. I was like, if you're a straight man, please don't, because I can't deal with another. I think we're friends. And you and then they're like, I was just biding my time until I can fuck you. And I'm like, that's not an option here ever. Like this.

SPEAKER_08 2:10:07

I have to tell people when I meet new friends and we're becoming really close, and I'm like, oh, I really like hanging out with you. I have to be like, and that's it. I have to tell you. And they look at me like, why are you telling me that? Because I can see the look in your eye, and I've seen that the autism pattern, you know, recognition. I can see it, and I'm like, no, it ain't happening. I've done this in the past and it turned out bad, even like a hookup. And it's like, and then it was bad after that. I'm like, we ain't even trying, because I don't want you thinking that we're gonna be in a relationship when we're not gonna be in a relationship, because you and I are not each other's types. I mean, we're not even gonna know.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:40

I hate feeling like you have to preface the like, okay, this is cool, and I want to do cool stuff, like well, nerd shit with you, but like we will never be a thing. Like, I used to have to have my husband come up so because so he would come up too. I would do like run DD games um at the comic shop. Um, and I would actually, and so I was the only woman that was doing that, and people would get really gross. So my husband would come up there, and again, he's and like he's such a teddy bear for me. He's like the cinnamon roll, he's grumpy with everybody else, but he's really, really sweet to me. He's like a big pushover. And I would be like, babe, I I need you to bring me a drink, but I also need you to bring it with like your guns out. And so he would, because it's Texas, so he could do that, and he'd be like, Is everyone behaving tonight? Like, they probably will now, thank you. They love things, babe. Yeah. And it's it's you know, and especially with some of them, I'm like for me, I feel like I was like, honey, you're 25. I don't know why the fuck you're talking to me. Like you're a child. Like you need to go away. And one of them, I was like, tell me what you bring to the table. Like, I need to know what. You bring because I have done raised children. I don't need another one. So what do you bring? Who's your wealth manager? What does your portfolio look like? Like I want to see your 401k. I want to see how much liquid assets you have in there. Like you're just so big for liquidity. What do we do? It's like if you're asking me to implode my entire life, I want cash. I want money. And if you ain't got it, go on. Like, I don't need that at this point in my life.

SPEAKER_08 2:12:51

You're gonna need something to balance this out. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I got the experience. You better have the money for my experience. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:57

And I was like, just so you know, I'm not gonna fucking cook. I'm not gonna clean. I'm not gonna do a I'm not doing I'm not gonna even like you. So at this point. So I was like, look, look, I don't I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to do the socialization aspect. I just look at a person and I'm like, you're my friend, and that's just you that that's how we're gonna be. I I don't know how to do that dancing around of stuff.

SPEAKER_08 2:13:27

Yeah, you gotta be direct. But you know what? And the thing is they they people are like, I just want people to be direct with me. So you're direct, and they get so mad about it.

SPEAKER_02 2:13:33

You're like, I didn't mean like that.

SPEAKER_08 2:13:35

Well, I'm doing this for your benefit because otherwise you're gonna be pissed off later, and I'd rather you just be pissed off at the beginning.

SPEAKER_04 2:13:44

Go away.

SPEAKER_07 2:13:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:13:46

So potluck boobs has we talked about what the guns, the boobs, the ass, the pecks, the balls, the shafts.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:58

I think when it comes down to it, we all want to feel desirable. We all want to feel like we present well. And for women, a lot of that is is in our boobs because right here. No matter how much you put them hide them. Yeah, the clothing, the bras, the tape, the whatever, they're still there.

SPEAKER_02 2:14:18

They're still and there's also the expectation to see them. That's why, you know, when you do have women who are either smaller or especially who have had a mastectomy. And I had a a a friend who had breast cancer, and that was she did not get a reconstruction. And people were like, Well, but why why wouldn't you why wouldn't you do that? Like, why why oh my god, like they couldn't they were appalled that she was like self-position. And and for her, she was like, Look, I am still sick. Like she had very and and she eventually did pass. But so for her, she was like, I I don't that is not the focus right now.

SPEAKER_07 2:15:01

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 2:15:01

She was like, I'm trying to survive my own body, not you know, and she's like, maybe if it were less severe, maybe if it was but she was like, I I don't care about that. That's like the last thing on my mind. And I I I get that, I feel that you're like, and and so for a lot of women too who who have been in that position, they're like, that that that that nearly killed me. So maybe I need to deal with the whole that part that everyone expects a woman to have was also very dangerous for me. And so they've got a process, there's there's a lot more that goes into that than just because again, fixing it, fixing it for who? Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 2:15:47

And and it's so funny because I've heard like just listening to the stories, I've heard how the negative comments stay with us, and I've also heard how the positive comments stay with us.

SPEAKER_02 2:16:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:05

And I wish for all of us, you know, to you know, to step on my corny soapbox right here, but years and years and years and years in the future, right, when when we are continuing to tell these stories, and there's a story of negativity and how we have held that and kept that, and then there's a story of positivity and we have held that and kept that. The person who said that comment, they're long gone. They're not thinking about it anymore, and yet we still are. And and if only we could all just focus on the positivity and push the positivity to one another, then we make someone feel so nice and so good about themselves, and they hold on to it. And what do we get from the negative? Nothing. Nothing.

SPEAKER_08 2:16:59

Yeah, we don't get anything good saying the negative. Like I feel better saying the positive about somebody, I feel better about myself. We feel like, hey, I was nice to somebody today. I made somebody feel good. You know, but I made somebody feel like crap today. Like the only people I want that for is are certain people in politics, like to make them feel like crap. You know, and that that would make me feel good. But then most people, everyday people, I don't want to bring them down.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:21

And it's so true, right?

SPEAKER_02 2:17:21

Hurt people, hurt people. Well, and I try to tell my kids too, to help, because you know, of course, some of them are at that self-conscious phase. And I'm like, if you realized how little for the most part, for the most part, how little other people are actually paying attention to you or really care what you do or look like as you go about your daily business. I was like, think about it. Did you when we were out at Target, you know, you were so worried about how your hair looked. Were you looking at everyone's hair? Did you notice if and and and if they did have a bad haircut or were having a bad day, were you gonna go say shit about it? Like, no, and they weren't gonna say anything to you. So it's fine. No one cares. Like no one cares unless you're online. It's all up here, yeah. It's like again, unless you post it online and then you just bring out and and when it comes the nasty, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:18:16

And when it comes to our bodies, women's bodies, and especially our boobs, doesn't matter. No matter what we do, it's not ever going to be enough. Some people will say, Oh, you look great, your boobs are great, your whatever. And there will be plenty of people who are like, Oh my god, look at her. Like, why is she wearing that? Why why does she do that? So fuck them.

SPEAKER_02 2:18:41

Who was it? Was it Dita Von Tees? She said you could be the juiciest, ripest peach, but not everyone's gonna like peaches. Peaches, yeah. So you know, you can't no matter, and that's you, you, you, you're not gonna be for everyone no matter what. So you just gotta be for yourself because you're not gonna be for them. And that's I literally like because I was like, I'm I'm not rated y for everyone. I'm not meant for everyone. I'd rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:10

I gotta say that's a an a great closing line for everyone to remember. I'd rather be a shot of whiskey than one's cup of tea. I love that. Actually, I want a shot of whiskey about about now. That actually sounds pretty damn good, right? Oh tequila and whiskey. Oh, we should oh, tequila and whiskey mixer.

SPEAKER_07 2:19:34

Ooh. That might kill me.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:38

I already I already feel the hangover coming up.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:42

Lisa, come I've actually, I was telling, I think uh mutual friend Anjali, I was like, I have gotten to the point where I've built up my alcohol tolerance again in this later years of my life where I no longer I don't I don't remember ever getting a hangover, but that's but I could drink more now again. So yay! I'm so proud of myself. That's my clean the fame. I could drink all night and I get a hangover. Um oh wow. I'm a very good thing. It used to be like that.

SPEAKER_08 2:20:09

And then it's like now it's a couple glasses of wine and the next morning I'm like, God, why?

SPEAKER_04 2:20:13

Well, I'm also getting free drinks again. I'm at the I don't know what it is. I think yeah. I think it's what you said earlier with the younger kids. I call them kids because, you know, because they're my daughter's age.

SPEAKER_02 2:20:22

I'm like, oh, you want to give me a free drink? Okay, you're fine. You're at the you're at the age where you can beg the daddy or the son.

SPEAKER_04 2:20:29

Actually, I'm at that age where I can do the son, the father, or the grandfather. I'm good. I have a right, you get amazing between the ages of like 30 and 60. Come for me. I'm good. Yep. Um and because I think cut my boobs too. Um, Lisa, you have anything you want to add? I should say, Lisa, you do have great boobs. I I tell her that all the time. They look bad, they really do look very nice. They're great.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:55

Yeah, I'm quite jealous. It's also a good bra.

SPEAKER_02 2:20:58

I'm quite jealous.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:59

It's you know, uh a push over front enclosure. You know, there's there's nothing bra to help you out. Because then I I'll put on a sports bra and it'll be like, well, where'd they go?

SPEAKER_02 2:21:13

See, okay, but even if you have big boobs, then it just evolves into the uniboob and you're flat. Yeah, the boob. Look like a fucking perfect character now.

SPEAKER_04 2:21:22

Victoria's Secret had uh, I don't know if they still have it, they had a sports bra, but the inside was fun uh fun closure, but then the other then the top part pulls over, so you got the best of both worlds. Ugh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:38

Yeah. Cosic paper though. But because I am on the I mean, I'm honestly I'm kind of like average size, but for all the world's purposes, expectations, right? So as uncomfortable as underwire is, I do like a good underwire bra because it helps lift and define, because you know what? As you age, you lose the fullness here.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:11

Yeah, yes, yeah, it's muscle mass.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:13

It's inevitable. But and I've been torn, like, you know, uh I I kind of wish that I can afford a boob job, not to go bigger, just to get some of that fullness back. But then of course, it's like, well, but am I am I playing into society's per perception? And am I, you know, just becoming another cog in the wheel and I need to rebel and be like, no, I love my body, it's beautiful. And then I look in the mirror and I'm like, but where's the full mind?

SPEAKER_04 2:22:40

But is it is it okay to be like, I like I love who I am, but I think I will I want this. It's okay to it's not an either or. No, it could be both.

SPEAKER_02 2:22:50

And I think though part of it though is that we're not shown that, you know, again, uh the pick the the the older, I shouldn't even say older, I'm like, but you know, 40, 50, 60 year old women in media look and and again, even they don't even look like that, but we see that airbrushed, fixed version of them. So they still and I I I sit there and the women that I interact with on a daily basis, I'm like, I know that's not what their boobs look like. Unless they're fake, unless they've had work done. That's not actually what their boobs look like. It's tape, it's creative undergarments, it's a lot of other work that goes into that. And so it's like if someone wants that and they've done the they they really know that that's just how they're gonna be most content. Fine, have the surgery if you want the surgery, because I'm not gonna judge either damn way. Do what makes you happy, but make sure it's like that's actually gonna make you happy and not just a band-aid for some other work you need to do. Something you need to do.

SPEAKER_08 2:23:54

Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe try the therapy first, just to check, you know, and like, all right, do you still want it after all this?

SPEAKER_00 2:24:00

Therapy is great for everything.

SPEAKER_02 2:24:02

Yeah. You should and and especially when, and I've seen people, and like I say, I went through it when I realized I could no longer have the surgery, and I was like, but that was gonna fix everything. And now looking back though, I'm really grateful I couldn't because that was a very dangerous mindset because that was gonna change nothing. I was just gonna look different, but I was still gonna have all the same shit going on up here that needed to be worked through. So you know, it I like to tell my kids you never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:24:38

Yeah. So everything happens for a reason, or does it happen for a reason?

SPEAKER_02 2:24:44

Yeah, I love that. And that could have started me down a very slippery slope of well, no, now I've got to chase this one more thing to fix it, or this one more thing versus having a few years.

SPEAKER_00 2:24:54

And I know people with that who who have done that, and and for for a lot, it started with the boob job. Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:25:03

And then it's like I'm And especially when, you know, I've seen I had my oldest when they were still in high school, you know, they had friends whose parents were getting them boob jobs like for their 18th birthday and shit like that. And I'm like, okay, like my best friend that I had, she didn't really develop boobs to speak of until after she was pregnant with her first. She was just very small and she loved it. She was like, no, this is great. I don't have to wear a bra and it's hot and I'm fine. She would just, she was like, if I'm really worried about it, I'll get some like pasties or some nipple covers or help band-aids, and it's fine. She loved it. And then she had her first kid and she was like, the fuck am I supposed to do with these? Like, what the hell? And for the boobs, right? She was like, No, I didn't get them. That was the agreement with the universe, and I'm very happy this way. And so, but so she didn't get those until and she's like, I can only imagine if I'd ever gotten a boob job, how fucking giant they would be now after having kids. Like they would be so uncomfortably, unbearably big. And I see these kids who are, yeah, because they haven't developed yet, they presume they will never. And they're like, Yeah, give me implants. And I'm like, now it doesn't look right though, because you have a a kid body with this these very disproportionate breasts. And now, yeah, you look physically so much older than you are.

SPEAKER_08 2:26:36

It's the same thing when people get nose jobs at like age 16. Like, you know, your nose keeps growing and changing as you age. Like every part of your body grows and changes as you age. Like, why don't you wait till like your mid-20s, if anything?

SPEAKER_02 2:26:49

Yeah, the only time I can see that is if they have like, so my husband needs, for lack of a better term, a nose job. He's just a he broke his nose when he was in high school, and he's a severely deviated septum. And uh, you know, if you're getting your shit fixed and it just the look changes by default while they're in there fixing your septum and making it so you can breathe properly, it is what it is. That's a side effect. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:15

But that's if it's a true case, because some people say, I have a deviated septum. No, you don't.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:19

And they actually don't.

SPEAKER_08 2:27:20

We just want the nose job, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:27:21

My husband broke his nose really bad. Uh it was wild. I but so much of that too. I'm like, where are their parents to get them kind of the guidance? Why are they reinforcing that yes, let's do that, because that's what'll fix it. Don't take and and as a parent, I I see it though, I I understand because sometimes being a parent, you have those seasons where you feel like all you're doing is putting out fires. You're just trying to survive through it because everyone's tired and sleep deprived. Even as they get older, you still go through that where the teenage years, I told someone babyhood was the easiest I ever had it, because no, they didn't sleep, but at least I could pick their clothes, their friends. They didn't talk back. They ate what I put on the plate, and it was fine. And as they it just changes as they get older. And sometimes you do buy McDonald's for dinner four nights in a row because you're fucking tired and need to survive because everyone just had the flu and you're you don't give a shit because because you got the flu last after everyone and they still have to eat for some damn reason. Right. Every day. I feel every fucking day, like six times a damn day. Yeah. I'm like, you guys have an addiction. You guys have an addiction. You need to work on that. That shit's dangerous. We um we stop breathing and right, like, do you really need this running water? Like, I fucking swear. But we I I feel like paying for the surgery, whether it's a boob job, a nose job, whatever, that's you need to go ahead and pick that battle. You need to push for the therapy, you need to push for working and picking apart that instead of paying for the surgery. Because you can be really, you know, I I was very convincing to my husband about why I absolutely needed it. Like I had every reason in the book about why this was absolutely the best thing for me physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, every single way. I could give you PowerPoints on why this was like what had to happen. And at its core, it was because I wanted other people to look at me and be like, Yeah, she's so pretty. Oh my God, look, she's got her life together because she had all those kids and she still looks so good. And so she didn't let herself go. She's not lazy, she's not careless, she's competent, she's capable, she has it all together.

SPEAKER_08 2:29:47

Easy breezy, beautiful cover girl.

SPEAKER_02 2:29:49

When it it wasn't gonna matter either way, because none of that was gonna be true regardless. All it meant was that I had the money to afford to do this. That was all it meant. All it meant.

SPEAKER_00 2:30:00

And it's usually the women who are modifying themselves and for what for what?

SPEAKER_04 2:30:07

And when we finally the approval of other unhappy women.

SPEAKER_00 2:30:11

Yeah. For others. Because no matter what, yeah, no matter what we are. We have to break the cycle.

SPEAKER_02 2:30:20

And part of it too was okay, so I did and I ended up leaving, but I was doing like stage acting for a while. And the pressure to, you know, especially I got tired of either only being cast as like the fat sidekick, I was the fat friend, or if I was cast in a capac so I never was cast in a capacity that I had a romantic uh partner because they said at that point also, so I was either always a widow, or um it was usually uh in the capacity of I was like a widow or something like or I was single. And one time I was like, hey, I I like this one role, I want to go up for that. And they were like, no, it's not believable. And at this point, I'm 40 years old, and they're like, it's not believable that a man in his 40s would be attracted to you. And I was like, I'm 40, I'm his age, and they're like, Yeah, we're gonna so they actually can't, and and it's really common in the industry that no, the women are, you know, 19, 20, 21, 22, very young, young enough to be his kid, and that's the the love interest. And I'm and they actually were like, but you could be his mom. And I'm like, I'm two years younger than him. And they were like, Yeah, but you could be his mom, but you couldn't be his, and they were like, also you're fat. So it's not believable that he would be attracted to that they were like, it's not believable that a man in his 40s would be attracted to an overweight 40-year-old woman. I was like, Thanks for that message. It's like, so, and that's you know, especially when I told like my husband kind of he kind of picks on me a little bit because he'll come in and I'm like, got all my face masks on and I'm doing my nails, and I'm like, I have to pander at least a little bit because you know, I was like, I have to, unfortunately, I'm I'm still in industries where I am for how I look. So I have to give a little it's finding that I I'm like, I'm not I don't have fuck you money yet, so I can't stop caring altogether.

SPEAKER_04 2:32:47

Right.

SPEAKER_02 2:32:48

That's the goal that is the goal.

SPEAKER_04 2:32:49

For the fuck you money.

SPEAKER_02 2:32:51

Yeah. To have that, to reach that point where I'm like, yeah, I I don't care. Uh because it's walking that fine line of teaching my kids like your sense of self and your sense of worth should come from within, and you're valuable because you exist and you deserve respect and consideration. But also I've got to go get my eyelashes and my eyebrows done because headshots.

SPEAKER_00 2:33:15

Yeah, yeah. It it's hard. We have I mean, it's so hard because the best way to lead in my book is by example. And and I and like I said, I have three daughters, and every day it's it's a very, very conscious walk because yeah, I'll put makeup on, but it's it's so hard because it's like how do we walk the line between modifying who we are when we present to the world you know, and how we want to be seen and then what we preach. And men don't do this. Yeah, they get dressed, they self-groom, but they're not worried about how their eyelashes look and if the mascara is working, or if their eyelashes are working, or they're not wearing face masks because they have the little wrinkles here, or they you know, the the collagen in their face is leaving them. It's only us. And it's hard. It's it's a really hard line to walk. But we just we just I I I think that I think the solution starts in the self-awareness. And so the more I become self-awareness and the more I push my own boundaries, the more I feel better about trying to teach my daughters. But it but there's there's just no right answer.

SPEAKER_04 2:34:48

I think the fine line is do I tr yes, I have to put my lashes on. Yes, I put my, you know, I I care about the wrinkles. I put the do the mask. But I'm also at the point where I wake up in the morning and I have I'm channeling my inner raccoon and all the wrinkles are showing, I can still look at the mirror and go, oh, you're cute. I think you it's okay to want to put on your best face and do like take care of yourself all of a sudden, but also like truly love your authentic self. There can be both. And I don't think there it doesn't have to be either or.

SPEAKER_02 2:35:22

Well, no, and I like so part of it for me is I I tell my kids, like, I it should be fun. Like, okay, if you're gonna do it anyway, it should be more reflective of your personality than of trying to, you know, and that's why I'm like, you know. I yeah, I wear the makeup, I do all the other stuff, but I also like am happy with my big pink streak, and like I've got my tattoos all sticking out. I'm like, it's it should just be about accentuating like absolutely who you are and bringing that to the forefront versus trying to hide it. And that's where you get into the issue of people doing the makeup and the stuff as a way to hide down who they are versus change or change exactly who they are.

SPEAKER_04 2:36:14

Like, I don't want to be Agnes, I want to be Agatha because that's how I want people to see me or whatever the case may be. Right.

SPEAKER_08 2:36:21

That's funny how you chose that name. Have you been watching Agatha all along? Is that what it was?

SPEAKER_04 2:36:25

No, it's actually funny. Um, oh my god, my past life. My my I had a coworker. I'm a pleasant person to be around until I'm pushed. And she named my ulti ego Agatha. That's funny. Agatha, nobody wants to meet Agatha. And that's about what, I don't know, about 20-something years old. This about 20 about 20, wait, my daughter's 25. So me, I'm about 25, 26. Agatha has been named.

SPEAKER_00 2:37:04

If I if I could leave everyone, if I can step up onto my soapbox and leave everyone with the message, it would just be that we are all always gonna find something that we don't like about ourselves. We're always gonna find something we don't like about others, also. But we have to ask ourselves, is that person's flaw really, really going to affect our lives? That person's flaw don't pay our bills, that person's flaw don't put food on our table. So can we walk past it? Can we ignore it? Can we find something positive to support that person? It's the golden rule. Treat treat others how you want to be treated. And if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Like we have lost those those very, very simple tenets of humanity. And I can get on social media and I can find 4,000 things that I'm like Oh hell fucking no. And as much as I would have rage against the world, I I try so hard to rein my own self in and be like, let me go find something positive to say about somebody, even if it's not this person. Because it's so much more important to put positivity. You know, that's just my my little hippie side showing through. My thought yes, just call me Jerry Springer. And later you can go throw chairs at people. That's fine, but actually, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:38:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:38:51

I want to say thank you to you guys for hanging out with us on this potluck episode and for chit-chatting about boobs and all the topics that they lead to because it's not just in a bubble. And um uh I'm gonna start with Rain since she is a new guest to Sassin's Zips. Please feel free to tell everyone where they can find you what you are up to when you're not talking about boobs.

SPEAKER_02 2:39:19

So when I'm not talking about boobs, you can find me on all the socials at RainVox. It's R-E-I-G-N-V-O-X. Uh, I'm on everything. I'm on Twitch, Twitter, Blue Sky, Instagram, YouTube, everything. I am a voice actor and author, and I will I will show you guys. So I have a book coming out. We've got a little daughters. It's well, they've got this is the um my author proof. It's Poseidon's Daughters. Okay. And then Reckoning is the first one. It is a series that will be out on March 21st. It's on uh Amazon, Kindle, Paperback, the whole nine yards. Um, and I'm very excited. That's been a labor of love that's been in the works for a long time. I have uh four more books scheduled for release this year.

SPEAKER_00 2:40:19

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 2:40:20

So I've been writing for a long time and just kind of had them all stockpiled, and now I finally got to the point where I was like, I have to put them out. So I just have started. So this is the first one. It'll be uh the 21st of this month. I have some voiceover stuff in the works, but uh unfortunately there are NDAs in place, so I can't say anything yet. Um, or I will lose my jobs that I worked so hard to get. But yes, so I am all over. I I stream nerdy games, I talk about nerdy stuff, and when I'm not doing that, I'm writing sci-fi thrillers and southern gothic horror. Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_00 2:41:02

And Dustin?

SPEAKER_08 2:41:04

Yeah, um Dustin here. Uh I have a podcast, the Rewatch Recap, where we recap shows for nostalgia or pure amusement. Um, and you can find that on uh Blue Sky and YouTube. I got rid of all the other um socials because I was like, I'm not supporting these people. So um I'm doing that. And I'm also like I told you guys before, I am on another podcast. It's a uh it's a story-driven podcast, it's kind of like a nighttime soap opera. Like Melrose Place meets desperate housewives. It's called Old Cove. And I came in on season two as a mysterious older gentleman. I don't want to give too much away, but I will say that this past season just got nominated for LA Webfest Award. So I might be traveling to Los Angeles soon to be on a red carpet and all that good stuff, make some connections. We'll see.

SPEAKER_02 2:41:54

Um exciting.

SPEAKER_08 2:41:56

Yeah. Um, and I'm looking to hopefully finish a book pretty soon. I don't know when it's gonna happen. I've been working on it for the longest time, and I take breaks and I come back, and so we'll see how that works out. But you guys will know when it comes out.

SPEAKER_00 2:42:10

We want to say thank you to our guests for being here. As always, go check them out, go support them, be kind to one another, and you can find us as always at sassenssips.com. We remind you to drink responsibly and not to drink and drive. And until next time, I'm Lisa. And I'm Magnus, and we're out of here. See you later. Bye.

SPEAKER_07 2:42:33

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 2:42:34

Bye.