SPOTLIGHT on Mama D

SPEAKER_01 0:09

Hi, and welcome to today's Sassin Sips spotlight episode. Today we are going to be talking to Mama D. I am Lisa.

SPEAKER_06 0:19

And I'm Agnes.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

And welcome, Mama D. Welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_04 0:23

Hi, ladies. Thank you so much for asking me to join you for a spotlight. How cool is that? It's like a spotlight set.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

No, we are so thrilled that you are here with us because you're a pretty fascinating lady.

SPEAKER_04 0:36

Well, thank you. I think we all are. It's because I've enjoyed any little chat before, and I have enjoyed it so much. I mean, you learn so much from people, and I appreciate anybody I can sit down and just start laughing with immediately. That's so nice when you're not like, you know. I mean, I'm always nervous. I'm nervous anytime I meet somebody new. But when you start laughing, I'm like, okay, this is gonna be okay. You got this. This is okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Oh, I'm glad. I'm glad to hear that. Um, what are we all sipping on today? Who wants to go first? I'll go first. I have my red one in a jar because you know I'm cool like that. I'm fancy. I'm fancy.

SPEAKER_06 1:16

The mason jar.

SPEAKER_01 1:17

You like it's actually a mason jar. It's I bought it for something or other, and then I was like, well, they make good cups.

SPEAKER_06 1:26

I there's not that shabby sheet thing going on, and I may or may not have like two cases of the large ones and two cases of the small ones and extra tops because you know you move to the Midwest. What do you do? You can, um and you by guns. I have my Stella Rosa Black.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Well, she got the bottle too.

SPEAKER_06 1:47

I got the bottle, I brought the whole bottle out because I didn't know how much I needed today.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_06 1:57

We may or may not have a problem. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 2:00

Nothing wrong with that. Well, I feel bad because I'm just drinking coffee because of what time it is where I am. I was like, well, this is cup number three. So, you know, but I have my phone so I can text some kids and be like, you know, that white claw happen in the fridge. Go get that the door for me.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Coffee is very important, and I would not be here drinking my wine if I hadn't already had a coffee or two in my system. There you go.

SPEAKER_06 2:28

I keep a bottle of Kahlua just in case. Like sometimes we have early morning recordings, and like it's too early to drink. Oh, I'll just add the Kahlua to the coffee. Technically, not drinking, just a little enhancement.

unknown 2:43

Just a little bit.

SPEAKER_06 2:48

Sorry, my remote control on my table.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Oh, I'm like, I just had like a complete brain fart. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

Um I was like, was I supposed to tell more about my coffee? Because it's not very exciting, but I can go on a whole curry kick if y'all want me to. Thank God for edits. It's just kind of, you know, I do love my curry and I love my little pods, and you know, it's a problem, but I just learned how to use a curriculum because I never had one.

SPEAKER_06 3:16

I have coffee makers, I have an espresso machine, and we have a curricul at work, and I'm just like, I don't know how to use this. Someone help me. And I felt so stupid. I was just like, how do I not know how to push a button?

SPEAKER_04 3:28

Well, if you've never done it, you know, I mean, like, I think it's kind of like you say you have an espresso machine. I would love to have one of those, but I look at some of those big ones and I'm like, I know it would create exactly what I want it to, you know, create for me, but I don't know how to do it. And you get kind of intimidated when it's something new.

SPEAKER_06 3:46

So start off with the smaller ones, and now my pipe dream is to have like the commercial size one. Where would I put it? I don't know. I might have to get another house just for that, but that's okay. You know, I don't need to pay other bills, I don't need life insurance, I don't need any of that stuff, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Who needs actual food? Food? Yeah, my husband brought one home from work, and it's not a huge one, but it's listen, it does the trick. And I'm like, oh cool, how do I use it? So he showed me, and I was like, Oh, awesome. And then I don't know, like about a week later, I went to go use it again, and I'm like, oh fuck, how do I use this thing? He's like, dude, you just like put this in here and you hit this button, and I was like, Oh, okay, can you just just show me? And he's like, fine. So he did, and then like the next week, I'm like, wonder if I can get one more out of him. And then I think he figured out my game.

SPEAKER_06 4:48

I'm like, I'm still waiting for my espresso martini from him.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

I'm just saying you're gonna have to come this way. Okay, deliver to Wisconsin.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

I mean, but it's so much fun here.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

You tell him that. Agnes and I have known each other since the third grade. So sometimes the things that we say we forget, like that it might sound weird to outside ears.

SPEAKER_06 5:23

And highly inappropriate. And highly inappropriate. Oh my god, like someone listening in was like, what the hell's wrong with these people?

SPEAKER_04 5:32

But I love that. I mean, that is the coolest thing, third grade. I I love that. We don't always we hope to have you know relationships that special, and you know, you can come and go out of people's lives, you know, and that stuff. But you know, third that's amazing, and then to have those special little, you know, who cares, you know, if other people are listening going, okay. You know, I mean, that is such a cool bond. I'm so happy for both of you because most of us hope, you know, hope for something.

SPEAKER_06 6:03

If you have one to two really good people in your corner, you are blessed, you are lucky, you are beyond rich, well, emotionally rich. Um, unfortunately, she is stuck with me. I'm holding on my grim death. Yeah, but it's funny. Like sometimes we say things intentionally just to get a rise out of people. Because you know, we have wacky jokes between me, her, and her husband. We have pictures. People like, oh, who is that your boyfriend? I'm like, no, that's my friend's husband. They're like, Wait, what? What? I'm like, don't ask.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Well, what's funny is that there's another friend of ours who we've also known for like since elementary school, but her husband is not a fan of my husband. Oh, and my husband is the kind of person who will stick his tongue in Agnes's ear and we'll all laugh about it. But the other husband is like, that's inappropriate, and we're like, like, why we're five, like we all think it's funny.

SPEAKER_04 7:07

Oh, you gotta laugh. You gotta laugh. And I love that you have uh you've found somebody, you know, that is so welcoming to who your friends are, you know what I mean? Like sometimes them too, yeah. See, that's great. I mean, I think it's great. You should all, you know, that's what a good support system is, is for everybody to get along and just you know, want everybody else to be happy. I like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Thank you. So you I feel like support is like a magic word for you because support in the words it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:42

I use that a lot. I look back and I'm like, I use it's okay a lot in that sense because I'm always like, it's okay, it's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_01 7:49

And like not to be like punny, but it's okay, you know.

SPEAKER_06 7:56

I think that's what people really need to hear the most sometimes. Not valid, like some kind of validation, like I am human, this is normal, it's okay. And this someone else that doesn't have excuse my word, friend, someone doesn't have a cock in the fight to say that it's okay means so much more than a friend or a loved one who's gonna always gonna have your back. Very true, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:20

And I think, you know, I completely agree. I mean, so many times that you think you're the only one in dealing with something. And you know, I always say you're not special, and I know that sounds like really horrible, and I don't mean it bad. I just mean, you know, you're not the only one who has gone through this. So reach out, you know, but look around you and realize other people have, and you're gonna make it through, and it's gonna be okay. You can screw up a hundred times. There's so few things you can't in the end fix.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

Right.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

Really. I mean, you're just a couple, and usually those end up with prison sentences, you know. Everything else you can really fix, even if it takes a while to fix it, it's gonna be okay. It might not be the way you want it to be, and maybe that sucks, but it's gonna be okay. And I think I need to hear that's kind of my mantra because sometimes I'll have like one of those moments, and that's what I say to myself, it's gonna be okay. You just have to have to breathe, you know. It'll work out, maybe not the way I want it to, or the way a veil wants it to, but it's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_06 9:47

I think part of it is the hard part. My cat is driving me crazy. Um a lot of people want to do something and feel like they're gonna fix everything. Sometimes you could only do what you can do and just stop. Because sometimes you just can't fix it. You can't do anything about something. Just do what you can do and just stop and breathe. Get in your car, cry it out. Oh, yeah. Take a shower, cry it out. Like, and then you like you get up, like, okay, what's the next thing?

SPEAKER_04 10:22

I think we all um, I'm a fixer, and I talk about that in my a lot in my episodes. It I'm working on it because you know, when you've got young kids, the it's a good thing to always want to, you know, keep everybody safe and do everything. But when they get older, and then when you get older, you kind of start realizing that it's not always a good thing that you know, they've got to make their mistakes, and I see a kitty.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Say hi, Simon. Simon Simese. I think the cat's got some memo today because my assholes are acting up as well. And if you see me keep looking over because I'm like waiting for them to start fighting again. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 11:01

Oh, nothing makes me happier when I record. I'm always like, show me the cat, just show it to me so we can all move on.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Show the cat tax. That's exactly there's three over here. You can't see them because one is like right here, and the other two are in the bed, and she's like, um, hmm, you know, you shouldn't be there. And right behind the computer is the dog laying down. So at any given moment, this can turn into a circus.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

And I'll be so excited the whole time. I'll I'll be like, yay!

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Okay, I'm looking and I'm looking forward to it. Best recording ever. But yeah, we interrupted. I'm so sorry. Like you were talking about your um mantra and yeah, sorry.

SPEAKER_04 11:48

Oh, it's okay. No, I just um I think I always wanted wanted to fix everything because you know, we want to fix things for the people we care about, and that's just that's who we are, that's what makes us people. We want to fix things and help people, hopefully. So hopefully you're doing. But I realized pretty quickly when my kids definitely got older that I was doing more harm than good. And so I've gotten better. I still have a long way to go. Where when someone tells me a problem that that's not saying, Mama D, fix it, or Mama D, we want you to, you know, just jump in and start swinging. It's maybe sit back and let me talk about it. And I've gotten better about that, but my kids have gotten better of when they approach me, they'll be like, I just want you to sit there. And that's my cue to just like they don't want, you know, they won't want me to say anything. They need to work it out. And then later they might ask for what should I do or whatever. But I'm getting better, and then I'm also getting better at not like internalizing their stress because that's always been my thing, where I'm like, oh, you're upset. I care so much about you now. I'm upset, but I'm really upset because I'm not allowed to touch it because it's not my problem. And if you just let me go in there, I'd fix it all, you know, even though I wouldn't, but in my mind, I will. So I'm getting kind of better. And I think that just comes with age and comes with having a podcast because I'm like, oh, you don't want me to give you advice. Well, that's okay. I'll go up and I'll record my own advice and I'll make everyone else listen to it.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

Well, that's good because then you're not giving them quote unquote advice, but if they want it, they can come and listen and get it.

SPEAKER_04 13:32

Well, the funny thing is, is that you know, because we're doing this anonymously, no one knows I have this. My kids do and my husband, but they do not know the name of my podcast. They've never listened to it.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

Oh, that's impressive.

SPEAKER_04 13:45

No one, like my family, my parents, no one knows I have a podcast. So it's one of those that it's worked out so far. And um, but you know, I'll tell them like they're like, You're gonna go record this, aren't you? I'm like, Hell yeah, I am. I'm like, I'm gonna tell everybody how wrong you are.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

And it's it's funny because I've you know, like I've I've heard I haven't heard every episode of your show, but I have heard, um, and I do enjoy it. And I've heard you say how you, you know, your your immediate family, your husband and your kids know about the podcast, and then you like record, I guess, like at night when they're sleeping in the house is quiet.

SPEAKER_04 14:22

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

But I had no idea that even they didn't know the specifics of the show. I just assumed that because they were aware that mom is recording a podcast, that they, you know, that they knew what it was, and that is really impressive.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

They know it's something with advice because they're the ones, my boys are the ones that bought me all my equipment starting out. So they knew, well, they did it. It's not an awe thing, they they did it because they're selfish little buggers, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_06 14:56

If she's doing this, she's out of my hair.

SPEAKER_04 14:59

Exactly. Well, this they'll do it quick story. When my oldest was senior in high school, he, you know, was getting ready to go to college and it was, you know, beginning of the school year. So we're talking a lot about how he's gonna be leaving. And we were sitting around and he looked at my youngest son, and he's like, You know, when I'm gone, she is gonna be like all over you because she's not gonna have me. And my youngest son, like you just saw that face. He's like, Oh, hell no. You know, like she's gonna be outside the school, she is going to be in my world. And I'm sitting there going, Yeah, we know I will. Like, I have too much mom to, you know, I can't spread it, it's going one focus. So for Christmas, they bought me podcasting stuff and they said, Other people want to hear you, not us, but other people. And I'm like, Yeah, that's real funny. But it's kind of grown from there and it gave me an outlet because then when my oldest went away to college, it was very hard for me. And if I didn't have this, I think, who knows? You know, I think I would have, I would have found something. But this gave me, you know, a really healthy outlet really quickly. And but now, you know, they know I do advice because they'll they'll do something like, Oh, yeah, I'm gonna talk about that, you know, or they'll be arguing, like, oh, that goes on the podcast. They're like, Would you stop it? I'm like, no, you guys are like my source of entertainment. I'm gonna talk about you, but but it works out, you know.

SPEAKER_06 16:26

I just love the fact that they oh they they think that someone else wants to hear you, like my daughter was like, Yeah, no, no one cares about you like that. Like the your son's actually realized someone wants to listen to her.

SPEAKER_04 16:38

There's sarcasm in there. I think there was sarcasm, like I don't really think, you know, just a little.

SPEAKER_06 16:44

We're gonna go with the fact that they they appreciate you in their own way, but we'll do that way. We'll do that, yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

But regardless of whether they're being sarcastic or not, I think that the podcast is born out of a place of realism, and that's what makes it work so well. Because you're not speaking from crazy scenarios that are hypothetical or oh yeah, far away. You're speaking from a place of in it, of watching, of observing, of you like you you have this intimate view into the things that you're speaking on.

SPEAKER_04 17:23

I appreciate that. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

But you're you're welcome, and you're giving advice, like you say, you know, you're not um I forgot exactly your phrasing, you know, like you're not you're not like a doctor or whatever, but you're just a mama.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

Just I don't have a license or anything, I'm just a mom. I don't all that's all that's gone. It's just me now.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

And I think that that's all we need, you know. And it's like we all as listeners can hear the disclaimer and then decide do I listen or do I walk away? Do I take or do I leave it? And that's on us. But I love your message. Your message is just hey, I'm just a mom and and it's okay, and we'll be okay, and you know, this is the things that we can change, this is the things that we can, and and I think that it gives us a lot of validation for ourselves, like as moms who are listening to then not be so hard on ourselves because even if we're not dealing with the exact same situation, we're probably dealing with something that's similar.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

Yeah, just tweak it because it's it's amazing. Oh, that's so nice. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

You're welcome, you know. But I I mean it, you know, it it's just there are some things that you hear and you're like, oh wow, like I'm not the only one who's going through this, or well, that's a really good take on it. I didn't consider that like that perspective.

SPEAKER_04 18:56

And it makes a difference to not feel alone because I think you know, so often, you know, you do, you feel alone. So, and you know, so I appreciate that. Thank you. It's kind of welcome. Most of it's just me staring at a wall going, what the hell has happened today? And then I can what are we gonna talk about? So I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

And I think that the outlet for you is just as important for you to have that outlet as for the rest of us to be able to hear it. Because sometimes there's nights where I'm just like, what the fuck? Like, what the hell is happening? Like, what am I doing with my life? What is my life? Where am I going with my life? And and sometimes, you know, then we call a friend and we have the conversation and we ruminate and we you know kind of brainstorm and talk through. But sometimes when we don't have that ability and we get stuck, and even though we have a podcast, it's not exactly the same kind of platform for us to get on and say, oh, that you know, these are the things that are going on, and you know, but and and talk out talk out the things that are bothering us, and so I think that I'm trying to think of like the right way to s to word it. It's if I didn't have people that I could talk to on a regular basis who could hear me, I don't know where I would be if I didn't have that same kind of outlet. It's different, but it's still an outlet. Like then I can still get on our podcast and complain and bitch and go on my tangent and whatever and then off the air be like, cause do you know what this kid did? And do you whatever? But it's still it's just the same, like having that outlet, feeling like even if you're anonymous, even if you're not saying exactly what the situation is, just to be able to kind of talk it through, whether it's with yourself or with somebody, and it's important, it's so important, and I feel like a lot of people don't realize how important just being heard is.

SPEAKER_04 21:21

Getting it out of your head, it's it's getting right, you know, that stuff out of your head. And because I, you know, I've my little dog, I love my little dog, he's always top, you know, like in the order of importance in the house, it's it's the dog, and then the kids kind of alternate depending on who's done what, and then my husband, because he's always done something, you know, so it goes in an order. But I realize how much I talk to him, you might my dog. And so I always say that you know, even if you can't have if you can't have pets, that's fine. Have a plant. You need to get it out of your head, and sometimes, you know, if it can be kind of silly, you know, some I think it's not silly at all. Talk to yourself. I do it quite often. But, you know, if having something to talk to, something to direct it, someone, I mean, my plants all have names, talk to them because you need to get out. But it does help to have someone who can listen and answer you back, even if what they do is to say it's it's gonna be okay. Like right now sucks, but we're gonna get through it and I'm here to listen. I don't have any advice, but I'm gonna listen. And sometimes that's all we all need that. And if you don't have someone like that, you know, I hope you find someone like that because we all need it.

SPEAKER_03 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

But it's a, you know, I'm glad that I picked topics that people can relate to, you know, because I always say you can tweak it, you know, to whatever works for you. Because, you know, if I have people who don't have kids, and that's you know, anyone's welcome, everyone's welcome to listen, you know, just tweak it because it's amazing how you can tweak kids to be your coworkers because sometimes they act the same and you can just tweak that advice a little bit. And you know, because a lot of people have said, you know, can consider what I used to do before I had my kids and all of that. Why don't I talk about that stuff? And I said, Well, that stuff I talk about when I'm a guest on people's who want to hear about that part of my life, but I want the advice to be, you know, I can't really talk about those things and have someone listen and be like, oh, I can relate to that. I hope to God you can't relate to those stories. Like, I really, really hope that you're not like, Yes, I had to go to, you know, go to court because someone burned down a cornfield too. I can relate to that. I hope you don't have that. So I hope that when I tell my stories, you know, the things that are going on around here, people can be like, yeah, maybe I can tweak it. You know, and if I tweak it, then it relates. Or maybe it doesn't relate right now. I'm just gonna file it away. And maybe a year from now you'll be like, gosh, I heard this on a podcast. I don't remember what the podcast was. I don't remember who it was, but I remember they said this and it makes me feel better. And I just hope that that is what my podcast does to some degree. It just makes somebody feel a little bit better.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Do you want to talk about any of your I'm getting emotional? I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. No, but in a good way. Okay, you know, in a good way. Like, no, this is good. She has no feelings. This is good. Success. I made her cry. Um, I have heard you talk about some of your past life on your shows. And I mean, I'm like, I'll be listening while I'm working, and I'm just like, what the actual fuck?

SPEAKER_04 24:44

Oh yeah, I said that a lot. I still say yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

No, even I'm like, how is this real life?

SPEAKER_04 24:51

But oh yeah, it's a whole world, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

I know. So I mean, I don't know if if you if you want to talk about that here, you can. If not, we can tell people which episodes of what show to find those stories on. So it's totally up to you.

SPEAKER_04 25:03

But um well, I can I mean I'll say what I did, and if you know, usually I think by now, depending on what podcast you were listening to, I've told I feel like I've put on two different shows. Okay, because I know um I've talked a lot on fuck my work life with J and Kay. Yes, and they I just adore them, they are just the happiest people to be around. They make me laugh so much. They're the ones that was like, show me the cats, bring me a cat and let me see the cat. But before I so um I graduated with a degree in child psychology, which back 20 some years ago meant a lot more than it does now, because now it requires a lot more license that they the way I did it just kind of all work together into my degrees. They don't do it like that anymore. And personally, I think that that's for the best. Like it was too much to cover, but a lot of things that weren't covered that I think things should be separate because you're working, you know, with kids and you're working with people's mental health, and I think it should be covered a lot more, and it's gotten better. But this was, you know, 20, 30, you know, whatever, some years ago. Um, but I graduated and then I was a special treatment foster care. It's best to say social worker. I had a title, um, and I don't think they use those titles anymore, but I worked with the kids who were in foster care, but it was special treatment because they required much more than just here is a foster care home, you know, make sure they have their needs met. Hopefully they're gonna have some visits with biological parents. Hopefully, we're looking at reunification. I mean, put them in regular school, they might need some help here and there, but the kids that I worked with, nothing was ever regular or, you know, quote unquote normal. Every day was a shit show. And you had to just be prepared for that when you were the foster parent. And they went through a lot more training, which meant they got a lot, they got a different amount of pay. I'm not gonna say it was a lot. People never earn what they deserve. And these people, you know, you had some who didn't last because they saw that, oh, you can make more per hour or more per day, you know, I want that. And then they got their first kid and they're like, no, you know, you had to be prepared for this. And, you know, I don't care how many kids you had every day was different, you know. Um, but we were then trained to be the support for them, the liaison between the county and the courts. And, you know, I never really worked with biological parents. There was the one that I talked about in J and K's that you know, the sex worker that tried to kill me and everything in a mall. That was one of the only biological parents I dealt with, thank goodness. But most of these kids that I dealt with were teenagers. And by this point, they they were not, they should not go home. Their biological parents were, you know, I mean, were the reason they were where they were. Um, whether that was really, I'm not gonna even say shitty prenatal care, no prenatal care, no care until the child was taken away, or they were putting the kids in very, very bad situations. And you, you know, what the result was for these children was such coping. It's not their fault, but their behaviors were. Those were their choices. I say there's a reason, and then there's an ex, you know, reasons are not, reasons are reasons, they're not excuses. I mean, you can't say, well, you know, my dad did this. Well, yes, he did. He's a piece of shit. But you could not then go do this to somebody else, you know, and we're trying to break that cycle. And you know, we did our best. Um I know I failed most of them, but that was not for lack of trying on my part or lack of um, I was young, and you know, you go into something with this full-blown I am going to save, you know, you put a kid in front of me, I am going to change their existence. And I realized I was up against every wall, whether it was the state, whether it was the, you know, and not I mean, I worked with some great price workers, some great county workers like GALs. I'm not saying it's the state, you know, and I had a wall there. I had a wall with the foster parents a lot of times because they didn't want to deal with some of the stuff. And then the kids did not like the labels they were given. And I totally understand that, but quit acting like a fool. And maybe, you know, we would start taking some labels off. But you are literally meeting every criteria for this. If you don't have it, I mean, we sometimes just have to accept this is who you are. Let's work with it, let's make you the best you you can be, and I'm willing to help you do that. And they like, no, you're like, okay, well, no, that that pretty much summed it up.

SPEAKER_06 30:16

Yeah, summed it up. You can't do yeah, you can't help someone who incapable or not ready to be helped.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

Right. And they were, I mean, I'm gonna call them babies. They weren't, I mean, they were bigger than me, but you know, they were still babies in their development, and some of them were even more babies because they got stunted quite early. So, you know, I went into it thinking that I was going to, you know, fix it. And I didn't. And so that's why I think another reason why I don't really I'm fine talking about it on other podcasts because maybe I can we can talk, and that's why I say we laugh about it. These are not stories I get. People might be like, you are psychotic if you think you should laugh about this stuff. It's how I coped. And that's why, like with K and J, we laugh about it. And if someone were, I've always said I don't want someone to listen to this and think she is just uncaring bitch. It was a wall I put up so I could function. And I cried a lot. And when it was over, I shut a door. And now I can open the door and talk about it because I think there's a lot you can learn from it, but I'm not gonna talk about it just on my podcast by myself in my little studio alcove and try to deal with those feelings. You know, that's why we have therapy, that's why we do those kind of things. So, but I mean it's made me who I am.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

I think that it's yeah, but when things are hard, I mean, sometimes you have two choices laugh or cry. Yes, yes, and as much as laughing seems like the psychotic choice, it's it's the time to stay healthier. Yeah, it's the sometimes it's the choice that will enable you to keep moving forward because when we uh me, when I get stuck in that crying, it's harder to pull myself out of it. Oh yeah, and so it's like I'm gonna laugh now and I'm gonna save the crying for later when I can like be in the shower, sit on the floor, and and and have my meltdown. You know, but I have the time for it. I'm gonna plan for it because you know we're moms and we have to have to schedule for your breakdowns. Absolutely. Oh yeah, oh yeah. But I think that for me, one of the things that draws me to your stories are um I have a degree in psychology also. Oh, it's the best degree ever, isn't it? Well, everybody needs to be a psychologist. It's great. I mean, it's the most fascinating, and I definitely had thought that I would be going into um or or wanted to go into like a a clinical profession. I do not do anything involving my degree. I work for accounts payable. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:07

Um, you've been surprised. I bet you do. I mean, that's the thing is psychology. You can you never know. Like, I'm like, I think I just like you know, I I can use this a little bit because I can understand people a little bit better. It's a great, you know, yeah. It's great. So even if you don't want to go to school to study it, read about it. It's a cool thing to understand maybe why people think the way they do. So maybe you can be more understanding towards people.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Definitely. Um it took me a very long time to actually finally graduate college, you know, kids, husband, this, that. So, but when I when I did finally graduate, I actually have a dual degree in health and nutrition science and psychology. But for you. Thank you. Um, I was working for an afterschool, a nonprofit after school program at the time. Um, and then when I graduated, I wanted to, it was, you know, part-time gig or whatever. I wanted to do something more focused with my degree. I wanted to, you know, really give back and and get into that kind of field. And excuse me. A neighbor of mine worked at um I've I forgot what the proper name for it is, but it's a facility where you know troubled kids live.

SPEAKER_04 34:29

An impatient kind of place.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

Yeah. And um, it was closer to my home, it was full-time hours, and the kids live there, they go to attend their classes there, you know, like teenagers. And he was like, Hey, if you want me to get you an interview, you know, and I was like, Oh wow, I really appreciate that. I went to the interview, and they were like, Hey, we're gonna make you an offer, and and then when I saw the money that they were offering me, and I'm just like, How do I survive on this? Like and it it was kind of like one of those things where you feel really shitty because this is exactly what I wanted to do, but it's also not really gonna put food on the table for my kids. Yeah, and the job that I was already in, I mean, it wasn't like it was a bad job, I was nonprofit, after school program for elementary school kids, but I was working less hours making the same amount of money. My boss was phenomenal. I could bring my kids with me if I didn't have you know, like childcare or whatever, and it was like I don't know. So, like I beat myself up for a while because I ended up turning down the job because of the money. And I was just like, I don't know, does that make me a bad person? Because this is literally what I wanted to do. I wanted to work with these kinds of kids, I wanted to try to make a difference, I wanted to try to, you know, just give back and help people. And I was like, well, the money wasn't enough, and it wasn't like, oh, well, now I can't buy my private jet and my fur coat. It was like stop and shop, you know, you can't buy groceries with promises. So, you know, it was like that's true.

SPEAKER_04 36:19

But I'm I'm I'm still like so just interested in oh, but see, that's you are I know I don't know you, but you are um would be so perfect to like, you know, when your kids get older. I mean, I you know, we talked about ages, so I don't know what ages your kids are.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

My oldest is 17. My middle is at the time of this recording, by the time this comes out, she will have already turned 16. Um and my youngest is 10.

SPEAKER_04 36:50

Okay. You would be surprised. I mean, there are so many wonderful ways you could volunteer that, you know, especially with kids in school and or weekends, or like I keep looking ahead. My youngest is uh 16. He's a sophomore in high school. When he graduates, I know I can't go back to what I was doing physically, mentally, you know, all of it. I can't do it. That's a lot there's you know, there's some cool things that I could go do and volunteer that are a little bit more in my my you know, availability now, my this what I can handle. And you should do that. I mean, it's amazing how because we had people who came in and it was very because they were foster foster care, because there was a lot of red tape. So it's not like I could just be like, these are my friends that I graduated with, they're all gonna come in and read, you know, that no, right? But you know, my oldest, he last summer decided that he was like, you know, I don't, it's hard to get an internship based on what he had education-wise at that point. So he's like, you know, I'm gonna go and just volunteer. And I said, Well, you know, what do you want to do? And he's like, I think I'm gonna go. We have this place that is um, it's well, it's for Special Olympics, but it's this big broad thing. He's like, I'm gonna go and see because I play soccer, you know, see if they they put him on the, they let him go play golf, which he's never played golf before. So they sent him out with like eight clients and a golf cart, and he went golfing every Saturday with these kids and had the most awesome time. But the best part was when he left to go back to school, how much of a difference he made because they would be like, you know, will you come back? Will you come? We're doing craft night. Will you come do craft night? And that was what his summer was. And I'm like, you know, you don't know the impact you can make, just something small, like just saying, I'm gonna go read, you know, to some kids that, you know, at the library, or I'm gonna go. I just, if you have time, you know, and you have the room in your heart at that moment, go do it because we can make such huge impacts, and they don't we don't realize that they're huge. But you know, my son driving a golf cart with you know, eight clients who all actually knew how to play golf because they all were trying to make the Special Olympic for our area team. And then there's my kid who's like, you know, if we could just kick the damn ball, we could win this. Who thought this was a good idea? And then they're like, Do you want to do softball next? He's like, No, I can't hit things, like I literally kick. That's what I do, you know. But so go, you know, because I think you would if you still, in my opinion, it's just my opinion, if you still have some sort of like I wish, you know, do it now, you know, or do it 10 years from now because you do have a 10-year-old. And that, you know, our kids have to the reason why some of our kids were in the programs they were in back then was because no one put them first, and so we have to put our kids first. That you know, not that you going and volunteering is selfish by any means, but we have to make sure our kids, because that's what our our one of our jobs is, yeah. But you know, those opportunities will always unfortunately, I hate to say that, they'll be there, and who knows what you you know, you could make some kid go home and smile, and that's all it is, is just somebody going home and smiling, you know, or just feeling a little bit of warmth that day. So you could do it.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

I definitely have to look into. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 40:30

I'm rooting for both of you.

SPEAKER_06 40:31

You go do it too. Opportunities here, and it's funny, and I was actually before COVID, like before COVID just popped his out of the I was looking into being a kangaroo volunteer, like the whole babies in Nikki and all the other stuff. Yes, but none of the hospitals around me was part of the program. And then COVID hit. That was the oh god, yeah. I'm still actually looking, then I did other volunteer work, but I was like, um I don't have the time anymore. And then this one over here wrote me into this. Like, I she's just I don't know, day driver, damn podcast.

SPEAKER_01 41:11

We bring joy to people that's what it is in the form of alcohol, but still it's nothing more than they're just like these two dumbasses.

SPEAKER_06 41:18

I mean, I'm okay with being laughed at, like it, like if my silly I'll be the first one to laugh at myself. Outrageousness makes you laugh, I'll take it.

SPEAKER_04 41:30

I don't mind of that, you know. I mean, we all think, and that's the other one is that you know, I'm sitting here saying go volunteer. It doesn't matter. I mean, if we go out and do something with like positive intentions, you know, it you never know. Like there's some podcasts that I listen to and I will be driving the road and just start laughing. And I didn't even realize I needed that. And they didn't probably even realize that the joke was that funny, but for whatever reason, it was really damn funny to me at that moment. And I go through my day with a little bit of a smile, and I think, my God, that's all we can do for each other. It doesn't have to be big, you know. It could be waving at somebody in a line, it could be letting someone in front of you, it could be, you know, just saying hi to a stranger. I mean, it it doesn't take much, and I think we all think that, you know, things have to be huge. They they don't. I mean, they're huge to the person you do it for or two, or what you know, that's all that matters. It's kind of, you know.

SPEAKER_06 42:31

I've been on the receiving end of that. I was having a bad day, I wasn't feeling well. I'm like, I'm gonna have another flare up. This is not good. I go in to get some gas. I'm at the counter, and a young man with his father. Um, and I don't the fact that I have to put this as a disclaimer so no one thinks it was creepy. The young man, I want to say down center, like he was yeah, and he looks at me, he just gives me a hug. And I was just like, I did not know how much I needed that hug. Yes. And I was just like in my car, like bawling, but in a good way. Like it just went out so much. And I was like, I don't know who this kid was. I call I call everyone a kid. I don't I even call like I don't care if you're a hundred old years older than me when you're a kid. I don't know who he was, and I hope I see him again. Because, you know, in small town, Wisconsin. I'm sure I've probably seen him already. Um but I just like I love him, I thank him, and I just this I wish nothing but the best for him to this day. This happened six, seven years ago. And every time I go get gas, I think about this guy. Because he just amazing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 43:45

It's just you know, I mean, people think, oh, all you do is talk about positive, and yeah, I do, you know, but it's because it's gonna be okay, you know, it's gonna be okay, and sometimes giving someone a hug or you know, a little fist bump or just a smile. I mean, it's amazing how much a smile can just if you are upset, or maybe that's that trigger that makes you cry that you needed to cry, but you didn't want to cry. You know, I mean, I'm a full believer in, you know, if you gotta cry, you cry. You know, I mean, my boys, I'm always like, just if you need to cry, you cry, you know, because it really is refreshing. You got Then pull it back together, like we can't just keep crying.

SPEAKER_06 44:27

That's the hard part. Oh, that's the part that we're saying.

SPEAKER_04 44:31

This is cooler back in the case.

SPEAKER_06 44:35

Like I could cry between 10 and 10.05. And five minutes, it's a good one. That's a good one, right?

SPEAKER_04 44:42

Yep. Well, I always say it's those movies that I watch. Like, why are you watching that? Like, because I don't know. I mean, it just I needed a good cry. And then I just keep on moving. Yeah, it's gonna be okay. Keep on moving on. But yeah, I think the crying is what you know, it's not a sign of weakness, it's nothing wrong. It's just you gotta get it out of your head.

SPEAKER_06 45:03

So crying is cathartic and it's necessary, and it's help with it's a mental health thing. You gotta get your you can't do anything for yourself if you don't take care of your own mental health, and then you can't take care of any of your loved ones if you can't take care of yourself. It's just one big beautiful circle.

SPEAKER_04 45:21

It is, and it starts with you, and that's what we have to remember is that you know, I just had a guest on the last episode, and she um is a like a life coach, but she works mostly with kids or with moms, and she was like, Well, can I come on your podcast? I'm like, Well, of course. I said, but we have to kind of go broad. How broad can we go with what you're saying? Because I don't just have moms on. So she was telling about that, but she was talking about how you know you got to find what works for you, and that, you know, you have to take care of you. And I said, that is one of those hard things that is not just being as a mom, but like if you are, you know, a boss, if you're anybody, you feel like you have all these people underneath you and you have to put their oxygen masks on first when they say you're not supposed to, and it's like, I'm going to. Like, I mean, let's be logical here. I'm going to save my kid. It's this, that's who we are. But if I'm already taking care of myself, it's not going to be at a detriment, you know. I mean, I just have to balance a little bit better. But, you know, we we fluctuate, you know, some days we're a little lower on the on the importance, and some days, you know, a little higher. So we get to work out.

SPEAKER_01 46:36

But I so you know how they say like when things bother you or whatever, and then it's that thing is living rent-free in your head. Yeah. I love that you have a positive interaction living rent-free in your head instead of something that's like, you know, that bothers you or that that brings you negativity.

SPEAKER_04 46:59

I try. I mean, I we're all we're all those works in progress, you know. And I've had somebody they're like, you know, you must have this great relationship with your kids or you must have everything together. Because I listened to your podcast. I'm like, seriously, like, I mean, I sometimes function off four Oreos. Like that is, I'm sitting here telling you guys, take care of yourselves and all this, you know, or you know, you should go talk to someone and you know, get. I'm not a mental health professional, find someone to talk to. There's no shame. And then I'm sitting, you know, in a closet crying. And I'm like, you know, I I talk a good talk because I know what I should do. Implementing it is hard because I mean, I'm still working. One of my biggest issues is forgiveness. I don't do it. Um, I should. And logically, we can sit here and have like you, if you told me you couldn't forgive someone, I could give you all the come on, you know. You're giving them power over you and you're allowing them to control you. It's all true, yeah. But when it comes to me, I'm like, yeah, I still want to, you know, I want to take them down. Like, I mean, we've got a I've got plans, you know, and it's just the long-term plan, but they're going down one day. That's not good. I know that. But and that's I guess how everything is. I mean, it's so much easier said than done, you know. I mean, I can sit here and go on and on about, you know, how to have a good relationship with your kids, but you know, five, you know, a couple hours from now, I'm gonna have somebody probably tell me that, you know, they don't care what I think and storm away. And I'm gonna be like, oh, you know, like someone's not gas, someone has no car tomorrow. That's what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_06 48:41

But that actually sounds like us having our conversations with one another, and we're talking the one is talking the other one down, and meanwhile, a week later, the the same conversation is reversed.

SPEAKER_04 48:52

It is, and that's why we're not perfect. I mean, we no one is, and as soon as you can take that off the table and be like, you're not gonna be perfect, you're not. No, you know, it's not possible. We're all striving for it, you know. And you can have all the tools on your bag, but if you forget to use them because you got emotion involved, I mean, I can tell you how to deal with kids. I learned how to do it. We'll go back to in theory. That's what I talked about in K and J's all the time. In theory, you know, this is supposed to work, but you know, I can help other people with their kids. I have I have a lot of my kids' friends who come to me and they're like, they want to talk about things, and their parents are like, yeah, you know, talk to him, talk to us. We can work through this. And I'm like, definitely. But then it's my kid, and I'm like, you know, I raised a heathen. Like, how did I create you? And why did you think that was a good idea? You know, or it's just amazing to me, but it's because the emotions involved, and that's why I'm so big on therapy. You need to have that third person or that, you know, whatever it is to you who has no, they care about you, like your therapist cares. They don't want anything to happen to you, but they have no emotion in this, so they can actually give good advice, you know, and so yeah, I mean, I might have good advice for other people, but my own life, whoo, you know, we have we still have the same same struggles everybody else does. It's just, you know, because there's emotion.

SPEAKER_01 50:13

Yeah, and I think that that could be said for all of us. Yeah. We we're real good at telling other people or offering other people help or advice or solutions. And then when it comes to putting it in practice in our own lives, it's like spaghetti on the wall.

SPEAKER_06 50:28

It's just a hot pocket's thrown at us.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

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SPEAKER_04 50:52

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SPEAKER_06 52:25

First of all, like no one is perfect. No one has a perfect life. And if it is, it's a facade. But I'd rather get feedback or suggestions from someone I can relate to, who relates to me. And like, oh no, your house is a mess too. Oh great. Now we can tell each other how to clean our houses. Silly, something as stupid as that. Like I know that you relate to me. If I see you going through the same thing I'm going through, it just makes sense. Yeah. Someone who doesn't have that relatability or doesn't have that has the perfect life. Do you really know what I'm going through? And then honestly, are you trying to hide your real life? Because you're not it kind of it's kind of a little sketchy. You don't trust someone who does it, it's not relatable because you're like, I want something who's relatable. You feel it's real, right? It's genuine. Right. So all the hot messes unite and give advice. It's work I mean.

SPEAKER_01 53:23

I'll be at the meeting. I'll I'll bring some snacks. Cool.

SPEAKER_04 53:27

I'll bring the air fryer. I tell you that air fryer is an awesome thing.

SPEAKER_01 53:30

Um, no, it makes it every episode. Agnes is raving about her air fryer.

SPEAKER_06 53:35

Oh, it's a ninja tinder crisp. It was like the it's an Instapot and a slow cooker and an air fryer, and it's life itself, and everyone should get one.

SPEAKER_04 53:44

I actually just recorded an episode that will be next week. I don't know when this will air or something where I talked about.

SPEAKER_01 53:49

So this is gonna air April 1st.

SPEAKER_04 53:51

Okay, so it'll be March or no, end of February. So go listen to my April or my February episode at the end, um, where I talked about this stupid air fryer because I didn't want one. And all the life lessons I have learned because of this stupid air fryer that my parents got my husband for Christmas because I didn't want one. So they decided to circumvent the system by giving it to my husband. Because I was like, you know, all the ones I had seen were like circles and everything. This thing is a big square that folds down so it fits under my cabinets, and it is like five or eight settings, so it does everything, but what it does the most in my home is literally make mozzarella sticks by the fucking bag. Okay. My kids throw in bags of these things and they just keep making them. And I have learned that here I was so stuck in my way of doing things. That's the whole purpose of that episode. I make things in my oven, I make it this way, I do this, and no matter what anybody, I'm like, I know it works for you, and that's really great. I'm happy for you, but this is how I do it. And then my mom's like, no, you can do it a different way. And she was right. And of course, like I say, I'm not gonna tell her that because I mean, come on, you know. But it's funny to me how you know, sometimes we just need to take advice from other people, and if it didn't work, like if it just sat under my counter and then eventually it made its way down the basement, so be it. You know, I mean, I hate when gifts do that, but it but when you know, she gives me this big shadow she gave my husband, and he's like all excited because he's like, you know, Mama D wouldn't let me have one of these. I'm like, yeah, because we don't need it, we don't need, and now it's like the go-to. I mean, I admit I make hot pretzels in it, I'm not gonna lie. And I'm like, I'm making hot pretzels in beer cheese and watching a TV show at like 10 o'clock at night. And I'm like, okay, I was once over. Well, I wouldn't want to like heat up my oven or microwave, you know, pretzels aren't awesome. They're soggy or whatever. These things are perfection. And I'm like, okay, you know, sometimes you have to just say, maybe my way works and it works fine, that's cool and all, but maybe there are other ways that are, you know, maybe better or you know, equally good. And, you know, as I sit there and I'm re-watching all of Law and Order SVU, because why wouldn't I in my life? You know, I'm like, I'm on season three, and I'm like, this is a long-term commitment I'm going through.

SPEAKER_01 56:32

All right, listen, I'm I'm coming over. Just tell me what you need me to bring, and I I'm I'm gonna sit there and watch all 25 seasons with you.

SPEAKER_04 56:40

Oh, I would love that. Because it's just me sitting there with my phone and little dog, and I'm talking to him the whole time, and I'm like, so you know, you get to that point where you're like, Yeah, it was the guy in the in the convenience store, he's the one who did it, you know? And my dog's like, I don't care, woman.

SPEAKER_01 56:54

Right, right, right. I bought my husband a shirt that says, um, um, what does it say? Like something like S SGU lawn and garden, special gardening unit or something like that. Like lawn in order. That's what it said. Special gardening unit. And I'm like, you must wear this when you mow the lawn. And he's just like, do it.

SPEAKER_04 57:18

You have to. But no, I mean, there's a lot of, you know, it goes to show there's a lot of, you know, advice that we can get from any and get from each other and everything. I'm getting it from my mom, or yeah, it's just as long as we listen to each other, you know? And that's why again, you know, I just I stick with what I can talk about that people can relate to. Because if I start bringing in the old stuff, you know, people are like, I can't relate to that, you know. And or it comes across some, I worry that it comes across as like I have some knowledge that I truly don't have, you know, and I yes, I it worked. Would I have done things differently if I was me now working that job? Oh, hell yeah, I would have, you know.

SPEAKER_01 57:58

But but that's only the benefit of hindsight.

SPEAKER_04 58:01

Oh, it's a beautiful thing, isn't it? You know, it's so annoying that I'm like, why did I, you know? But those are cool memories, and that's why, you know, I kind of look and I'm like, I can laugh now and I can take things away from my own life, but it would be very hard for me to explain. Okay, I'm gonna tell you the guys this story, and this is the advice to take away from it. And people be like, no, that's not really the advice to take away from it, but that's the advice I took away from it. So, you know, as long as I can pass something on, but I kind of prefer things that people can maybe hopefully relate to, or people can send me questions, I get some really good questions, and then I try to figure those out.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

So well, um it's so funny because I am taking away from this air fryer story. For okay, so for like I'm one of those people who is like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. My husband is like, you're scared of technology, you're scared of I'm still driving around in a car that has a key to turn it on. Okay, everybody else in the world has a push start, and I'm like, cool, I have a key, it works. I love it.

SPEAKER_06 59:02

She keeps yelling, she's like, What's the point? I'm like, it's I mean, do like, do I care? No, but the cars are just that's where they're maybe made now. She goes, What if I just want to listen to my music? That's not my car. I said, You just push the button. She's like, Oh, no, there's still options. I like okay.

SPEAKER_01 59:18

I like what works. So, you know, he's he wants an air fryer, he wants an air fryer and I'm just like, uh, something else to take up space on the counter, like it's a Fed, it's this, it's that. Like, I don't want it. Like, I'm like, my husband loves stuff and I hate stuff. So it's it's I can relate to you.

SPEAKER_04 59:36

I get it.

SPEAKER_01 59:37

Yes, yes, and I and he also works for a place where he has access to stuff and brings stuff home. And sometimes they're cool, like an espresso machine, and other times it's stuff that just sits in the basement in the garage.

SPEAKER_06 59:54

Okay, so in your sense, yes, I can hear like I totally get why you hate stuff. I totally get it. I've seen yes. The fact that I can cook a whole chicken and the side dishes and crisp it all in one little pot in 20 minutes. Okay, isn't that a turn on for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:15

Like, God, can I talk?

unknown 1:00:16

I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:17

So you gotta get it. I was like, all right, whatever, blah blah blah, air fryer, blah, blah, blah. We in 2020, we we bought our first house, which is where we live now, and we were going to replace the oven. And so when we went oven shopping, shopping, the gentleman in the store was like, Oh, and look at this one, and it has this, and and a dual door, and and it has the air fryer, and it has the whatever. We were like, Oh, air fryer. So now here I'm hearing okay, cool, you get your air fryer, and I don't get clutter. So I'm like, cool, fine. This is the oven. This is the this is the one. So we did it, and I'm just like now we've been here for almost four years now, and I think I've used the air fryer like three times. And and it's it's amazing, like it's great, but now I'm like, well, maybe we do need one on the counter because me let me send you the link that I use.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:28

Oh, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:30

Go for it. Um, so we have it's it's a dual oven, and I I love it, but it has the option, right? So you can use it as a as a separate oven, or it has the middle part is an insert. So if you want to use the air fryer option, you have to take the middle part out. Fine, no, no big deal. It slides in and out. But I'm like, oh, but then I wouldn't have to turn on the whole oven and warm the whole house. And it's so funny as you're saying about the whole like the mozzarella sticks and the this and the that in a few minutes, and I'm like, yeah, maybe we do need one for the counter now. Because I really like using it, but I don't like having to turn on the oven and take the piece out, and it's like it's so stupid, right? It's just one thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:15

It's funny when we're doing things fast, or we have this is how we do it, and we have this much time, and it's funny how just doing a small step is just one more thing, probably because we have so much on our plates that it sounds like such a small step, but then when you come down to it, you're like, but I don't want to have to do another step, you know, and I don't know, or maybe I I totally believe that I'm just lazy half the time. I'm like, you know, I don't want to deal with it. I just, you know, with this thing, I'm like, I just fold it down. And you know, I hit like three buttons, and I'm like, you know, everybody's getting pizza rolls tonight. I don't want to hear you want something different. You know, I had three meetings. You know, yeah, I had three meetings. This is where you're gonna be, you know, and plus, I mean, I think, you know, obviously my kids are old enough, they better be doing a lot of this stuff on their own. I mean, that was part of my job as mom to make them, you know, sufficient, you know, where they could at least cook something. Apparently, they can cook mozzarella sticks.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:20

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:21

So success has been hashed.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:22

They're not gonna starve. That's all that matters. That's right. Right. Like when you have boys, wait, does it ain't did they aim it in the toilet and can they feed themselves? Then it's a wham.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:32

It is. It's you know, they bring out that ninja thing to make smoothies. And I'm like, you know, that I'm like, and see, and there's another one that I was like, I we have a blender. Now we have a blender that's like the massive old blender. Oh wow, and nobody wanted to use it. And I thought, you know what? I I get it. So I got the ninja because you know, they make it and they take one part off and then they put another part on, and that's what they drink out of. Yeah, it's all per so I mean I get some ease of it, but this is another contraption that I then had to find a place for. And I'm like, this it can't go in the closet with the panini maker. That I'm not sure who needed paninis because I've never seen a panini in this house or the huge griddle that they're like, Well, now you'll make pancakes. I said, when in 30 years have you seen me make pancakes? Like, you know, we all know I'll make you waffles with the waffle maker. Right now, you brought this big thing that you want. I'm like, come on, but I am learning that there are cool things out there, and maybe I need to just kind of be a little bit more willing to try it, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:40

I have to thank you because you reminded me just now that I have a waffle maker. I forgot I had a waffle maker. See, I was like, oh Lord, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:52

But it's it's the whole discussion. Waffles and pancakes are the same thing, right? I think like I have told my kids from the very beginning. I think so too. But my youngest, well, I wouldn't know you won't make pancakes. And I'm like, you know what? 16, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:07

I mean, like yeah, well, we want pancakes here. My husband makes them because I'm like, I don't make pancakes, like they're not even, I don't even want to eat them. But give me a waffle and I'm all over it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:20

I don't know why, and it's the grooves for the stuff to go in. It's just they're they're good.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:24

That must be it. Okay, I want breakfast now. Thank you. You're welcome. You know what I don't make myself, and I but I love when I order out, I love French toast. Like I go to get the Texas style French toast. Can I make French toast? Absolutely. But bread doesn't stay in my house long enough to get French toast stale. Like it doesn't stay long enough. Like if I want so I need someone to bring me like like day old bread so I can make French toast, the Texas style toast, just deliver it to my house and I'd be a happy girl. I'll make French toast all day, every day.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:03

I'm just picturing both of you, you know, we'll get together with our outside solar lights, yes, waving in the wind, you know, and then we'll have it'll be an interesting collection, but we'll have some, you know, some French toast, we'll have some bread, you know, some hot pretzels, you know, and we'll just watch SVU.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:23

Listen, I got a TV for Outside, we have a little deck right off of the the house, and my husband, the hoarder, has we have two, we actually have two TVs for outside. Yeah. Um, one is for the deck because there's stairs, and so like that one just rolls from the inside right to the outside, and then the other one is like for the big part of the yard, you know, and that one's in the shed because then you don't have to go up the stairs. But we'll sit on the deck, we'll put the fire pit, the tent with the lights, we'll have our SVU on the TV, our mozzarella sticks, our our lined up of our contraptions. We won't have to leave.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:05

We can sit and sit there all day, all night. I just don't know what wine or alcohol pairs with with this collection, but we'll have to someone's gonna have to do some research.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:14

I think figure it out. If we could do like at the moment research, I've opened it.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:17

I mean, if we're having if we're having waffles, we can have mimosas. If we're having mozzarella sticks and maybe some chips and dip, I have a margarita uh blender. Yeah, I mean that margarita's. Oh, we had one of those too.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:33

What happened to that?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:38

Some pizza rolls and mozzarella sticks in in our new air fryer and SVU and pretzels and the cheese dip. And listen, that sounds like a good night.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:48

I mean it would be well, I don't even know if you'd get me to leave. I would just think the next day you'd be like, she's still out there when she is.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:55

Okay, so I'd be sitting right next to you. At least there's a time to say, like, oh, just stay. Just like you just you live here now.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:02

Yes. You live here now. The sad thing is I'd be like, thank you. Just kidding. Let them sleep. Just don't tell them.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:10

Absolutely. Good. Don't wake me up too while you're at it. That would be snaps. I won't wake you up because I'll be sleeping. It's fine. It works.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:21

I think it's a plan. It's uh, you know, everybody else does their own collaborations, and this is our collaboration. It's just totally different.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:28

I'm ready. It's an entire vibe, and I'm so down with it. By the end of it, Lisa's gonna convince you to buy a house next door to her and connect the yards.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:38

And I'm okay with that. That's I'm really I don't see the problem. I like the idea of just you know, kind of rolling out, and we'll just sit and watch TV, and then I'll roll back up my stairs and go, Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:50

I just I I'm not seeing the flaw in this plan. No, there isn't.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:54

There really isn't now.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:58

This oh my god. Now I'm like, okay, can it be summer and can you guys come over? Like tell me what kind of chips you like.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:06

Yes, yes. There's really, you know what? I have never met a chip. No, I'm not I don't like spicy. That is my one thing because I think it was after the second kid where even cheez it's kind of would give me heartburn. I'm like, there's you know, not so I'm not a big spicy. Now I will do you there's some things, but you know, like I'm just saying, give me some, you know, like salt and vinegar, you know, Cape Cod chips. I like cheddar, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not exactly just I like flavored, yeah, but you know, like those ones where they're like these, you know, will burn your mouth. I don't need that, you know, like I think in my mouth because I like taste stuff.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:46

Jalapeno kettle chip though. You got me hooked in the jalapeno kettle chip with sour cream. Sour cream, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:52

See, I wonder if the sour cream knocks it down a little bit. It does, it's yeah, that's that would be a little bit better.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:58

Yeah, it gives it like that nice little it instead of dipping it in just like uh like an onion dip, you just dip it in the sour cream and you get like the spicy and the coolness.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:09

That would do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:10

Yeah, so good.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:11

I guess I'm going to the store after this. Thank you, Lisa.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:13

You're welcome. I'll have to put that in the curva list because that's fine tortilla chips and some salsa or some guac. Oh, who needs food? That is food. That is food. It's all good. If I didn't have kids, I could survive off of that, but that would get pretty expensive. And I think the government would frown upon me feeding that to my children every day.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:36

Oh, you just live my wait to wait till they're at the house, and then you can do whatever you want. I'm the legit living my best life.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:43

Yeah, well, I still got a few years.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:45

I actually hide things like in my car because the youngest he'll his sports season will be starting. Oh I spend a lot of time in my car. So I hide things and they'll know because we'll be growing somewhere and they'll like reach in, they're like, why are there, you know, why is there a bag of peeps in, you know, under the seat? Put the peeps back, okay?

SPEAKER_06 1:11:04

Looking like an at the school special.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:08

I park and I just sit there, and you know, it's how I don't, you know, yell out the window. I'm like, I'm just gonna sit here and just eat and just watch and be calm and you know, let him do his thing and support him the best I can in the car with a bag of you know Esther Price candy, and then we're all okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:26

So I I hide things in my bedroom because if I had it in my pantry, my grandkids are like Axel's like, what's that? I'm like, how the hell do you see that up there? And you're like two feet tall. Like, I don't understand.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:37

They're amazing, aren't they? There's like little beacons, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:41

So I have the goodies in my room on the other side of the bed.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:44

That's where I hide stuff too. I may or may not have like a whole giant box of sour patch. Um they call them the the the straws, the sour punch straws. Oh, yeah. You know, like the the big box. That may or may not fruit roll-ups, my chips. We have a refrigerator in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:05

Which keeps her her wine and stuff, yeah, goodies.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:08

Oh, how smart. I mean, they know obviously the kids know what's there because can't really hide that. They don't know what's in my closet because otherwise they eat it.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:17

They're savages, like it's amazing to me how they'll because when I come home with the groceries, they're supposed to, you know, like help me bring it in. That's one of the rules. And because I mean, I went and I got it for them. I'm like, you know, you can put stuff away, but it's amazing to me how there's things that don't make it, you know. And I'll pull out my Kroger list and I'm like, I ordered two things of Oreos, like two, that was for one week. They ate the Oreos every time they went out to the car. So there's one package of Oreos left because in each trip, they you know, and I'm like, I get that you guys are like, you know, growing. I find that to be kind of an excuse at this point. Like, I mean, I don't think you need as much as you're eating, you know, but they yeah, but they don't wait, one whole package is not a serving size to them, to them, oh to them. I mean, and to me, while watching SVU, yes, but not while putting groceries away.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:15

Okay, to be fair, yes, okay, you are right there. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:18

I mean, come on, but I I like I hate when I think about it and I'm like, my god, like I'm hiding stuff from my kids, and I hate the way it sounds when you say it out loud. But then when I think about it, I'm like, well, no, I have to because otherwise I won't have anything. I'm not the kind of person. Okay, granted, when I'm sitting there watching TV, I can demolish a family-sized bag of chips, no problem. But I've I've I'm trying to get better, I'm trying to be a little bit more like you know, gluttonous, like not so gluttonous when I'm sitting there in one sitting. But but with that being said, it's like when I'm peckish and I'm looking for my chips, or I'm looking for like my lemonade or whatever, it's not there. Because you know, I waited all of like four hours to want it.

SPEAKER_06 1:14:17

See, that's where you went wrong. You waited. You should have you should have just drank it, ate it in the car after driving home.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:26

And then my husband is like, oh, because you be hiding your snacks. The only reason you know I hide my snacks is because I try not to eat them all in I've I've gotten really better at not eating them all in one sitting. So I eat a little bit, put it away, have a look, you know, have a little bit the next night, and it's still there. That's how come you see it. If I didn't hide it, it would be gone. You know, like the chips that I bought for the kids to eat, like the ice cream I bought for the kids to eat, like the this that I bought for them, like the that that's how come you don't think that they have anything is because they ate it all in one day.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:00

But see, we all relate, and that's like, you know, I mean, we we get it. Like, you know, you shouldn't be, you know, like feel bad. We all understand that there is a reason why, like, I have one side of the couch, like, you know, in between like this table we have and the couch. I put things, and they'll be walking by and they'll be like, so that's where the box is. I'm like, yeah, no, on 50% was I was too lazy to get up and put it away. I own that, but the other 50% is because if I put it away and it's open, it's gone. And I don't care if everybody gets a bowl of them. Like that, it's supposed to be for everyone to share, but no one shares, you know, and you're right. All of a sudden it'll be like late at night. And I'm like, you know what? I really could use, you know, I want a scoop of ice cream, one scoop of ice cream, and it's gone. And I'm like, did anyone think to you know, mom had none? And then you wonder why mom's mad all the time. Could this be why mom's mad all the time?

SPEAKER_06 1:16:00

You know, she did not get her ice cream, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:04

People have died for less. Exactly, exactly. You all wonder why I'm glaring, you know? It's because I just wanted, but no, I get it, and I you know, and I'll lecture them because I think again, this is a life lesson, and I should as the mom give them a little life, but you know, I'm like, uh, I'll just buy more and hide it, you know. That's what go about that much.

SPEAKER_06 1:16:25

The proverbial smack in the head isn't needed. It is, it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:29

I put a whiteboard, I I asked my husband to hang up a whiteboard in the kitchen because I was so tired of then going to get something that doesn't matter what it is, right? And then hearing, we have no more milk, we have no more mayonnaise, we have no more ketchup, whatever. And I'm like, and or or I would come home from the the better one is when I would come home from the supermarket and they'd be like, Did you buy ketchup? Yeah, I don't hardly even use ketchup. How did I know? Oh, we're out, okay. But which one of you told me?

SPEAKER_05 1:17:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:04

Well, I don't know, I don't know. Okay, my ESP is on the blink, you know? Like you're gonna have to do better. So I'm like, can you hang up a whiteboard in the kitchen? And it's like right there. And I'm like, listen, when you guys see that we're running low on whatever it is, I don't care if it's you know, you want to use something, you want to use the to get the ice cream, and you realize that there's only like a half left. Because you know, you gotta give mom a little bit of time, you know, sometimes and you see that it's getting low, please write it on the board if you want to have more. If it's not on the board, it's not going to get purchased because I'm not doing an inventory when I go to the supermarket. I'm thinking, like, okay, well, we need meat for the week, we need, you know, milk, cereal, the staples kind of stuff, bread, in my case, lettuce, chips. Um I I'm I'm salad is like my snack.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:06

That's good. Yeah, that's that's my weekly. I was totally making fun of like she could eat a head of lettuce like it's an apple.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:11

She's oh yeah, I I like to say I'm like, I'm the idiot who gets the edible arrangement, eats the fruit, and then eats the kale underneath it. But I'm just like, I need help. Like, I'm I just can't, you know. So so they've gotten really good at writing stuff on the board. They are not really good at checking. So then, like, let's say they put something on the board and they're like, Oh, we need ketchup. I'll buy the ketchup, I'll erase where it said ketchup, and then they go to use the ketchup and they see that it's low, so they put it back on the list. So sometimes we have like multiples of things, but I'm like, did that? Yeah, and then I'm like, Why is ketchup there? And they're like, Oh, we need it. And I'm like, Did you check? And then they'll look and they'll be like, Oh, there's three of them. Yeah, because I bought it three times like a video.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:05

Well, at least you have an excuse, like you have multiple people, it doesn't get checked. I do that to myself, I put it in my whiteboard, and I'm like, Oh, okay, maybe I should have checked it off. Like, so I mean, that's I have problems.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:20

No, I like that. That's a very it has helped. Mine is you have to if because I do everything um I order online because I learn, at least for me, I plan better. And then I go and I pick it up, I don't have it delivered. Same, but it really cut back on my bill because I have a very big problem with the words manager special on a sticker on something, where I'm like, I too, you know, like cake. So we need those, you know, and I'll put them in. So when I do it this way, it's gotten, you know, it really has cut back and I can budget better for us. You know, now you can always tell when's you know the oldest is home from college, he's home for two weeks now. It just skyrockets because he just, I mean, he he eats. But you know, mine is that if you want something, if you use the last say of the ketchup, you can't just say it to me. You have to actually say, Mom, get your phone, and you see me pull up the app and then I add it. And if you're not gonna take that step, then if it's not there and it's not and it's the same with like laundry. I'm like, you know, I fold it and bring it up, I fold in the basement, they have to bring it up, I put it in each of their rooms. But I'm like, if you reach in the drawer and you get the last pair of socks, you have to tell me because maybe I don't, you know, I don't know that I do not, like you say, go through and do inventory. That's not part of my day to open drawers and be like, who needs underwear? I don't, you know, you all grown, you know, just sit there and say, Hey, mom, I took the last of this, or I need a new pair of shorts because I've worn, you know, I went through five outfits today because I did this and played this and played this and then lifted and did this. That's fine. I don't mind doing the laundry, but I do mind if all of a sudden the next day you're like, I have no shorts, and I'm like, you better hope your brother has something because otherwise you're wearing sweats, my friend, you know, because I I can't help you out. It's all about just taking a little responsibility. And we, you know, you figure out what works best for your family. You know, mine is I need eye contact. You need to look at me and say, Mom, catch up. And I pull it up and I'm like, ketchup, and then we're good. If you just say it, I'm like, I got so much going on in my head. I'm like probably singing, you know, some song. That's one of my sides of my brain. The other side of my brain is like plotting something. I'm like, you know, just flew through, you know. I'm like, you need my attention to get it to work.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:49

So yeah, the whiteboard definitely has helped because then like it's the same like you. I like to do like the curbside pickup.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:58

So I it's a glorious thing.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:00

But with my phone, and I'm like, okay, looking at the board, and I'm like, okay, we need okay, this okay, let me find. Oh, and okay. And so then I don't have to worry about like, oh shit, I got to the store, I forgot my list. Of what do I need? What do I remember? Or you know, God forbid you text a kid and be like, hey, can you take a picture of the list and send it to me? Because you know, but having that has helped. I mean, I still forget stuff. I'm still like when I get my order and I'm like, oh, there's a okay, let's wipe that off. And then, like, and then I'm like, where's the oh shit? I forgot.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:32

Oh my god, it was right in front of my face. Right?

SPEAKER_06 1:22:35

See the the pickup I do when I had to, but I need to like go in and see what I'm getting. Because if it's if they're out of something, I want to be able to say, okay, I know that they were out of this. I don't have this. But when I get home with the stuff, I'm like, I don't know what the I don't know what the hell I ordered until a week later. I go pick it up. I'm like, oh yeah, they went, they didn't have that anymore. I my brain, too many things fall through my head, my holes in my head. So I need touch.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:05

I mean, there's definitely something about selecting your own produce or your own meat or or viewing like this product versus this product, and like, oh, but maybe this one is on sale and you didn't notice that because if you purchase on the app, but it for me, it's same like Mama D. No more like kind of like impulse buys, yeah, and it saves me, yeah, me too. And it saves me a lot of time because I'm like, okay, cool. In the morning, I'll just go with the list if I know whatever day that I have the time or the you know, I can fit in my schedule to pick up the order. And then I'm like, cool, make my make my um order, and I'm like, got it, got it. And then I try to do it with enough time in advance that then if I remember something later, I'm like, cool, I can add, I can still add it.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:59

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:00

It doesn't always happen, but no, it's a glorious thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:05

I don't know why. Unless I had the grandkids with me, I feel guilty doing like having them bring it out to my car. I do not, I do not know why. I just like I could go in myself. So I don't people I don't want to feel judged. I've always I always put my handicap placard on just in case they won't like why she get off the car. She can do it herself. I'm like, handicap, please don't hate me. Um I just I don't know why.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:29

Well, you know, if karma has anything to say, right? For all the times that I do curbside or Instacart, and my daughter, my middle daughter just got accepted into a study abroad program. Yay! And I'm so fucking thrilled for her. Where's she going? Spain for like four weeks. Oh mama, that's gonna be hard, but that is so I'm already having like anxiety, yeah, not only about her traveling, but the financial cost of it, and I'm like so. I'm like, okay, guess who just signed up to be an Instacart shopper? So I have yet to start because I I literally only did it like last like we I just found out the email came in Friday night, and then they're like basically you have about a week to do the deposit, and it's like it's like just short of a week that they give you to get the hefty deposit in. And so then yesterday I'm like sitting there figuring out like how do I earn extra money in a pinch? And I'm like, guess who's gonna be door dashing? And you know, so I have yeah, so now I'm gonna be like, okay, well, let's let's see. Like, I mean, I I hope that I wasn't like an asshole when whenever I played. Well, if it were is coming back. No, you know, I I mean, you know, the only time I ever gave a bad review is when you're like, you don't give me what I ordered, and then you're like, no, sorry, like sorry, like we gave you everything, and I'm like, but you didn't.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:12

But anyway, it's hard. I mean, I have the same I've been doing the curbside pickup since before it was cool. Because I mean, I've been doing it probably since it started because I broke ankle and leg. It was this big, so I broke myself and we call it the incident, and I could not do it, like I literally couldn't do anything. So I started doing it then because the kids could pick stuff up, or I have I had the most blessed family around me, friends that were like, if you order it because you pay for it, they're like, We'll pick it up, we'll just bring it to your house. It's just one less thing that you have to deal with, you know. And so I started doing it then, and then I just kept doing it. And then with COVID, it became just a very, you know, it made it easier for everyone. And then I just continued, but I have the same baggers, and they're just the I don't know if if you call them baggers, what would they just be the people who bring it out? It's the same three guys, and over the you know, past couple years, we a first name basis. They I gave them each Christmas cards, they gave me stuff one guy's wife made ornaments, and he's like, My wife wanted you to have an ornament, and so I'm like, you know, it's just I guess I kind of look at them as and I do tip. I mean, I I have from the beginning been like, you know, I'm gonna tip and I'm gonna tip well because when I was broken, you're saving you're really this is a godsend for me. And then during COVID, I looked at it as you're putting yourself at risk. So I'm safe and my family's safe. I can give you a really good tip for that, you know? And then now I'm like, well, we've already done that for so many years, we might as well continue. Keep doing it, you know, and they do such a good job of putting it in the backseat. I mean, because now we're friends, and I'm like, I guess, you know, if I was just doing it here and there, I might feel like Ebbe's looking at me. Why is she not getting out of the car? Now I'm like, look, it's Ron. And then we're sitting, he's like, tell my kids, and I'm like, he's like, I got grandkid pictures, and you can just it's you know, a different. I look forward to seeing them, you know, of the little guy Gabe, who comes out and he now smiles at me. It's taken Him a while. He's probably gosh 18, 19 years old. And now he will say my name and he'll ask me how I'm doing. And I ask him, and then he'll be in the back and he puts, he's like, I'm gonna put my my AirPods on. I'm like, you you go at it, Gabe. You just you know, and he'll put him in, and he just sits back there and does it. And I'm like, you know, it everyone, you know, if you treat people right, they treat you right, and it's all good. And then I know they're always like, She's got that tip. I'm like, oh yeah, I got a tip because my ass didn't get out of a car. I'm sitting here and I'm pretty happy about it.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:00

So and sometimes, like I know for me, like with the whole curb side or the you know, delivery services, like I'm not always in the best financial position to tip as well as I'd like to. Um, you know, because I like I just can't.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:17

Um it's it's a come and go kind of thing, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:29:20

During COVID, I tried to make it a point, especially when everything was shut down, that if I ordered anything, you know, I was like, if I I can't, I'm not gonna order if I don't have more to give a tip. And like literally one time I ordered like two pizzas and I gave the guy like a $20 tip, and I was like, the tip is like more than the pizza, but you know, but but at that moment I could do it, and so but then it's like for me, I just try so hard that it's not that I don't want to, it's that sometimes, like a lot of times, I can't. So I try really hard to make it up with just being like super nice and super kind and appreciative and like show my gratitude, like thank you so much. Like, can I help you put the groceries in my car? Like, is it okay if I help you? You know, like I don't know what else to do because I know you want me to show my gratitude with cash, and I can't right now. I and I and if I had more time, I would go into the store and do my own shopping, but I can't. Like, I'm in between work and dropping this kid off where and and picking this kid up and then having to cook dinner before I pick the husband up. Like, you know, so I don't have the time to go into the store. But like, but I can stand here and I can put the groceries in my car myself. I can say thank you and be kind to you and smile. And it's like, I know that doesn't pay your bills, but that's all I have right now. Like, that's what I think.

SPEAKER_06 1:30:58

At the time, I was getting furniture delivered and I hadn't like no cash on me. I'm like, oh, because it just it didn't click. I'm like, oh damn. I said, I don't have cash, but I do have beer. They're like, okay. So I gave them both two beers each. I'm like, this is the best tip. I'm like, don't drink it while you're at work, though.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:18

Yes, it makes a difference. I do coke or pop, and when it doesn't matter if it's the, you know, if they've come and repair repair guys or whatever, or um, you know, we have our furnace heater because of where we live. Everything needs checked twice a year. Just keep things running because holy crap, you'd be upset if it broke. Oh, and that's my thing is when they leave. And I just think, I mean, yeah, I wish I could pull out, you know, a 20. I wish I could, you know, I can't. So will you go, you know, look into the wide variety of beverages that my kids have collected over, you know, what type of mountain dew do you feel like today? Because I bet I have it. Or, you know, do you want water? What gator? What do you want? And I think, you know what? It's all about just making somebody. It is something, it's again, it's kind of going back to what we talked about at the beginning. It's small things that you don't realize matter to somebody. You smiling makes a difference, or when they smile at me, I might just need that. And it's free, you know, but it c it's free. It didn't cost you anything, but it was worth so much money. Yeah, you know, it's just it filled their heart, and I think we underestimate just have a good day, or just thank you. I mean, we don't do it kind of like though, you know, writing a letter and mailing it to somebody, it's a thank you instead of I mean, at least texts and stuff, it's acknowledgement. I'm cool with that. But you know, when I get a letter, I mean, I'm old, so I'm old, I know that, you know, but I make my kids do them. My theory is if someone spent five minutes, it probably well took you five minutes to write what probably took them half hour to purchase and wrap and mail, five minutes, and you might make somebody smile. It's just there's small things we need to just do, you know. I mean, is it gonna fix the world? I know. I mean, I wish, I wish it would, right? But if I can make your day a little bit better, then that's all that matters, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:33:24

I think that the small acts of kindness sometimes go a long way, you know. When I have people coming in, like we had an issue with our microwave a couple of weeks ago, still under warranty, and you know, I was like, hey, like, can I make you a cup of coffee? Would you like a bottle of water? And then no, no, I'm fine. You know, um, in the summer, I'll go and I'll buy this the small little water bottles, you know. Oh, yeah, and I put them in the freezer, and then I I have like a small little table right outside my door, and and and I'm the queen of getting things from Amazon, and you know the the less I have to leave my house, the better. But I I'll put them in one of those little um like drink tubs, I don't know what you call it, like the plastic things that you get at the 99 cent store. And I'll put like you know, a few little frozen bottles of water in there so that you know what, it's 85 degrees outside. And the mailman comes and he puts my mail in the box. Hey, grab a water, it's hot out. Like, if if that's a small thing that I can do that doesn't hurt my bottom line, I'm so happy to do it. When UPS comes, when Amazon comes, when FedEx brings my chewy box of 50 pounds of dog food, it's like, yeah, you know, I know, I know they're paying you to deliver, but if but if I can offer you a water because it's hot out and you might be thirsty, please take one. Like, you know, it's it's small, but I feel like sometimes sometimes there's those small little extras that really, really are simple and easy for us to do and and they mean something to somebody else, you know? Like if I was the one who's walking out there delivering stuff and it's hot, and who knows, maybe your air conditioner in your truck doesn't work, or you've had a long day, or your water ran out, and you don't you don't you have to finish your deliveries and you don't have time to stop at a store, but oh look, there's a bottle and it's you know, the water is half frozen, so you know it's nice and cold, and and like that's just what I need. Awesome. I'm I'm so glad that I can help, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:35:41

And even if they don't need the water per se, someone cut them off, but that little but you you gave them water, you're like, oh, that just fixed everything. It because I find in my past life, my past life, uh we've had some doozy as customers, like people walking in and just angry for no reason, and you're like, you know what? You just be nice to them, right? And then they walked out, they're like a totally different person because you don't know what they're going through. You don't know if they got their husband cheating, or whatever the case may be, you don't know what the day that they had, and sometimes they just need a little bit of love and a little bit of kindness to be able to get through the rest of their day. I mean, does it work all the time? No, but hey, I can't right. You can only offer as I'll offer you love, and if you don't, if that's not what you needed, I hope you find what you need. Don't take my joy because I don't have much of it. So you can't take what I have. Um, I'll give you some because love is multiplied, but you can't take my joy from me. I'm not that's not allowed.

SPEAKER_04 1:36:54

Right. No, I think we all think we have to do big things and you know, or things that involve money or anything, and it's just it's not, you know. I mean, it'd be nice, it would be wonderful if we could do that for each other, you know. Just here's a 20. Here's you know, can I pay for that? I mean, yeah, but you know, don't ever belittle a small gesture, don't ever act like because it, you know, was a smile that well, it didn't matter. It totally did.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:25

And it and going back to the smile thing, it does matter. And it matters both ways. When my weirdo neighbors moved in, so uh listen, I'm born and raised in Brooklyn, lived in New York City for 40 years, moved out to Jersey because real estate was more affordable, more affordable, and we can still commute. So, you know, here we are. Here, people are like, hi, good morning. Hi, how are you? They wave, they smile, it's like, what the fuck is going on? Anyway, so you fit in, you know. We moved the people next door to us after a couple of years. It was an older woman, she she sadly passed, and the kids decided to sell the house. The people who moved in, we saw the car, the car had New York plates, and we're like, oh, cool, like more New Yorkers, you know, here we are, we're taking over, like we do. Um, and one morning, early in the morning, like 7:30 in the morning, I'm walking my daughter to the down the block, just to the to the corner to get her bus for school, and the older man is standing outside smoking a cigarette, and I literally have to walk right past and there's no sidewalks here. And so, you know, as one does when you live here, you're like, good morning. And the man was like as I walked by, and I was like, Nice, or fucking not. And I'm just like, dude, like if you don't speak English or you don't want to speak to me, like you just stared at my face as I walked past you, but you even if you didn't understand what I was saying, you understood what I was saying. Like I waved, I smiled, you know, like it doesn't take much, but like two years later, that interaction still pisses me off because I'm like like I was trying to be nice to you because we live next door to each other, we share a fence in the yard, we you know, like our lawns are connected, and and you stared at me like I was some five-headed green alien.

SPEAKER_04 1:39:45

Like so, this is whose house you want me to buy and live next door to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:50

Oh, yeah, is that is that right? Because I want them gone. Yes, yes, exactly because you can try to get me to buy it. So I'm gonna try to get you to buy it. Yes, no, if you if you live there, then they leave.

SPEAKER_01 1:40:01

See, everybody, let me tell you, everybody else on this block is great, okay. My neighbors here are pretty damn cool. Like I Christmas time, I make them cupcakes, I bring them coquito. I am like, hey, who needs some? Like side hustle, I do cupcakes, so like when I have extras, I'm like, hey, who wants? Like, yeah, and I'm just giving them away. We have parties in the yard, and my neighbors across the street are like, hey, you need more parking, like we'll move our cars. It's like that's nice. No, like they're they're fucking amazing.

SPEAKER_04 1:40:32

It's just everyone except you know, and that's that thing though, that you know, we can sit here and talk about you know, smiling, like the little things, but it is important, I think, just to always remember there are there are assholes, there truly are. And if you put it out there repeatedly trying to be nice, there's nothing wrong with saying, you know what, this person, at least right now in their life and in my life, it's not worth it. I'm not gonna be rude, I'm not gonna try to hurt them, you know, but I am not going to, you know.

SPEAKER_06 1:41:08

Tell yourself not to hurt them. I do that quite often. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:13

Do that, you know. That would be bad. Yes. But it's okay to say, you know what, I'm just going to remind myself that they're not going to reciprocate.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:26

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:27

They're also not going to even accept for whatever reason, at least right now in their world. And you know what? Unless it's a really horrible interaction, if years from now they kind of thaw a little bit, who knows what they're going through. I mean, they there's a lot of bad things people can go through that they just don't know. But that's not an excuse. That's a reason.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:47

Reason. Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:41:47

You know, but it's not an excuse for being a jerk to somebody who said good morning or hi. So I'm just not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna waste my energy. I'm not gonna let you take my energy. I'm not gonna waste my energy. We're just gonna move on. And if I see you, I'm you know, just not going to, you know, I'll probably still smile because it's hard for me not to, but I'm not gonna take it personal. Because in the end, there are people we all know them, just people who truly are just assholes.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:16

Miserable.

SPEAKER_04 1:42:16

Right, you're you know, and there's it's not your fault. It's probably not, you know, it's probably honestly not even their fault.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:22

It just is yeah, I don't I don't know what it is with them.

SPEAKER_06 1:42:26

That's what I have a good take when they like dealing with like the ones that are just perpetually miserable and just want to be assholes. My daughter, I didn't realize I was doing this, but even she said it, this is what she does too. Read gentle parents, the asshole, the adult assholes. Now, Mr. So and so, that's not how we speak to our friends now, is it? And they just looked at like I because I'm not being you're not being rude, but they're like, uh, but uh is that how we say is that how we speak to people? No, it's not. They're like, Well, no, you don't complain. So they're like, they're stuck on stupid, and I get a perverse pleasure out of it. I wasn't mean, I get my jollies out of it. Yeah, it's a win-win situation.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:11

It's a win. I mean, I wish I could say I was that good, but it's fun though, Lisa. So uh on the on the opposite corner is somebody who I you know I've we've become friends with, and her mom lives on the other side of these weirdos. So we just they have the same name, so we just call mom mama, you know. That works, yeah. Yeah, and so we're like, damn, mama hates them too, like because her granddaughter lives with her, who's like three or four years old when these people moved in, and you know, as little kids do, they're like, Hi, yeah, and she's like, and the lady just stared at her face, and I'm like, oh my god, it's not just me, like she does it to the three singers too. What the fuck is going on? Like, okay, you don't like a grown-ass white lady, you know, but like, but but this three-year-old kid with glasses who who has like this bright red hair who couldn't be any cuter if she tried, okay? And she's like, and hi, and like I can hear it, you know, because the kid's been, you know, and I'm like, oh, what dickheads, like she's like them people. I'm like, mama, mama don't take shit.

SPEAKER_04 1:44:24

Like, well, you don't know, and that's the thing is that you know, I mean, I guess that I always am curious why, you know. I mean, like, why love to know? You know, that's why. I mean, goodness, I love my true crime stuff, and I love all that stuff because I'm always like, why?

SPEAKER_06 1:44:40

Like, what motivated you to do this?

SPEAKER_04 1:44:43

You know, there's gotta be, even if the person doesn't know, you there's gotta be something, you know, even if they're just fundamentally bad, like that that's at least something, but I don't know if I believe that that's even true. Like, I don't know, but at some point, you're just like, you know what? I don't really care why. You're just you're just an ass. My bad film.

SPEAKER_06 1:45:05

I do kind of want to like I don't know why, because I'm I'm just insane. I want to bring your neighbors something when I come to visit you next month. Do it. I'm just like knocking on the door. I'm like, here, have a great day.

SPEAKER_01 1:45:19

On Halloween, no, we were like, no, on how on Halloween, I was like telling the kids, I was like, go knock on the door for trick-or-treat. They're like, no, and so but then we waited to see like other kids that trick-or-treated, but they didn't they just never opened the door. But here's the thing, right? Like their their car two years later still has New York plates on it. We know that they're from New York, and where we live, it's like they're it's it's a guess, it's an it's an educated guess, but they've probably moved here from Staten Island or Brooklyn, you know, New York City. Like they probably weren't in the Bronx or Queens or Manhattan because those areas tend to move to either more northern New Jersey or they go to Long Island. Oh, they go to like Westchester, or they go right, or they go to Westchester, they go upstate, like see, I'm just like over here directing, like Queens goes to Long Island, Westchester, um, Manhattan, Bronx, they might go to Westchester or Northern New Jersey.

SPEAKER_06 1:46:24

Yeah, we we New Yorkers are like diverse, but we're not different purse, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:46:29

So but I'm like, okay, so like as an as a person who grew up in New York City, yeah, I I get the whole like you talking to me, like we don't talk to nobody, but at some point you realize that you're you're not having this interaction in Brooklyn, you're not having this interaction in New York City, you're not you are now here and here it took me a minute because I'm like people are saying good morning, like fuck who says good morning, like but you're like hi, like I think, but you know, but like you don't you don't want to be the weirdo, so you're like hi, okay, like you wave, whatever, because you don't want to be the weirdo, and it's like time after time, these people are just like no, and on one hand, I'm like, should I bow down to them being like fuck this, we are not going to change, or be like, you fucking weirdos, like why won't you say hi to the cute little three-year-old, you know?

SPEAKER_05 1:47:36

Like, right, saying hi to the adult is one thing. That's fine, don't say hi to me. But the cutest, because there's just some things in life that are empirically adorable, empirically attracted to everyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:50

Right. This little girl with the big glasses in the middle of the car.

SPEAKER_05 1:47:53

That's between anybody. I don't care who the kid says hi to you, you say hi. I don't care who you are, I don't care where you are. Like when the key tells you to drink the maple sleeve tea, you drink the maple leaf tea.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:04

Yes, you do. And you say, mmm, delicious.

SPEAKER_05 1:48:08

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 1:48:11

They're interesting. I'd be very interesting to know why. Yes, we'll find out.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:14

I'm gonna find out. Listen, listen, these people have some weird ass plywood all over the back of their deck. I don't know. They I have seen them mow their lawn, and I use the word mow loosely because it's more like literally a scissor.

SPEAKER_06 1:48:28

A scissor, and they they cut the blades of glass, yeah. Oh my gosh, these people are fascinating.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:34

Oh I have pictures because people are like, no, they don't. I'm like, no, no, I took the case. I have a picture of the man, he spent like two hours out there with a scissor in his lawn. I they had they had a lawn mower, but it was like um um electric, so you had to plug it in. So he ran, they would run like an extension cord. And so I'm like, but why aren't they just mowing their lawn? I'm like, oh yeah, because it's raining, so they can't use it because of the outlet. And then I'm like, but then why are you out there with a scissor? Just wait till it stops. So why are you mowing to find this?

SPEAKER_06 1:49:13

I'm gonna make friends with them, damn it. You have to. I'm gonna bring them. Um, you I I we talked about where we believe they're that the region they're from. I'm gonna bring them desserts from there, and I'm gonna make friends with them. God damn it, you're gonna love me. I'm gonna make you love me.

SPEAKER_04 1:49:29

Okay, have you ever movie because I mean you guys are my age group, the burbs, and it was the ones with Tom Hanks? With Tom Hanks. That's what these people like. Do they have like dead bodies in their basement?

SPEAKER_01 1:49:43

Like, I'm really oh my god, I can show you the text messages because one night there was a blackout. We had a really bad thunderstorm. There was a blackout, the whole block lost power, and it so happened to be that an anonymous source called in a wellness check for these people because it was a heat wave.

SPEAKER_05 1:50:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:50:03

We a lot of these houses are older, so they don't have central air, theirs included. We have like window units, and I'm like, dude, the car is parked outside, none of their windows are open, none of the air conditioners are on, and they keep their their like blackout curtains closed. And I'm like, it's like it's been like 95. Degrees all week. So some somebody called in a wellness check, and I I may or may not be responsible, but anyway, someone, some good Samaritan. But somebody got in my head and was like, dude, seriously, though, they may not be okay. Like they're older. If the son is not there, like they may not be okay. So anyway, so like the cops came out. Turns out that supposedly the parents were on vacation and the son was there. And the son has to be in his like 30s, maybe 40s, I don't know. But and was like, but it took the cops like 15-20 minutes of banging on the door for them to finally for him to finally come and open the door. And then the cops went to the yard and finally made connection with him. So I'm like, I don't even know how that happened. Like I'm in my window trying to work, like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_04 1:51:15

You were not, you had big binoculars. I you were that's what being yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:51:20

I was like trying to work and then running to the window and then trying to work and then running to I was like, I cannot get logged out. But like, and my neighbor is in, you know, her mom's house on the other side of their house, trying to give me the the text, like from you know that perspective. And then supposedly the they were on vacation, so they weren't even home, so that's why it was like nobody had seen them, nobody, whatever. Okay, whatever. All of a sudden, then the car hadn't moved for days and days and days, and then all of a sudden, after the cops left, about 20 minutes, then then he left in the car. Then all of a sudden, the lights go out because there's a power outage, huge thunderstorm, like the rain is pouring, pouring, pouring down. And I'm like, Well, there's nothing to do now. So I got a glass of wine, I was gonna go like lay in my bed and read, like on my Kindle, and and I see the lights from their car as I was walking to my room, and I'm like, oh wait, what is going on there? So I have my wine, I'm sitting by the window, and I'm like, my husband's like, Are you really fucking watching? I was like, what else do I have to do? There is no TV, there's no internet. Like, it's either this or read a book, and it's you have your own TV, you had it in a big, I mean, pig pig picture window. You're like, but I'm like, it's it is 85 degrees outside, and we have no electricity, so it's too hot for other activities. So, yes, this is the best I got right now. So I'm sitting there and I'm texting my neighbor, and I'm like, dude, like they just got home, like what's going on? And she's like, Oh, what do you see? And she she can see her doorbell cam and her mom's doorbell cam. So she's looking at the footage and she's like, Oh, yeah, they left it this time and they came back at this time. And I'm like, Oh my god, they're carrying a cooler. Now, mind you, they have a driveway and a garage, but why they park their car in the street is beyond me. So now they're pulling the cooler out of the trunk, they're walking across the sopping wet grass for some reason and bringing this stuff to the garage. Now, I don't know, I would have just backed the car up into the driveway so I didn't have to walk on the grass in the rain, like, but you know, what what do I know?

SPEAKER_04 1:53:35

With a dead body in the cooler, because we know there's a dead body in the cooler.

SPEAKER_06 1:53:38

Yeah, but exactly what she's doing. Even more of a reason to back that shit up and hide what you're bringing in, unless they wanted to throw off suspicion because it was so they wanted to see that thing was just a plain old cooler considering it's hot and there's no electricity, they're throwing off the suspicion of the body.

SPEAKER_01 1:53:56

Oh my god, like we haven't seen the mom in a while. Like, is she in the cooler? Like, what is going on? Is that why they they couldn't answer the door for the cops because they were sleeping in coffins in the basement? Like, what is going on with these people?

SPEAKER_04 1:54:07

Well, and then the lightning flashes, and as the lighting flashes, it's them looking at your window just to let you know that they know. See, it's I have the whole movie planned in my head and see. Yes, yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:54:18

And now I'm creeped out. The best part is that all of a sudden, then that night after they brought, because this is like about eight, seven: thirty, eight o'clock at night, you know, it's it's dark, it's summer, but it's dark, but it's you know, and it's like, well, maybe even 8 30. But anyway, um, and so then all of a sudden, like after they finish bringing, then all the lights in their house come on. And I'm like, dude, you haven't had lights on all fucking week. Then I can hear the air conditioner turn on because there's a window right here against this wall. There's a window, and their house is they have like the same window, and their air conditioner is there. So it's like I can hear it when it goes on. And I'm like, all of a sudden now your air conditioner's on, all your lights are on. What the fuck were you doing all week with no lights, no air conditioner, no windows open, no nothing.

SPEAKER_04 1:55:15

We could do a complete fantasy true crime podcast on this, these people every day we just record.

SPEAKER_01 1:55:25

The only thing that makes me think that there's nothing nefarious going on is that you know how, like, when something happens and they interview the neighbors and they're like, oh my god, but they were so nice and they were polite and they were this, and I'm like, oh, they were none of that.

SPEAKER_06 1:55:39

Like the ones that you suspect aren't doing anything, right? Of course, yeah, yeah. But maybe that's another that's another red herring. Yeah, because it's so obvious. They're like, of course they don't want to suspect us because it's so obvious. It's the burbs, it's the verbs. I totally think we should get our black on. We should just wear all black, put our caps on, and just like do it, just investigate.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:03

We should.

SPEAKER_06 1:56:03

I mean watch.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:05

We could have so much fun with it. That's I would love to know what close.

SPEAKER_06 1:56:10

Then we'll have to have our recordings like like in our earpieces so we can record as we're doing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:56:14

I need one of those um spy things with the um the the listening devices where yes, no.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:24

Do you guys have do you guys have a Patreon? Or do you guys have we do, yeah? Okay, well, this is my call to is it with call to action? Yes, do it to all your listeners. That what we need is that you subscribe to their Patreon so the money can be pulled together so we can make this happen. Because I've already I've already like interjected myself into this.

SPEAKER_06 1:56:45

So you'll totally want to this, this is do it. This is a three, this is a trio.

SPEAKER_04 1:56:49

You gotta this is how it's gonna have to be now. So this is there's no way out. Well, I'm constantly, I'm like, you know, I think it was K and J. I'm like, you know, so I'm gonna rewrite your podcast, and now we're gonna have me in it. And they're just like, it just doesn't work that way, mommy.

SPEAKER_06 1:57:05

Well, see, no opening all of them. We're actually open to reworking things. We're cut that's fine. If it works, it works.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:13

Yes, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:15

Well, and the only people you need to entertain is yourselves. So if we think it's working, I mean, you know, it everyone else will just enjoy it. That's actually the basis of this whole podcast.

SPEAKER_01 1:57:26

We think we're funny, entertaining ourselves, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:57:29

You know, and I think that no, that's what people are like, you know, how do you be successful? And I'm like, you know what? You have to make something that you think I would listen to, or I find people can tell. Like, I've listened to podcasts that some that are pretty successful and some that are not. And I'm like, I can literally tell when two people or one person or a group really are enjoying themselves, and then I really enjoy it. It's when things are forced. So, I mean, if you think you're funny, if you're having fun, other people will too. You know, it's not we don't make it for other people necessarily as we shouldn't, you know. We have to make it what we enjoy, and then other people will just hopefully enjoy it. And if they don't, they don't have good taste, is how I look at it. You know, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_06 1:58:16

Like, this is us love us or hate us, we think we're hysterical. I was listening to another podcast, and it was a watch rewatch from one this this amazing TV show, best TV show ever. And two of the actors are actually doing the podcast. Oh, that's fun. And one, they were like they were buddies on the show, and they're actually really best friends, they're all friends in real life. And the way they go back and forth, and just like it's just like I'm like, I want that for us. And I'm like, wait, that is us, and so it's like, oh my god, that is us.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:51

Yeah, if if we did this solely for like downloads or financial, we would have stopped a long time ago.

SPEAKER_06 1:58:58

A long time ago.

SPEAKER_01 1:58:59

Like, this is because we suck, no one like honestly, this is like a form of therapy for us. You know, we get together, we BS, we catch up, we you know, and it's yeah, we laugh and we make fun of ourselves and others, and well, and you find, you know, you collaborate, you find like-minded people, you do, you know, because I I belong to a network, and that has been, you know, that's one of our big things is that, yeah, you know, I mean, when y'all collaborate together, your numbers go up and all that, you know, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_04 1:59:29

And numbers are important. I'm not, you know, I don't want to create something for just me to listen to necessarily, because I could do that, I could talk to myself in my car and laugh and think I'm hilarious. I don't have to go through all the editing work and everything, you know. So I'm not saying numbers aren't important, but that can't be the reason. It's the people you meet, and it's maybe getting a message out, maybe, you know, some messages hit and some don't, but it's all just this whole, you know, and it's making these really cool friendships that, you know, I mean, that's why I like the network. I'm in like these are really cool people. And then outside the network, I've met some really cool people, and I'm like, you know, that's why we do this. It's all, you know, sometimes it, you know, great episodes, and other times I'm like, I don't even know what the hell that was. You know, and I'm in the net, I'm talking to the network. I'm like, yeah, don't listen to what I just created. They're like, no, it wasn't that bad. I'm like, y'all lie. I know it sucked.

SPEAKER_06 2:00:29

You're like, I don't know what this was, but just take it for what it is. Um makeup for it next week, I promise. That's right. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_04 2:00:35

I'm like, yeah. And then I do the next one. I'm like, yeah, that last one. There was a message. This is what I was trying to say, but it came across as this big gumbly gook, you know. And take those stories, and now this makes more sense.

SPEAKER_01 2:00:48

But I have to say that some of the podcasters that we have connected with, like, especially via social media. I never expected the camaraderie that we've received. Yes. And I fucking love it.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:07

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:08

You know, like you you go into anything and you're thinking, okay, well, this is all my comp competition. This is all, you know, how how do I how do how do I get somebody to listen to my show? And and you feel like, well, if they if they listen to your show, then they're not listening to somebody else's show. And that was the the thought that I had coming in.

SPEAKER_04 2:01:33

Logically, right? Logically, that makes sense, yeah. One winner. There's only one winner, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:01:39

And so, you know, when when we first started, we didn't set out to be like, hey, like fuck them all. Like it, but it was like, okay, well, like let's try to get into this space. And it was like, hey, cool, like look at what you're doing, and let's let's figure out a way to support each other. Um and over the few years, like we've developed friendships and people who are like always like ready to repost our episodes or re you know, or or give us a like, and it's it's such a small show of support, but it's but it's actually like really fucking huge.

SPEAKER_04 2:02:16

It's a smile, it's giving somebody a smile, right? Don't oh don't ever underestimate a smile that hitting that retweet or that share, whatever it is. It is a smile, don't underestimate it.

SPEAKER_01 2:02:30

In January, when we went to Podfest, we actually met one of those people in person and he was like, Can I hug you? And I was like, Yes, please. Like we have talked to each other online for about three years now, you know, and it's just been supportive, like, cool, like you're doing something cool, like let's let's show you some love, like um we're doing something, like let's show you know us some love. And it's such a small thing that has become such a big thing, and to finally see the person in real life and just have like a conversation and and that connection, it's like wow, like this is awesome, you know, and and I love that about this space, and that's kind of how we came out with Spotlight because we realized that we met some really cool people that we wanted to be able to extend the conversation more. But here, Agnes and I are talking about episodes of Lost, and it's like, okay, well, how do we incorporate this person or that person into the conversation without it feeling like, well, this is stupid because they they don't want to talk about lost, but I don't want to talk about lost. Shut up. But we really want to talk to them and have that conversation and get to know that person better, and we're like, oh, spotlight.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:56

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 2:03:57

And I thank you because like we are I know it's it's like our brainchild, and so not to sound like you know, anything more than humble, but like we love it too because it just gives us that permission that we can branch off from the episode by episode thing that we've been doing in order to make just more meaningful connections. And I you you're actually the third person that we're speaking to for one of these episodes. Oh, cool. And every single one has been just fucking amazing. Like we're good. We feel like we're so privileged to be speaking to so many people who are doing cool things and who have this life experience that we don't necessarily have, like different you know, different walks of life.

SPEAKER_04 2:04:47

And oh, you learn so much from each other, it truly is fascinating. And you're right, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:04:54

I'm still amazed, and I joke about it. Like our podcast about TV, like okay, we're like the kid, like we're entertainment, a podcast. Like these grown-ups want to talk to us. Like, oh my god, like they want to talk to us.

SPEAKER_04 2:05:07

I'm like, but the funniest thing is when you guys sent me a message, I'm like, someone wants to talk to me. I was so excited because you know, I have guests and I love, you know, everyone is like, you know, which one's your favorite? I'm like, I don't know because everyone has been so freaking different and come out like I mean, a conversation I thought would go one way has totally gone a different way. And I'm like, I didn't expect any of that. Or some of them I'm just like, that was just total crap. Like we just talked about nothing, it had no meaning behind it, other than we had a lot of fun, and I loved that. You know, it doesn't always have to be a message, it doesn't sometimes a message is just freaking laugh, you know, that's what matters. But I mean, I agree, it's it is a great group of people. You know, we don't have to stand on each other to you know get above. I can pull you up. We can stand, you know, we do so much better if we're holding each other and just you know, we're stable that way. And I think some people don't always see it that way. And I, you know, you can pick those people out pretty quickly where I'm like, yeah, you know, it's not gonna be a good fit, or you know, you scare me. We don't mean that, you know, I don't want to be scared, I don't want to do this, but you know, it is finding those people and then finding more people, and because I'll tell you how many times I found a podcast from listening to somebody's episode, an episode I usually listen to, and I'm like, oh, I've heard that promo a couple of times. I'll give them a listen, and then I'm like, holy heck, this is this is fun, or this is something I didn't know anything about. And now they have a new listener because you know, we just help each other, and that doesn't mean I quit listening to the first podcast, it just means now I have another one. Yeah, now I'm doing my laundry, listening to this one, and then when I'm doing my dishes, I'm listening to this one, and that's cool, you know.

SPEAKER_06 2:07:06

I don't have to just pick podcasting has turned the market sharing, the increasing of market sharing on its head. You're not fighting for customers, the it's it's like a totally different mod model, and it's it's awe-inspiring. It is like I actually left that that part, that convention a totally different, like a nicer person. No, not that I wasn't nice. I just went in like what is this gonna be like a convention, another TED talk. Like, I don't know if I want to be bothered, but I'm gonna do it because she's making me go. But um God kidnapped her. Yeah, so she totally kidnapped me. She made me get on the plane by myself and um, but the podcast world, it's like one big sorority or frat, but in a good way, when you're actually building life, hopefully, lifelong, career-long connections.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:08

It was a big sense of community, and like we had our moment where we talked to you know a bunch of people, and it's so funny because here we are talking to people, just face value. Like, here's another person, we're gonna talk to them, we're gonna share ideas, like this is uh what our show's about. Like, oh, that's what your show is about. And then it's so funny because then later we're like, holy cow, the person that we were speaking to has like their CV, or you know, it's like whole these are big names, they're doing important things, and they're doing and they're just we're just talking about us, like, hey, like what you guys are like, oh, that's awesome! And then one person was like, Oh my god, I heard of you guys, and we were like, Wait, what?

SPEAKER_06 2:08:50

I actually look oh like someone else you're talking about. Like, you're not talking to us.

SPEAKER_04 2:08:55

I always love that. Well, I remember when I first started because you know, you listen to your own episode, so you know, like the first, so you know, I have episode one and I listened to it, and I thought it was really good. It wasn't, but you know, you come from somewhere, you know. I'm like, I learned what you know, uh you know, audacity was. I learned things, you know, but then you listen to the second. Well, all of a sudden, instead of just having one listener, I had two. So somebody was listening to me, and I remember that moment of being like, you know, oh my gosh, somebody listened to me. And then, you know, it grows and grows, and then people send you, you know, an email, and they're like, you know, people don't understand that just sending an email to a you know, a podcaster or a content creator and just saying, hey, you know, even if it's not the best feedback, because I've had people be like, Yeah, you know, the music's this music's too loud. I appreciate that because in the end, that means you listen to me. You gave me a part of your day, small part, but you gave me a part, and I appreciate that so, so much. And I don't think we get that. That you know, it means so much to us to help each other out and build these connections because you're right. I mean, I hope they last. I hope that you know, because I want to celebrate with you. I want someone to celebrate with me. Because I, as I said, you know, my kids don't no one knows the name of my podcast. They know I have one, but they don't know. So when I hit something big, like, you know, like my 200th episode, I'm just about to record it. To me, that's a huge deal. And they will tell me, congratulations, mom. They will tell me they're proud, but they don't get it. But when I put it in my network or when I put it on, you know, X or whatever and say, people actually get it. And that means so much to me when somebody's like, I'm so proud of you. Who gets it? You know, it's just like I have this family that can celebrate with me because my own family, and by my own choice, they can't, other than, you know, like they're always like, What does that mean? We can have cupcakes. I'm like, yes, we can as well, you know, or yes, you know, but it's just nice. We it's nice to have each other, and you have to put yourself out there. And I think that's what some people don't do. They don't, it's scary. And I get that. But it's a welcoming group if you you get what you put into it. So don't expect people to just like smother you if you're not smothering back. Like, I mean, smothering being a good thing, you know. I mean, you want if you want that support, give it. And people will come. Me, I've met some people recently where I'm like, you know, if you're gonna listen to me, I'm gonna listen to you back. It's very simple. Like, I will, you know, it's I'll give it back. If you tell me, you know, yeah, I'll listen. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, I really like this podcast. Or if you retweet for me, of course I'm gonna do that for you. It's just, and sometimes it's just helping because it's not a podcast that maybe, I mean, I will never deny if it's a sports podcast, Mama D's not listening. Love you guys, love all of them out there, love you. I'm not going to do it, but I will retweet the hell out of it.

SPEAKER_01 2:12:15

Exactly. You know, we had this conversation, right? Like a few days ago, where I was like, there are some podcasters who have shown us. Support and I've tried to listen to their show and it's it's not a knock on their show, right? No, it just isn't a click. It's just not for you. It's just not for me. But you better believe that when I see your tweet, I'll retweet it. When I you know, I'll like it. Instagram, I'll I'll I'll even download your show and mark it as played. Like that helps. I've done that too. There's plenty of them, yeah. You know, unfortunately, to sit there for the hour, two hours to listen, that's what you're doing. If you don't want to do yeah, if it's not a connect, you know, yeah. But I'll but I'll try to find other ways because it it costs me zero. Right. And I can so easy I can give it a right, just something to somebody else who has given to us, right? You know, or even if they haven't, but like you know, just to put the positivity out there, you know, why not?

SPEAKER_04 2:13:21

Why that's some in my network one group went total sports, and I'm like, God, damn it, guys. Why would you do that? They're like, you know, people like this. I'm like, but I don't. So they added a segment where they do where they do gossip, and it's the most hilarious gossip because you can tell the three of them have no clue what to do, but they'll be like, so talk about Taylor Swift, and you know, they're like, find something that will make her listen. And I'm like, so I'm like, okay, um, I listened to you talk about this football game. Okay, it was a Super Bowl, yay. You know, I don't, I just don't, but then you talked about Taylor Swift and you had me. I did listen, so I mean, you know, they're trying that oh that's so cute, God love.

SPEAKER_06 2:14:08

But I think I listened just for that reason, like to talk about like a topic that you know nothing about, but you're gonna try to give it your all, and just I think that's gonna be hysterical.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:18

No, it's there are some shows that I depending on what the subject of that episode is, I'm like that, like that whatever that they're reviewing, I'm not a fan of, but I know that they do, you know, like XYZ at the end of their show, and that's like a um you know, a standing thing. Like every week they're gonna do, you know, like this um like a countdown or something, a segment.

SPEAKER_04 2:14:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:14:48

Yeah, the segment. And so even if I don't listen to the beginning, I'm like to the end where I hear like, you know, their their little like hot takes on this and that, and I'm just like, and that part cracks me up, and I'm like, okay, well, you know, like I still am getting something from it, even if I, you know, and just not interested in the rest. I'm like, I I really want to just do what I can, but and it's so funny because like you were saying about finding other shows, that's how I found your show is listening to I I feel like it might have been KJ, but I really want to say I heard you on were you on the crime designer also?

SPEAKER_04 2:15:32

No, um, but I talked to them and I mean we would support each other. I was so sad when they decided to close their shop because they were hilarious. Um such nice people, just loved them. So you might have heard a promo on there or something. Um because I've been on a few. I mean, I've been on Dustin's.

SPEAKER_01 2:15:54

Um, there's just been a few that I've I've heard a couple of his episodes.

SPEAKER_04 2:15:58

I think it's you know, believe it or not, no one asks me. Um I wish they would. I'm always like, but maybe I smell people who come online, but you know, no one really will ask me, and that's fine. I mean, but K and J will ask me a bunch of times, so I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 2:16:13

Yeah, no, their their show is fun, and so I know I definitely heard you on their uh at least twice, I think.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:19

Yeah, I've done a few, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:16:20

They're always the at least twice, but and it's like you said, you know, sometimes you hear somebody on another show and you're like, holy cow, I didn't know this existed, but I want to listen.

SPEAKER_04 2:16:30

Well, and that's the problem with and I've told them on theirs is that because I when I go on as a guest, I'm willing to talk about, you know, like the job stuff. And I'm like, so when you come listen to me, you're not gonna hear that because again, it's too hard for me by myself to talk about it. Where K and J, I mean, we've had some good laughs, you know. I mean, just talking about, you know, God love those kids. I were my clients, love them all, you know, so much. But you know, those are you know the fun episodes where mine are just a little different. So I'm always like, you know, and Kay's, you know, you want to come back on. I'm like, hell yeah, you want to hear about a mannequin head? You know, like what are you feeling? Like, you know, what can I what can you what can I tell you about?

SPEAKER_06 2:17:16

I didn't know about that one.

SPEAKER_01 2:17:17

I mean, I can only speak for myself, but what I heard you speak about on their show is not what I heard on your show. Yeah, but it didn't deter, like for me, it was like, oh, this is not what I was expecting, but I like this.

SPEAKER_04 2:17:34

Well, I appreciate that because you don't want someone to get let down, you they're like, Oh, you know, she's telling this story about you know, like chasing a city bus, and then all of a sudden, you know, I'm like, let's talk about grief, you know. And I'm just like people by like, what the hell this woman is talking about over here. But right, yeah. We make do. It's just it's a lot easier, you know, one you know, talking to people is if I have someone to laugh with to talk about those kind of stories and stuff.

SPEAKER_06 2:18:05

Right.

SPEAKER_04 2:18:05

Because, you know, we need to laugh about them, and I can, you know, talk about them because I think I was telling about crisscross applesauce when we were that was my last time on there when we were fighting, you know, when I learned how to take down grown people. Oh, yes, yes, I did hear that one. How do you talk about that by yourself? You know, because I'm like, I'm trying to describe it, and I'm like, this is but when you've got someone looking at you, they can be like, Well, that's you know, this kind of takedown. I'm like, well, you can call it that. I call it crisscross applesauce, and that's what we did.

SPEAKER_06 2:18:34

A lot of crisscross applesauce. I just learned that all some like sitting, like your legs crossed, like yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, you're not saying that anymore. So we can't say it anymore. So I'm like, what is crisscross applesauce? Yeah, your legs crossed. I'm like, oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:18:49

Yeah, because how I'm sitting right now.

SPEAKER_06 2:18:51

I'm just sitting that way to my legs, like started hurting.

SPEAKER_04 2:18:54

Well, when you um when you are de-escalating and when you um need to when the words don't work and you need to physically restrain you know a client, it's this way, and it's the only way I could describe it is how you cross your hands, and then when you get them in the ground, you cross your feet. So we kept calling it crisscross apples. So, you know, in theory, and then in theory, because in theory, anything works, it's just you know, when you actually implement it, yes, and you're rolling on the floor, you know, it's it doesn't really work as well, but you know, I could still do it. I mean, I could bring my oldest in here and take his ass down. I could still I might, I might need, I might need to know that move, but it's uh yeah, it's a phone if it all goes in theory correctly.

SPEAKER_06 2:19:41

My mother taught me some other moves that are not really about de-escalating, but it's about winning the fight. But we're not gonna talk to that right now. Ask me about the Memphis Jack one day. Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 2:19:57

I think they've been in the fight. I think it's all it well, for you, like for me, it was like not hurting the child, but for the child, it was you know, get away. So they would do whatever move, you know. It I'd rather have been in the child's position because I'm like, you know, having to be very you have to be very careful because you can hurt somebody, you know, or the kids like trying, and then they're like, if I can get away, I'm bolting. And my thing was always, if you want to run, run. I mean, like, you're coming back. I hate to tell you that. You have no money, you don't know how to ride the bus, so you're coming back. So it's okay. You will be back. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:20:33

Yeah. Oh my goodness. Like, Mama D, this has been such a fun episode. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 2:20:42

I hope so. It was all over the place. I'm so sorry to people listening.

SPEAKER_06 2:20:48

You have no idea how our show sounds pre-edits. Like, we record, like you might guys might hear like a 50-minute episode. We've recorded like two and a half, three hours. So, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:21:02

Oh, it editing is a beautiful thing, isn't it? It really is.

SPEAKER_06 2:21:06

God, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:21:08

But you, I just want you to know that you have uh an open invitation anytime. I would love to return.

SPEAKER_04 2:21:15

I would love to return. Maybe I will actually come back with stories in that way. I can actually share some of my stories because I think we could we could laugh. And then I of course we'll come back so we can stalk your neighbors.

SPEAKER_01 2:21:27

Yes, we can't wait for that one. Yes, and and anytime that you want to come here, you know, from your secret identification. Yes, we will I'll have the deck ready, I'll have lawn order queued up. We'll have some.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:44

I'm getting that. I I'll I'll get them. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 2:21:46

I tell you, I can pull you guys each up like 20 from my yard inches and still have extra. And still be like, here, here's my ones that you stick in the ground.

SPEAKER_02 2:21:58

Yes. And yes, it looks like, yeah, that's what it looks like. I have those.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:02

Okay. They're only one.

SPEAKER_01 2:22:05

But they look like little like plants with bulbs at the end. Yes, yes, yes, I have them.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:09

Oh, they're just great.

SPEAKER_01 2:22:10

Okay, so no, I have to get it. Do you know what I did? Oh my god, I was weeding the front and there were like these um huge stalks because I I had slacked, and I took the hedge clipper and to to you know, you did it to the you did it to the lights. Some of them that could make sense. But I still have I there's still two more in the front and one in the back.

SPEAKER_04 2:22:37

Oh, they're gotta get more.

SPEAKER_01 2:22:39

So pretty. They are so pretty.

SPEAKER_06 2:22:41

I'm gonna wait till my ladies my lilies come up for the season so I know where I want them placed. I have mine with my daffodils. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited. And the rose bushes. Oh, I'm so excited. I'm having a moment. So, yeah, she is here's a secret. She's Batman. I'm sorry, guys. That's that's who I am. Mama D's Mamma D's Batman.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:00

If it if it can't be me, I guess it's fine.

SPEAKER_04 2:23:04

It's good, yeah. You know, that's what I'm always like. Where am I today? Because uh people are always like, you know, where are you located? I'm like, well, I wish I can't, you know, I can't say so. Today we're in Amsterdam because it just sounds perfect. So that's where we are. No reason, but you know, tomorrow probably Norway. We'll just kind of keep moving around.

SPEAKER_06 2:23:20

So I would love that. Let me know when you're in like Spain, Mallorca. Well, come visit, man. I'd love there.

SPEAKER_04 2:23:27

You go.

SPEAKER_06 2:23:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:23:28

And one day I'll be like, I'm in New Jersey.

SPEAKER_06 2:23:32

There we go.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:33

I'd be like, the deck is ready. There we go. Bring your bathing suit if it's warm out.

SPEAKER_06 2:23:37

That works. And we'll have binoculars ready for like uh stakeouts. Oh, I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_01 2:23:43

I'll have the listening equipment ready. We'll be all queued up.

SPEAKER_04 2:23:47

Join the Patreon because this is what the money can go to. See, you all can help support a fledgling offshoot. We'll have to come up with a name for it. This is in spice, in combine, yes, it'll be perfect, and this is what we'll get.

SPEAKER_02 2:24:03

So I'm so into this.

SPEAKER_04 2:24:07

I'm just validation I needed. We're playing well, and I would love to have both of you together, separate, whatever works for you on my podcast. Um, thank you. I don't know. Sometimes I have themes for like we did um the last group of guests. It was what like achievements you have uh worked for, but I didn't necessarily, I mean, it sounds so horrible. I didn't care if you achieved your goal because what I cared about was the path you went on, the good, the bad. Um, and I had wonderful people from authors to musicians to a guy that wrote a musical about hospice, because why the heck not? And that was a fun one to listen to. Um, but people who, you know, financial security and everything. So usually I try to have a theme, but sometimes I'm like, you know what? No, just come on and give me advice, you know, and we can just talk about that because you know, my advice is coming from a 47-year-old now woman. Maybe advice from somebody else will, you know, kind of spark something in somebody. So you guys can come together, you can come separate, you can come separate and then come together. We can do whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_06 2:25:22

I mean, I'm I am I'm in whenever you want to. Whenever we're in the same.

SPEAKER_04 2:25:27

Oh, I would love that. We would be it would be fun, and you know, we can record for however long and split it, and you know, we always make it work. It's okay.

SPEAKER_06 2:25:36

Yeah, it'll all be okay. It's gonna be the right answer. Whatever answer it is, is the right answer.

SPEAKER_04 2:25:41

It is, it is, and then we're happy, you know. I just like to smile, and I think we would have a really good time. So I hope that we can schedule something very soon and have you both on or separate, however, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:25:53

Tell everyone where to find your show if you'd like to, you know, plug it. And and we'll make sure to get all of your excuse me, all of your information in the show notes also.

SPEAKER_04 2:26:05

Oh, I appreciate that. Thank you. Um, well, it's uh petals of support, and it is usually a bi-weekly podcast, but from March until June, it becomes just once a week because that is the Tanisier tennis, but I call it Tanisier season for my youngest. So my life becomes a little bit busy, so I want to make sure that what I put out is good, so it's not me in my car, you know, talking and screaming. So you get one episode a week from March until June, and then I go back to biweekly. So Tuesdays and Thursdays, but in the spring it'll be just Tuesdays. You can email me at pedals.s at Aol.com. You can find me on X and Threads, TikTok and Instagram at Pedals of Support. I am always looking for topics, I'm always looking for questions. Just keep in mind that I am not a licensed anything, I'm just a mom. So whatever you ask, I'll do my best. But, you know, in the case of some things, therapy third person is the best way to go. But if you have topics or I've covered everything, doesn't matter. We'll we'll figure it out and it'll work out. But I hope that people have time. Give me a listen. My episodes are about 20 minutes, so it's perfect on your way to work time.

SPEAKER_05 2:27:23

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:25

Thank you so much. I'll give you my linked link to tree, link tree, whatever the hell that one's called. Um I'm on everything.

SPEAKER_01 2:27:32

All of them, everything, one of them, everything, whatever you want. And we'll put everything in there.

SPEAKER_04 2:27:38

I appreciate it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 2:27:39

Yeah, absolutely. And uh thank you everyone for listening and spending time with us and joining the conversation. And until next time, I'm Lisa.

SPEAKER_06 2:27:49

And I'm Agnes.

SPEAKER_01 2:27:50

And we're out of here. Thank you, Mama D. See you.

SPEAKER_06 2:27:53

Thank you.