SPOTLIGHT on Salisha Thomas

SPEAKER_03 0:09

Hi, and welcome to today's episode of Sassin Sips Spotlight. Today we are going to have a conversation with Broadway Star, Disneyland alum, and podcast host Salisha Thomas, aka Selisha Thomas Weiss, aka Salisha Weissha Weiss.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Hi you guys, thank you so much for having me. And yes, I'm like, what is my name? I you know, today's March 3rd that we're the day that we're recording this. I don't know when this will air, but three years ago, today I met my husband. It was like on Zoom for Podfest, and I had never even heard of Podfest. And we shared a Zoom screen for like two minutes along with a bunch of other people. And I'm like, three years later, I'm married to this man. I'm like talking to the Podfest community. Like, it's so crazy to me. I'm happy to be here with both of you guys. It was so cool to party with you in Florida. We had a great time. Yeah, it was great.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

I have to say, the first night I saw you were at the book signing, release, launch party thing. And I'm like, she needs to be my friend. I don't know how she feels about this, but she's not, she's my new friend. I don't know her name, but I love her. And luckily enough, we were able to connect several times during that pod fest. And then we kind of kidnapped you to do this, and we'll release you afterwards.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Um we may or may not have sweetened the deal by leaving a bottle of wine behind.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

You guys, that was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much. I went up to the front desk and was like, is there a bottle of wine here for me? He was like, Yes, can I see your ID? I was like, don't play with me right now. I don't have my ID on me. Give me my wine. And he was like, Okay. Oh my gosh. So silly. But thank you so much. That was like so sweet of you. And you did it in the middle of like the biggest party. So much noise. We were all drinking. Like it was just like a crazy night, and just I really appreciate you guys thinking of me.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Well, we just knew that we couldn't bring it on a plane, and we were leaving early the next morning. And like I told Agnes that the housekeeping lady was rude to me. So she wasn't gonna get it. I wasn't gonna leave it for her.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Oh my gosh. You know, I did try to take a toured like 10 years. Oh my god, not 10 years ago, dear lord, like seven or eight years ago. And before I realized like the rules of like touring and going city to city, I was like, I'm not getting rid of these bottles of wine, and I would try to pack them in my suitcase. And I'm like, I would get up to the gate, not the gate, but like the to leave my luggage, and my luggage would was 86 pounds. Like a fool!

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Like that is so you just dump the clothes and keep that keep the wine.

SPEAKER_00 3:24

They were like, ma'am, this is too big. And I wasn't in the mindset of just pay the freaking hundred dollars so I don't have to like unload my life in front of everybody. And so I was like, who wants a bottle of wine? I've got a red, I've got a white. Who needs pants of tuna? Like, it was so stupid. I'm like, I never want that. It's I get it. That's all. I get it.

SPEAKER_03 3:45

Speaking of wine, what are you drinking today? What are you sipping on?

SPEAKER_00 3:51

I have a little rose, a little New Zealand rose.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Very nice. I have my glass of bread, my Shiraz, my typical basic bitch drink that I always end up drinking.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

I have it's a new drink that my brother got me drinking, and it's crown royal vanilla with cream soda. And I just put enough that like, oh, soda, soda, soda, soda. And then when I go to get up, I'm like, oh wait, there's a crown. Not soda. Right, not soda. Like, face meat floor. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Oh my gosh, Agnes, that's so funny. He said, eh, there's the crown.

SPEAKER_03 4:38

Have you been to Podfest every year for the last three years? I think I missed one year. I went in 2020. That was my first one. And it was like literally the day that my husband and I flew home back to New York was the day that like New York declared state of emergency because of COVID. And we were like, um, we need to get home. So I didn't go back until this one, and I dragged Agnes with me. And she was like, Oh, I don't want to, I don't know, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Bitch, you're coming. Like, here's your plane ticket, you're coming.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

Oh, I was like, okay, you're forcing me as I'm packing my bag and as I'm taking as I'm taking the Uber to the the airport. I'm like, if you have to, if I have to go, I guess I have to go to Florida in January from Wisconsin. Oh, the pain, the suffering. Um such a hardship. So glad I went. And she's already planning for next year. I started planning for next year before I left. What? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:48

Yeah. She was she was like, Oh, I'm so glad you forced me to do this.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

So I mean, to be fair, Lisa, I was going to do it. I might have bitched a little bit, but I was going to do it. It was like no was no was never going to be an answer. But, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

That is so cool. Like, who like, and I feel the same way. I'm like, who would have thought that this thing called Podfest would be so like, oh, here's my community.

unknown 6:16

Like, right.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Oh, here's where I fit. And you know, and even part of it also, I think that helps is like there are so many introverts there at this huge conference, and the idea, right? Like it feels like um daunting to be like um around so many people. It's like sensory overload, but when you think about it, it's like, oh all of the oh my. I'm so sorry, you guys. I'm doing a zoom, I'm recording an interview. See you, Adam. I want to tell I want to see the baby. Okay, I'm sorry, you guys. This is what I get for sitting right in the window. I love this.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

This is the best day ever. Okay.

unknown 7:06

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

But like, what I think what I was saying is like it feels like kind of scary to be around so many people, and it's just like this is what this is right now. But we're all podcasters, we're all used to like talking one-on-one. We're like a lot of us are like introverted, and it feels like there's like a comfort in that. Like, yeah, there are a lot of outsiders or people who feel like outsiders that come together, and all of a sudden, every outsider is now no longer an outsider.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

So, yes. I think everyone, if every introvert has their person where they're like, okay, I can be comfortable to talk to other people because I got my person here. So this you have what 3,000 people who found their person so they can talk to everybody because everyone's their person. They get it. Yeah, and it was a it was really a magical moment because I really expected a whole bunch of dark rooms and people talking at you and just like wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, Charlie Brown syndrome. I was just like, this is not it. But I I was a good girl. I said, okay, this is the schedule, this is what we're gonna listen to, this is where we're gonna go. I don't know about how I feel about it, but we're gonna do it. And then I'm like, oh, oh, oh.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Yeah, like making your little schedule, being like, okay, but then also like getting detoured from your schedule because you met some people, or like you want to go check out the booths. Like, it's I don't know, it's like a vibe, it's a vibe. It really is still a vibe, it really is.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

And the first time that I went, like I said, my husband went with me. Um, Agnes was unable to go that year, and he was this was like right after our podcast launch, so it was still very beginning. He was kind of helping out with a few things, so it was fun, it was fine. I had a good time, but I have to say, after going with Agnes and and having it as us, actual two people assassin sips, was so much more incredible because he was just there to support me, like from behind the scenes, which I appreciate because I don't think I could have done it alone. But to have have it be Agnes and I and the connections that we made were so much so much more like far and wide and genuine, and I like I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

It it I don't even have words, it was just I but I know what you're talking about, and you guys's marketing was so good. Like I remember being there on the last day. I'm not sure if I saw you on the last day, but I remember looking at that big large table in the middle of the like lobby, and they dumped everything, you dumped everything on there. I was like, oh, what podcast? Oh, Sassin sips. Oh, and every time your thing always drew my eye. Do you know how many times I picked up Sassin? I picked it up at least seven times, like looking for like a new one. I was like, and then so here we are. I just feel like this was inevitable. It feels very aligned, like my eye just kept going to yours, and I'm I'm that's so cool that you guys went there. But like, I know what you mean, Lisa. Like the first couple times I went, I was just there supporting my husband. Like, he does this thing called PodFest. I'll just go and support him, and then it I turn up, I turn out to be like a part of this Amoeba too. I'm like, I just wanted to be an attendee and like get my husband some food when he needs help.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Did you have your podcast already before that?

SPEAKER_00 10:56

I did. I did. I I've had I started my podcast at the end of 2020. Um, and so in 2021, like I was I was in a network. Um I'm on the Broadway Podcast Network, Black Hair in the Big Leagues and the Silicia show are on the Broadway Podcast Network. And they had me speaking with one of the founders on behalf of Broadway Podcast Network at Podfest. So that's how I like learned about it, didn't know my husband was gonna be on the call. Thank you, Jesus, amen. Um, and then after that, it's like I, you know, life came back, but I still have my podcast, and I'm like this month relaunching it, so I'm like excited about that. Like, oh, this spark that I had in 2020, like having these good, like these conversations with people, and that to me is it feels good, it feels fulfilling. And then the harder part is you can't just like let it sit on your computer, you have to share it.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

That's I think that that's one of the biggest takeaways that we both got is that while we have been doing this and we had to take a little hiatus for a little bit, and then we came back to it, and we just jumped right back in. Sort of like we never stopped, but then coming to Podfest and and and it was like having our cups refilled, and all of a sudden it was like we felt alive again, we felt excited again, we felt like we we have so much more to offer than what we have been offering, and we no longer feel like imposters. Oh right, like and we were just like we this idea, this idea, this idea. And we were like, okay, slow down, we don't have enough time in the world for all of those ideas, but but they've actually slowly asked.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

I think Spotlight, I don't think we even had a name for it yet. It was something we kind of like were loosely talking about right before the Podfest. By the time we left Podfest, we already had a name and we're like, okay, this is what we're gonna do. The first week we got home, we had like three or four interviews lined up already. Um, so it was like, oh, okay, so now I'm like, we gotta do this one and then this one. She's like, yeah, she keeps telling me to slow down. I was like, but no, but they all fit under the umbrella and we can get it done and they all connect, but they're still different and we can do it. She's like, okay, oh, okay. I need time to breathe. Breathing's overrated. It's fine. You can breathe when you're sleeping.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Yeah. So we don't do hot seat questions.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Oh hot seat. Spotlight, hot seat. We gotta think of a jingle for that.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Oh gosh. We need we need a sting. Um spotlight. Okay, I'm gonna go first. Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

She's she's our jingle girl now.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

We got all right, what did that Lisa? If you could make any place disappear, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Any place disappear? I have never thought about anything like that. I feel like it's inappropriate for me to say Florida.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Did I say that? I totally said that. When I read her my question, she literally said, and why would it be Florida? No, I didn't, I'm not gonna answer the why. I'm only what the where? Oh well, without Florida, right? We may not have Podfest, so we might have to keep it a little longer.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Right, right. I yes. We'll we'll keep Florida a little longer. Um I what what other I mean, what else did you guys say?

SPEAKER_03 14:56

Oh no, this is just for you. This is just for you. But it could it could, it doesn't have to be a state or a country. It could just be any place. Any place. Well, I was gonna say Times Square.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

I support that message.

SPEAKER_03 15:12

It's to people who grew up in New York City. That is fair.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

It's it's in my vote.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

Yes, but at the same time, I made a living in Times Square. Okay, I don't know. Okay, let me think of one more that I actually would feel like. Oh, Brooklyn. Hey!

unknown 15:33

Hey!

SPEAKER_03 15:35

Uh-oh, do we get too close to home? Hello? Like, wait, wait, what's Brooklyn? It's not the exact thing where where we grew up, but okay. No, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Let me back to the house. Wait a minute, wait a minute. We can't even afford our own ghettos now.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

So, like we can't afford the Brooklyn ghettos.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

Is that New York? That's a New York problem. Like, and here's okay, this might make you feel better about me saying Brooklyn.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

Brooklyn has kidnapped all my best friends.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Brooklyn was not the place to be when we were growing up. Okay, Brooklyn was it's completely different. What part did you have, Agnes? I I we I lived in Carroll Gardens. Yeah, and I was on the border of Carroll Gardens in Red Hook. That's how we met in in elementary school.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

I'm sorry, give me one second. I'm so sorry. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:36

Yeah, no, we grew up together. Oh, that is so cool. Yeah, so she's stuck with me for the long haul. Wait, how long have you guys known each other? Since third grade. Oh my gosh. So 36 years, she's gonna hurt me for saying that, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Oh my gosh. It's a good thing I am on my couch.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

How long have we known each other? Um let's see what lie she tells. 36 years. Okay, I was like, you were, I thought you were gonna lie and be like, oh, you know, five, ten years.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

Oh no. Um because honestly, it's funny because the the reason I got up, I saw my daughter and my grandkids. So I'm like, okay, I gotta unlock the door. I'm a granny, so I can I will say yeah, I'm old. I'm okay with that because you know you look like this. You could be a granny. It's okay. You tell the whole world.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I mean, amen to that. Oh my god. It's makeup, it's not stuck, it's not it's not, it helps to know how to do your makeup, yes, absolutely. But there's more, there's more going on there. You look good. You're a grandma, Agnes?

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Mm-hmm. Oh, hold on one second. Hi, Nugget. Are we are we gonna get a cameo? You want a cameo? We can get a cameo. Cameo her grandbabies are so cute. That you cannot drink. Oh he's like, who am I saying hi to?

SPEAKER_03 18:58

He doesn't know my face, he only knows my voice.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

That's Lisa. All right, he's like, nope. Lisa and Silicia. And Silicia. Oh sweet. Do you want me to hold Angel? It's always good to have a washer and dryer because your kids will always come home. Um if you don't have anything else, you have a full pantry and a washer and dryer, your kids will come home at least once a week.

SPEAKER_00 19:26

Oh my god, how dare you tell the truth like that?

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Are you one of those that come home once a week?

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Well, I my family's in California, but I absolutely, when I went to school, I went to school in Southern California. My family is in central California. I would take my laundry from college.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Okay, let's let's be fair. The wash or dry at your mama's house is free. You don't have to put the quarters in. That's the whole point. It's free, and it doesn't like give you technical difficulties. It's like you know what to expect because you grew up with it. You know, it's always gonna work, and then you know what? You got a free meal as you're in between loads and went.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Oh, that's a good yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

I don't a lot of stuff that I buy for groceries, I don't eat, but I know I gotta have it for them.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Oh, I love that. See, I'm a I'm on the cusp of being ready. There's a lot of qualifiers there. I'm on the cusp of almost being ready to start a family.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Um, um, you're never gonna be quite ready. You're never gonna be quite ready. Okay. As long as you are not, I don't, as long as you're not there and you're on the cusp, you're good. You're good. Because you're never gonna be ready. You can't be ready for this madness. It's no possible way. You can you can't be ready. Was it scary? And she's eating my candy, terrifying. Three, you have three she has three.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

I have three girls. I saw a 17-year-old, what, an almost 16-year-old and a 10-year-old.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

Hold up, you guys. Yeah, see, both of you are surprising me left and right right now. These are the goals. I'm like, if I can just do like y'all are goals, right? A 17-year-old? How dare you! I'm like, you look 17. She does, she totally does.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

With your t-shirt and your bun, you look like you just gotta you had a class.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Oh totally. Oh my god. Okay, so you said it is scary or it's now scary. It is everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Terrifying. And it doesn't, it doesn't go for different reasons. It doesn't go away. Yeah, as they get older, your fear changes. But um, I don't think I will ever change it for the world.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

Of course not.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

I mean, she's already here. If anyone wants to adopt a 24-year-old, I'm sure. If you're gonna trust fund, she'll go willingly. Um my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Did you both both I have a question for both of you guys? Did you have an easy pregnancy or did you have a oh my goodness pregnancy?

unknown 22:18

Lisa.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Um It was it was easy, but Weird. Everything that could happen happened. I had everything but diab gestagial diabetes. I went, I had placenta previa. She was huge. I was I went on maternity leave at 30 weeks. But she was an easy baby. Like she slept throughout the night from night one.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

So the pregnancy was a little with the actual baby.

SPEAKER_01 22:53

Easy breathing. And then she grew up. So that's a whole different bottle wax. No, but um so for me, I was gonna ask you, is it like vice versa? Is it true? Like hard pregnancy, easy baby? A little bit. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

So the first two, the pregnancies were super easy. With my first, her birth was a little, it wasn't hard, but the doctor was in a rush, which made it like not the greatest experience. So after that, I was like, okay, screw that doctor and that hospital, and I had a midwife, and that birth was like a hundred times better and and easier. However, while my first was a very, very easy baby, she is a stubborn as all hell right now. And my middle daughter cried from like the moment her face was out in the open until about six months old. But now she is the one who is the most helpful and the one who's like really succeeding to try to meet her goals. My third one, her pregnant the pregnancy with her was a little bit more difficult because I had pups, which is like crazy itchy. I I was like rubbing banana peels all over my belly, I was doing anything, anything that you know the old wives tale said that would help. Wow, so I was convinced, I didn't find out what I was having for any of them. So I was convinced that that one was gonna be a boy because it was so different than the other two. And she was actually a home birth. So I gave birth to her in my room in a tub of water, and then it was like, oh, another girl. And my middle daughter actually was able to cut her cord because they were all in the room. Oh so like the pregnancy was a little bit harder, but the birth was actually way cooler.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Um you like the home birth better.

SPEAKER_03 25:01

Are you kidding? I got out of the tub, got into my bed, and like didn't leave it for like a week. It was great. It was fantastic. Versus versus the hospital and all the wires and the monitors and all of that stuff. For me that didn't work. I was not a fan.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

But I do have to say um doctors versus midwives, totally different.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Well, it's and it depends on your comfort level, right? Because to me, birth is I I was also a doula in a past life. So to me, it's it's your comfort level. You're gonna have a better experience if you seek out the people who align with your beliefs and your comfort. So if a person wants an epidural and wants the high-tech stuff, a midwife is not for them. A home birth is not for them. Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

Okay, okay. This is so interesting, and I'm glad you're saying it because like I every and I've had a few friends who have had at-home births, every single one of them loved it. I cannot even believe how many people I know who enjoy their home births. My personality, I am so scared. I wish I could just, I know I might get some slack for this. I wish I could just make an appointment and then go to the doctor, and then they put me to sleep, and then when I wake up, it's in my arms. Like, that is really what I want. I don't want to see this, I don't want to see it, I don't want to see blood, I don't want to hear the screaming, I don't want to sleep. I just so I'm like, I'm so scared. I'm like terrified of the doctor, let alone something like Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:47

But that's normal. I'm scared, you guys. Like for for me and my outlook, when I was pregnant with my first, my OBGYN, I was like, okay, cool. She specializes in high risk. So if there's a problem, oh, she is the badass who's gonna solve it. But it didn't work out like I thought it was gonna work out because what I saw was her relying more on her machines than what I was telling her. And so here I was thinking, I'm having a contraction, and she's they're looking at the monitor, saying, No, I don't see one. Oh, there it is. I just told you. I just told you. And so that I learned that I don't like that feeling. So then when I had my next one, I sought out something different. But somebody else might not want to be that present, that uh like leading it. They might want somebody to be like, don't worry, you just relax, you just because I also didn't want an epidural, and I ended up getting one, but I got it very late. So to me, I was like, okay, well, it didn't work, I felt everything. So I took that as cool, I know I can do it without it now. But but that's me. Oh my god. That's that's what I took out of the experience and brought into the media.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

I don't want to be able to feel my fingers or my toes. Just like I that at least that's like okay, and then my other question that I would have for both of you guys is did you research? Is there any education that you're like this that this is the thing that really got me? Like, all I have heard of is what to expect when you're expecting.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

Like, I did read it. Um, it's very doctor-focused, but I also read a lot of the Dr. Sears books and the Bradley method and kind of like alternative things so that I could have a really big picture.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

What's this face, Agnes? Okay, so I'm a horrible person. Um horrible. I mean, I did read up on the bright the Bradley method. My chiropractor, I did I started chiropractor before I was pregnant, during my pregnancy, after my pregnancy, my daughter as a baby used to see a chiropractor. And I did read up on the Bradley method, but at the point I was like, I just want this fucking turkey out of me. Not a turkey! I was I was waddling about at four months. I was already waddling. And they were like, What 12 months? They're like, You're eating too much. I said, I am not eating too much. I swear to God, because I'm vain. I'm a I was I was a very tiny woman when I got pregnant. I said, I am vain as fuck. I'm not eating a lot because I need to maintain this body. So it's not me eating. Long story short, I and she was about 12 pounds. Oh, and they said, come in tomorrow for your C-section. I said, Bet, I'll see you tomorrow. I had her at NYU because I my doctor was a female practice, and it was a mix of midwives, doctors, high-risk doctors, and you saw everyone the practice, and I love the practice. And then they're like, um, yeah, she's about 12 pounds coming tomorrow. I'm like, okay, I'm looking at my hair. Tomorrow before she gets bobbler. Like that comes 13 pounds before it's right. I got my hair done, I got my nails done. Because I don't I didn't have to push. So I'm like, show me the four days, no pushing. I'm getting this done. Um, but yeah, I didn't do any prep. I was like, it is whatever's gonna happen is going to happen. I just knew that I know what I don't want, and I don't want it come up as like everywhere in my me and my medical history, I am very vocal on what I'm comfortable and not comfortable with. So I went in there, like, right, I'll take it as it goes.

SPEAKER_03 31:06

And that's also one of the benefits of having a doula, which I did have, um, which is also one of the reasons I wanted to become one, is because the way I felt like I wasn't listened to, and there was nobody to speak up for me because people weren't listening to me. Literally, when I was giving birth to my first daughter, the hospital was undergoing, it was being bought out. It was um St. Vincent's in Staten Island, and it was being bought out by Richmond University. There was a woman who came into the room as I was having contractions who wanted to ask me questions for a survey. Fine. A survey during yes, so fine, I'll answer your questions. I got a contraction in the middle. I closed my eyes. I remember I'm unmedicated at this point. I was getting through my contraction. After it passed, I continued to answer her question, and then I hear my husband laughing, and I'm like, what was so funny? Because I had my eyes closed. So I'm like, Well, what's so funny about my answer? He was like, Well, what's funny is that you're talking to no one because when you stop talking, she got annoyed and walked out of the room.

SPEAKER_01 32:16

And I was like, Oh, so sorry that like, yeah, because she's talking to a woman going through labor and she didn't feel like waiting. Okay, so I would have had a couple of choice words for her. I would have I would have gone, but I would have found her.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

I would have like, excuse me. Oh my, that is literally beyond. I can't even survey right now, right now, oh, the last one would have been like it gave me a distraction, but I was just like, you know, I really want to be there for other women who they don't have to have the same birth.

SPEAKER_03 32:53

They having a doula doesn't mean that you want to have an unmedicated birth or a home birth or whatever. It just means that you want somebody there to help you advocate for yourself, to educate you on the things that you might want or might not want, and and just be by your side, just that feeling of support that a lot of women who are having babies don't have.

SPEAKER_00 33:19

Okay, I have another. I'm so sorry, I have so many questions. Bring me. This is all for you.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

This is about you. I mean, your questions.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

Okay, so my other question is like insurance and checkups. Like, how does all of that work? Like, you do you need to make sure that you have insurance for the full nine months that you're pregnant so that you can have a baby, or are they not gonna let it come out if you don't? Like, how does that work? Um, is it different if you have a doula?

SPEAKER_03 33:48

Like, well, doula's are typically not covered under insurance. Um, so that's like a whole separate studies have proven all the benefits of having a doula, but in most insurance companies still are like, no. But as far as just being pregnant and having a baby, I think that might also depend on the insurance. I had insurance when I was pregnant, so I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:16

And I had group insurance, and group insurance from this company was amazing. Yeah, four days NYU, cesarean, I had no copay. It was amazing.

SPEAKER_03 34:26

Um, so I actually Yeah, I just had like my $100 copay, and all the and all the for me, well, at that time I had Aetna, and it was like you just pay the copays or whatever for the first visit, and I think they were then all of the rest of the doctor's visits were covered. Yeah, I don't remember if they were paying the copay, and then the hospital was like a $100 copay, and then that was it.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Yeah, oh but oh, I didn't have to pay the copay because I was there for four days. If you're in the hospital for x like over a day or two, there's no copay.

SPEAKER_03 35:03

So yeah, so well with my first, I was there for two days. With my second, she was born on like a Friday night, it was like the middle of the night, so it's basically like Saturday morning. And the next day was Easter. So I was like, I want to go home for Easter, and they're like, but you're barely here for 24 hours. And I was like, I know, but I want to go home. And my midwife was like, Has she pooped? And I was like, Yes, and she's like, Okay, you're good to go. Have a good Easter.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

She was like, And then now they're kicking you out after 24 hours. To be fair though, you heal better at home, like mentally, emotionally, physically, you're just better at home. Okay, healing at home is so much better, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

And and then with the home birth, all my appointments, except with the exception of sonogram, were in my home. So she would come, she would bring like the little uh portable Doppler, and my other girls would help, you know, they would put it on me and they would get to listen, and you know, so so they were excited because they got to be part of the appointment. So it was it was so sweet, you know.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Okay, okay, okay. This is like answering so many questions. I'm like, I'm like, do I because I travel a lot. My husband and I, we travel a lot. I'm like, do I need to be just in the place where I'm gonna have the baby? Do I just need to like be there? Like if I'm gonna give birth in California, do I need to just be in California so I can go to checkups? Can I like well?

SPEAKER_01 36:36

The first I mean your checkups are once a month until the last month, right? The last month is like then they're like every week or so. Every week or so. So I mean no, you don't necessarily have to do that unless you feel comfortable doing that. You can.

SPEAKER_03 36:53

And if you want to give birth in a hospital, I mean, with the exception of some states, you know, but most hospitals are not gonna turn you, I mean, you know, they're not gonna turn you away. They're they're just gonna give you the best care. It's just your primary care doctor, like you know, your obstetrician, gynecologist, midwife, whoever, you know, whoever you choose may not be there. But but I assure you, when that baby is ready to come out, there's no stopping it. It's coming. There's no stopping it. That's the my favorite thing was when they're like, don't push, don't push. It doesn't matter. She's crawling out, like like there's no stopping.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

That's how Axel was. My grandson, he just slid on out. The nurse turned around to call the doctor and she ended up doing like one of these numbers, like a baseball catcher. It was amazing. What axel was not playing. He's like, I got places to go, people to see things to do. Oh, which I'm kind of glad because the actual doctor, I wanted to like bang her head against the against the wall. Like my daughters, yeah. Wow. So always have someone there that's gonna advocate for you. Okay, okay. Who knows what you want and will speak calmly to advocate for you. Because if you're in the midst of a contraction, and honestly, you're gonna be me. I was not, I was not a nice person. I was in pain, I was carrying. They were walking, like, oh, you're the 12-pounder. I have a name. Um my mother's like, oh gosh. Um someone who's going to be, you know, eloquent enough to speak your your wants and desires without, you know, putting them through the wall. You know, maybe it's a little bit. Um I think you think too much about it. Don't think you can't, you can't think about it. You can't plan it. You can have like plans in place for like, if this happens, I know I have a plan B. If this happens, I have but other than that, girl, let it ride.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Just let it ride. It just like okay. And so if I do all my checkups in New York and then end up in California, they'll I can still have the baby out in California. I don't need to have the same doctor.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

No, it's not dropping the baby. The baby's gonna come when the baby comes. Side of the road, it's gonna come. But you will be taken care of, right? Okay, they will take care of you. What hospitals not to go to, you know.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

Yeah, oh yeah. Oh, I already know, I already know who I want to like give birth. Help me pull it out. Are you bicoastal?

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Oh, you just travel a lot.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Well, I mean, I've always just said I travel a lot, but at the end of the day, I'm like, I spend a fourth of the year on the West Coast, and I go back and forth throughout the year. I'm like, if I'm not in a show, I'm pretty bicoastal.

SPEAKER_01 39:45

Wherever so you can actually, I don't know if this is doable. I don't know if it's something you is actually you can have your pro your two doctors on each coast.

SPEAKER_03 39:55

Can't they just like woo-hoo? Could like Yeah, that might be something. I I don't know how that works. Oh my god, I mean that is awesome.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

You can talk to your primary in New York, it's like, hey, I'm always in I the chances this baby's gonna be born in California is relatively high.

SPEAKER_03 40:10

And also just something to keep in mind that um there's it I think it differs for some women just based on your risk factors, but there will be a point in your pregnancy where they're like you cannot fly anymore. You need to stay.

SPEAKER_01 40:24

Actually, for the most part, you will be kind of be stationary towards like so right, towards the end there, towards the end, yeah. Even if it's not a high risk, like uh you don't want that kid coming out of the day.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

No, what I mean is that yes, even in low risk pregnancies, there's a point, but in a high risk pregnancy, I just mean that that point may come sooner. Sooner, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

Oh my gosh, you guys. First of all, I have never had this long of a conversation about pregnancy and like births ever. And you know, it actually is really helpful because I've been like stressing about logistics. Like when I think being ready, I'm just like, can I like can I financial like can I financially like have this baby? Does it cost $17,000? Is it $500? Is it free? I have no idea. When I first went to college, I got like all these emails, and then I got an email and this big red bold letters saying they were gonna kick me out if I didn't pay for school. But I was a product of public school, I'd never paid for school, and so I got to college and didn't realize I have a yeah. You gotta pay for college. My mom was like, you dummy, yes, you have to pay for college. And so I'm like, is it like that? I have no idea what that landscape looks like for having a baby. Like, it feels like it should be a right, but I have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 41:49

Uh people manage it.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

So if you think about how much it's gonna cost you financially, emotionally, mentally, you'll never have kids. That being said, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot. Um, but if you re is, I mean, there comes a point where you're like, I don't care. This is what I got. I got, I got, I got little me. I got I got my future. You don't care what's gonna cost you. And there's good times, there's bad times, there's times you're gonna cry, there's times you're gonna laugh, there's times you're like, this is I someone take this kid. I need five minutes, and there'd be times on. Mommy needs a timeout. Always be times like, give me my kid, I don't want anyone touching her, she's all mine, and it's all normal. Just you just got to go with the flow.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Okay, thank you. Thank you. I I think like being here in New York City, it I've always been so career-focused, career-driven. I've never like had to think about this too much. I've always, my whole plan has always been I'm gonna wait until 40 to have my first kid because a lot of the people around me, you know, working on Broadway, we're just trying to like get our careers up and popping, and we're not worried about all that other stuff. But then I got married, and he is like, so when are we gonna start a family?

SPEAKER_01 43:11

I'm like, wait, what? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. He's like, wait, this is part of the conversation? Wait, wait, wait, where was I?

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? Like, it's always been about my career, and I think in 2020, when New York and the world shut down, the game was changed. I couldn't make a living doing what I did. Like, Broadway did not exist. And so I had to think differently for the first time ever. I've never had a plan B. I've never thought what I'm gonna do if I don't do I just never even thought those things. Um, and so it really helped me to like I don't know what what is the like and uh explaining explaining um how I look at the world, how I look at like my worth, my identity. Like I've learned my lesson now. Don't tie your identity up into what you do or one thing, even because if anything happens to that one thing, who are you now? So um that like has been such a big learning experience, and now it's like okay, I'm able to bring in other forms of income, whereas before it was like, it is this one thing, I and I've never Looked outside of that, and so it is a different conversation now. There is somebody more than just myself who I'm caring about now, and so it's like taking what they want into consideration, too, is like such a shift.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

It's like a mind blown. You're like, wait, when did this happen? Like, I was here for this, but I don't remember being here for this. Like, what the like you're outside your body because you stop and you're like, what happened the last year? And then and you're just like, okay, let's get back into my body and just keep on trucking. Yeah, it's amazing though, isn't it? You look back, yes, everything you've done, and you're like, Wow, I'm kind of do you ever look? Because I'm I was looking at your CV and I was like, she's so fucking cool. Do you ever have moments where you're like, I'm fucking cool? Like, do you have those moments for you? Like, yes, I did that.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

You know, Agnes, it's like such an interesting question because, like, I've just recently started to check in and like kind of take in like what I have done because it's so easy to be so hard on myself. Like, I gotta do this, I still gotta do this, I gotta do this. You know, back in the day, it's like if I ever got to go home for the holidays, it was because I was unemployed and I would be really insecure about that, even though I wanted to be home. It was like, oh, so what show are you in next? What and I'm like, I don't know, I don't know. And now, like after taking a look at wait, wait, I've actually accomplished a few of my big goals. Going home means I'm not in a Broadway show, but I there's a more empowered tone behind it. How like I like the people around me, I like to keep support of people around me, I like to support the people who I am around. Like they hype me up, and it's hard for me to hear it. But I think, like, instead of playing the comparison game and looking at the people who I'm like, oh man, it's so cool. I wish I could do that. Oh my goodness, she gets everything. How like instead of playing that game and actually being like, wait a minute, that was a bucketless item. I did that, I did that, I did that. Like, it is, I think it's a healthy thing to do. Um I I'm not one to be big on egos. I don't like that. I don't like working with people with big egos, I don't like to have one myself, but I do think that there is something to be said about having that balance of thinking that you are the shit. Because it I don't know. I mean, like when I feel secure in the things that I've done, and this is how I like to live, it is so easy for me to hype up everybody around me.

SPEAKER_03 47:14

And I think sometimes we need that because I think as a society, most of us do not celebrate our own wins and our own achievements because then it's kind of you know, oh look, look at so-and-so, like you know, and we we need the permission from other people to celebrate and to be proud of ourselves, and and I think that we need to give ourselves and each other that grace a little bit more and and not feel bad about celebrating our own wins because we yeah, we celebrate everybody else's, right?

SPEAKER_00 47:53

We look at everybody else thinking everybody else around me is doing everything in the world except for me. No, that is not true. Just like we look at other people, it's so easy to get on Instagram and see everyone's highlight reel and feel left out. It is so easy to do that. People are also doing that looking at you, like, oh my goodness, look at they they said they were gonna do this thing and then they did it, and uh like whatever that is for you, the how you look at others, there is somebody, at least somebody, looking at you the same kind of way. And again, I like to warn against the big ego, but like it, I think it is a good thing to look at yourself how other people might look at you.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

And I think it's actually it gets it's a little bit of mental health. Yeah, it's self-care when you're when you're like self-reflection. We always take about meditate, relax, relate, release, all that self-reflection of what you can do better is always important, but reflecting what you've done well, you that's part of it. It's all about the balance of working on your goals and celebrating yourself at the same time, right?

SPEAKER_03 49:01

Especially when we we'll turn around and and chastise ourselves for whatever mistake we made.

SPEAKER_01 49:06

It's easier to do that. I do that all the time.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

You know what somebody said to me the other day, they were like, it's not a race. Where are you racing to? There's no end goal, like there's no end finish line. Like, whoever gets there first wins life. No, there is no a race. What are you racing to? Where are you going? Like, we are we're on this earth, we do a thing, we get old, we move to the next phase of consciousness. Like, there is no you did it! You have to set what that is for you, what makes you happy, what makes you and back in the day, like before we had cell phones and stuff, it was never about like it was always about just living your own life. And now it's so much easier to watch other people live their lives. And it don't it doesn't feel good. I don't think it feels good to watch other people live their lives and then not get anything done at the end of the day. It's like Yeah, it's like well, what did I do for me? What was my win today? Like, and for me, like the first time I ever asked myself, like, how am I measuring a successful day was actually during the pandemic when I'm like, all the markers are gone. I I'm not going to work at all. So how do I like mark a day as a success? And for me, it was how many seeds did I plant? How many people did I reach out to? How many conversations did I have? Like, how many um conversations did I record for my new podcast? Like it was a different marker, whereas before it was like, okay, I'm gonna go and perform on Broadway tonight, which that is great, that is wonderful, but I had this epiphany, I had this epiphany this week, and I'm not gonna say which show I was in. Oh, that I which show I saw, I mean, but I saw a show um a few nights ago, and I saw somebody on the stage who I worked with um in a broad in a different Broadway show, and I thought, oh my goodness, he left the show that I was seeing, he left that show for a few months to go do the show that I was in, and then he went right back to that show. He has been in the show that he is in for like eight years. A blessing. Yes, that is a blessing to be employed, that is a blessing to be in a in a Broadway show, but for the first time, you guys, I looked at it differently. I'm like, wait a minute. Six days a week doing this same show for eight years? Is he able to go?

SPEAKER_01 51:44

That's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

That's a lot it's just always been my dream.

SPEAKER_02 51:47

Oh, not enough.

SPEAKER_00 51:48

No, it's it depends how you look at it. It's always been my dream to be on. I know my husband's about to walk. I'm trying to blur this background. Oh, did I do it in time? I think I did.

SPEAKER_01 51:58

Yeah, you did.

SPEAKER_00 51:59

We didn't say anything. Okay, we're good. I blurred it. I blurred it in time. I just gave him a haircut too. He looks good. Anyway. Um, but like it's always been like, oh my goodness, that's the dream to get in a show and just be employed forever. But here's the other side of that. What about living your life? When I'm in a show, I can't I'm missing people's weddings, I'm missing people's anniversaries, I can't go to Europe for three weeks. I get four personal days and a week of vacation. That is it. And I've never really looked at what life could be if my career wasn't, oh, I have to be here in person, healthy, live and in color every single day.

SPEAKER_03 52:44

I don't think I think most people don't think about that aspect. I until you said it, here I am thinking, wow, how cool, how fucking amazing to be on Broadway. And it is, it is right, but never giving a second thought for the sacrifice to the sacrifice that goes into it and is behind all that work. Oh. You can't do anything else. This is now your life.

SPEAKER_00 53:14

Yeah. How many Christmases did I miss? Like, and at the time it was just like my my my sweet daddy's always like, you're a working girl. You go out there, you get him. He's always supported my career. But now having a different focus point, I look at things differently, y'all. I really do. I'm like, wait a minute. It is not just about me being in this one show until I die. I I want to have a full life. Yes, let's rack up some credits, let's like do some big things, but also let me give myself permission to find the love of my life and marry him and give him babies and raise those babies, and also be a badass boss mom and and and and and and instead of making my life be someone else's passive income, how can I form my life to be my dream where people are helping me make my dream a reality?

SPEAKER_03 54:24

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 54:25

Yeah, yeah, it's just a different and there's no right or wrong because me working in a Broadway show, that was my dream while also being passive income for somebody else. Right, right. So I don't think that's bad or wrong.

SPEAKER_01 54:44

It's just I think the key is knowing when something doesn't work for you anymore, and being able to make the change and being okay and knowing like it's okay, you can make that change. It's okay that this is not this isn't work for you anymore. That's okay. You can make that change. You can you could make you could make another change that fork in the road to do something else. That's okay. There's no wrong answer. The wrong answer is staying where you're not happy.

SPEAKER_03 55:16

Where you think you should be doing exactly and sometimes one thing like your dream to be on Broadway I think it's so fucking cool that you can say like you know, sorry, like you can check that box I did it and you did it, but at the same time that has given you a platform to then have uh this epiphany of okay and I see this and I checked that box and I conquered it, but then there's more and in your case you have a podcast that is Broadway adjacent and you see the downside, so you don't live with that regret almost as maybe somebody who had that same dream and then didn't, and then we'll always think, Oh, I've never gotten to do that.

SPEAKER_00 56:20

Yeah, instead of at least giving yourself the opportunity to even go for it, that that part, right?

SPEAKER_03 56:26

Right, yeah. So I think that it's important to recognize that sometimes where our dreams start is not where they where they necessarily start.

SPEAKER_01 56:36

Not the end of the dreams, it's just the first part of the dream. You have you have you're kind of cool, Lisa. I'm actually a cool co-host.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

Both of you are cool. I love the both of you guys. You guys are like really down-to-earth and awesome, and like this is like That's because we grew up in Brooklyn in the 1000s in the 80s. Listen, everyone is drinking the Brooklyn Kool-Aid, and I live in what my Brooklyn friends call yonkers. I am all the way, like, all the way at the almost the end of the age rain up north.

SPEAKER_03 57:09

Oh, you wait, you're in Yonkers? My dad lives in Yonkers.

SPEAKER_00 57:12

I'm in I'm in Washington Heights, but they call it Yonkers.

SPEAKER_03 57:19

I believe it's that's where my dad lives.

SPEAKER_01 57:21

They all live. Brooklyn was always cool. Brooklyn was I mean, it wasn't always expensive, but Brooklyn was always the vibe. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_03 57:29

Yeah, it was for people who lived in Brooklyn, not Manhattan. You know, in Manhattan, it was like lesser.

SPEAKER_00 57:36

It was I mean people who live in Brooklyn love Brooklyn. This is what I we do.

SPEAKER_01 57:42

We do we do. But the thing about Brooklynites, we will still love Brooklyn, but we'll hang out in the city. Yeah, they want to be because they don't they finally found out what's so cool about Brooklyn. I remember going to the clubs. And Bay Ridge and Bensonhurst at 13. Don't ask. Don't ask, don't tell. Um you know, and then hang out in the village at 13, 14. Um, but that being said, New York, it was it was a different time back then. Wow, it was totally different, you know. Well, first of all, if you were if you were a female, they didn't ID you. That's one.

SPEAKER_03 58:23

And two, maybe you. I couldn't have gotten away with that.

SPEAKER_01 58:26

You still can't get away with it, to be honest, Lisa.

SPEAKER_03 58:29

So I got ID'd a couple of years ago. And when the lady checked my ID, she was like, Really? And I was like, Yeah. I was like, who who else would want to be like a 40-year-old person? Like if I had a fake ID? She was like, You look really fucking good for your age.

SPEAKER_01 58:45

I was like, Oh my god, that is awesome. I actually got, I know they have to ask for my ID. It has nothing to do with where I look, they just have to ask. If the computer says ask, they ask. But I still take it as a sense of ha, they need my ID. But you know, I like to lie to myself. I'm like, okay, they're not asking because I look young, but I'll go with you do look young. I don't look, I don't look under 21 though.

SPEAKER_00 59:13

But um, you know, you look grown. You look like a you look grown. I don't know, 21, but you look good. Like you look good though. I love you. You're gonna keep her gonna keep her around.

SPEAKER_01 59:24

Okay, but uh she doesn't come come see us like once a month or something.

SPEAKER_03 59:28

It's like yeah, we'll just we'll just have to kidnap her at some point. Like next time I kidnap Agnes to come back. We'll just go to Washington Heights. We'll have to go find Salisha and kidnap her too.

SPEAKER_00 59:40

Agnes, are you in Wisconsin right now?

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Unfortunately, yes.

SPEAKER_00 59:43

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 59:44

Wait, how did you end up there from Brooklyn? I actually came here to retire. My health made me retire. And I and I came to and I came here to retire. And yeah, I retired. In Wisconsin. I uh it my my aunt lived here, and I was just like, uh, and it was a lot easier to get in disability here than it was in New York.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:11

That's everything is easier anywhere else outside.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:14

Outside of New York. Yes, New York is just so hard. I love New York, it's always been my heart, but it's so hard.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

They make it hard. Everything everything is hard. Even our like officiant, he was like, I'm ready, I'm I'm ready to marry you guys. We got married on a rooftop in New York City, and then afterwards we were like, Oh, something is saying that like we need our marriage license, and they're saying this, isn't it? And they were like, Oh, your officiant um isn't registered. We're like, Yes, he is. They're like, Oh, there's an extra form to fill out for New York City.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:49

I'm like, yeah, New York City is extra. Extra. New York City has different laws than the rest of the state of New York. New York City is.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:00

I don't know because technically I eloped in Vegas. Oh so we got married in Vegas, and then we had our wedding, and we had a like the next year we had a church ceremony and a reception, whatever in New York City, in Brooklyn. I got some church, like that. I, you know, had done all my stuff and my parents had gotten married, and but technically we were already married, so I didn't we didn't have to fill out any paperwork except in Vegas.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

Nice, and Vegas makes it easy.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:31

Vegas was so easy.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:33

They're like, Do you do you get married? There you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

There you go. Vegas makes everything easy. They're like, oh, here's an ATM. You want to take out $20? You want to take out $20,000? What? Like the children got married.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:50

It even had a drive-thru. Like we we literally could have done a drive-thru wedding, but we didn't rent a car, so you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:57

Lisa, are you looking for what? What are you looking for a person?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:03

Oh, I'm looking for a person. Oh, she's looking for a person. Oh, I have a person.

unknown 1:02:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:08

She has a person. Although we don't know how long he's gonna be alive, but you know how husband's on pains in the butts. Sometimes you gotta maim them a little bit, tie them up, put them in the basement.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

I don't know the backstory here, so I'm afraid to laugh.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:25

But that's a backstory for not on record.

unknown 1:02:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:31

When we kidnap you, we'll fill you in. Okay, I'm here for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:34

20 years later, at the 20 years into your marriage, then you're getting.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:38

Oh yeah, no, we've we've been together since we're like 18. Oh, wow. Yeah, we've been married for 17 or 18 years.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:50

Yeah, it's it's it's been a a long time.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:53

Which is the way you said that, Lisa. It's like it's been a long time.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:58

Well, congratulations. I mean, I feel like that's the goal. And me and my husband were still like um We still like each other. We still yes, we still like but we just started this thing. Like, I don't know if you've ever heard of Love is Blind. Yes. Well, I yeah, we have a lot of single friends, and so we're as compatible as possible, like within the same ages and everything. We got five of our um girlfriends, five of our guy friends, and we put them on a Zoom. Everyone's cameras off, we renamed everybody, and then we moderated a little like matchmaking sesh and asked them all questions, let them introduce themselves, and then they could ask each other questions. And then at the end of the night, if they if they like somebody, they text us personally. And if that same person liked them back, then we put the two of them in a group chat and let's go. That's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:50

Yeah, that is kind of amazing. I've heard of that, yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:54

And so, I mean, like, we just started it, we love it, our friends have loved it. So I'm like, Agnes, I'll be on the lookout if you are looking.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:02

I am looking, I am looking. Okay, I'm gonna put it this way. I was actively out there looking, but the pool was a cesspool, so I kind of came back in. I was like, uh, but I'm open. Okay because because Lisa and my other home, my other comadre, did not hook me up with a prince. There's there was no blank. No one making mark with me, but I was a single one. So I was like, there was no blank dates for prince, and I I don't know how I feel about that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:36

As as as the running joke in my family is, I didn't marry my husband for his sparkling personality.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:46

That could mean so much.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:48

It means exactly what you think it means.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:53

My brain is thinking different things. So I'm like you can't corrupt, she's still in a honeyboo phase.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:01

Literally, brain in the gutter, and then you will find the right answer.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:10

Oh my god, you guys. Um when I first met her husband, I got to know the story, it's kind of funny. Lisa and I have reconnected after you know, life happens, we lost contact for a few years. And she's like, I'll show you pictures of my kids and she gives me her phone. And I'm like, Are you sure? And she's like, Yeah, she's a swipe, she's like, but careful swiping. And as she said that, oh yeah, I was like, Oh, I see now.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:41

And then oh my god. And and yeah, and he's actually proud of that. He's like, Oh, he was like right there when it happened too.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:51

Like Lisa was in front of me, he's next to me. Oh my god. So to this day, he's like, Yeah, yeah, that was me. Oh my gosh, dude, that's really awesome. That was like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:08

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:10

You have you have something to be you have somewhere to beat, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:13

Before, but we before we end, can you talk about your podcast really quick? Because I really want to hear your like how it came. I I mean, I kind of know, but like Want to hear it, you know. I went.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

Yeah, and I I touched on it a little bit. It's called Black Hair in the Big Lakes. It's on the Broadway Podcast Network. And it was born out of the pandemic when the Broadway industry had shut down, lights were dark on Broadway. I was living here in my studio apartment by myself during the pandemic, going crazy, feeling disconnected. I love, I've always loved living alone because I'm always around people. I'm always um like giving, giving, and giving. And I like that. I enjoy that, but at the end of the night, I'm drained. And so I like to come home to be by myself. But in the pandemic, I was it was just me 24, sorry, 24, oh, 24 um hours a day. That's too much. That's too much alone time for me. And you guys, it it was so lonely. And I needed something, I needed some sense of community. My family was 3,000 miles away. I I felt like I couldn't like leave my door. I would go on a two-hour walk a day, but that was it. And so I had just built my sound studio, which you don't see here because I just wanted to be by the window. It's in my closet. But I built a sound studio because this guy was like, You've got a great voice. I want to sign you for voiceover. Then he didn't sign me. And so I just had this expensive sound system set up. I'm like, well, what am I gonna do with it? And I was like, Well, I've been on Broadway for how many years? I know so many people, black women. What can I talk about forever? Hair. I can talk about hair for hours on end. And so I started texting my friends, being like, hey, will you can I interview you for 30 minutes to an hour? And we it's we just talk about hair. And do you know what? We did, and it was scary at first because I'm like recording our conversations like to be on the record, like, what is this? But I'm like, I can always edit it out, and you know, having a coffee date, a one-on-one coffee date scheduled every day for a few months was so helpful for my for my mental health and for my heart. And so, and also it was right around the whole George Floyd thing, which I was not trying to be like activist of activists, but talking about hair easily taught it, like opened up this whole other conversation, and we weren't right beating anybody over the head with it. We weren't trying to prove anything, it was just me and a friend, and both of us are just in our closets having this conversation, and um it felt fulfilling, it felt meaningful, and it felt like it was just me and her, whoever she was at at that time. And it wasn't until later where like people were listening. I'm like having the courage to share it. It was hard, but I'm like, oh, it's just people who the people who are listening are people just like me who want to know what to do with their hair because I didn't like my own hair, I didn't like my curls, I didn't like, oh, you can barely see it because my background is blurred, but um, I didn't like my my my natural hair. I was embarrassed of it. I was trying to figure out what to do with it, and so I got to like ask people who I'm like, I love your hair, tell me your secrets. And because it's for a podcast, they're like, here's all my secrets. I'm like, oh my goodness, this is great. People telling me where they get the best weaves and the best like bundles. I'm like, oh, this is great, and like also like their techniques and things, so that is where it was born from, and um it helped me get through a really hard time.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:19

But I think I like I really I am fascinated by like how podcasts come about, right? Especially when it's not because oh, you already have a business and then you're just branching off in order to kind of promote that. But when it comes from an organic place, to me, the story behind it is fascinating. So I really appreciate you you know sharing that with us.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:47

But I think also to touch back on the whole just aspect of hair, when it comes to black hair while one person might look at it and be like, oh, that's so frivolous, they're talking about hair, but there's history tied into our identity, it's it's a gateway drug into so many things, like it's just it is never just about vanity. There it goes way deeper than that.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:17

So I I mean, you know, I'm I'm I'm white, right? Like I'm white. I'm Puerto Rican and Italian. My dad is dark. You would never know that by looking at me. No, my husband is dark, my eldest daughter has hair very similar to yours. When she was young, um, I mean, I I don't have you know, so personally, I mean aside from having my hair is curly, it's just straightened now, but um when she was young, I would just I would either do like box braids on her hair or um box braids French braids, you know, like just to help keep it neat, and especially in the mornings, it was always a fight, you know, like before school, like just to keep it neat, to keep whatever. But now that she's 17, she she does her own hair and she doesn't always put the amount of effort that it takes because I know that it takes a lot longer. Um, and like we've we've tried so many different products on her hair. Lately they've been using meal meal. So I mean, if you have a recommendation, I am like I would just love to hear it. But what what I also used to hate is that I have family members, you know, on the non-dark side of my family, yeah, who were just all too ready to say, well, why don't you just get her hair relaxed? Relaxed.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:50

And it's like that has always been the solution because I saw many people growing up for for years and decades, and we are now in a different time when natural hair is celebrated.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:04

And so And and also, I mean, she's a kid, so I don't for me, it's like I don't want to put chemicals and products in her hair if I don't have to, which is why braiding was always my answer because it, you know, like wash it, condition it, braid it, and it's you know, it's just it's it's and it's a good protective style, like there's so many things, and you know what?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:26

I didn't have somebody like a lot of people on my show, they were saying how they used to do so many perms and now they don't. But I also interviewed one person who's to this day is faithful to her perms, and her hair is long and healthy. I'm like, you know, like it can go both ways, but like there is a lot of different, a lot of different everything, and along with what you're saying, Lisa, like some a few, more than a few who not black people reached out to me and they're like, um, thank you. Thank you for talking about this because I'm white and my daughter is very mixed and I don't know what to do. I'm like, what? There's more than just black people listening to this podcast. Like, I my husband is white. I would kick him out like when I'm interviewing, because I want to I want to make sure I'm having the conversation that I would have without thinking, well, what will these people think if people think?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:24

Yeah, I need to think that's exactly what they want to hear.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:27

That's right, like that's when when we joke, because you know, sometimes like we'll say stuff and Agnes is like, oh, but you have your drop, and I'm like, Yeah, but it's hidden. Like nobody, nobody knows my drop is inside, you know. Like they look at me and they're like, oh, the like the white girl. I I get it. I I I know what you see when you you know, not you, but you know, like I know what people see when they look at me. So who cares what my father looks like? Because they don't they're not seeing him, they're not seeing what my family looks like, they're not seeing how I grew up, or you know, whatever, or or what my kids look like. My what my sister looks like, you know, I'm the white sheep of my family. That's what I like to say. But yeah. But it's but it is like something that the people who care will find because we do want to know the information and we do want to do right by the people who are counting on us. And in my case, that's my eldest daughter, because if if she would just let me brush her hair every day and style it, honestly, it'd probably be in braids because I I don't want to screw it up, I don't want to, you know, embarrass her by doing something that might she might not like, but I also don't want to mess with it. And you know, when she's she's older now, but you know, when she was a kid, it's like, well, when she's older, she can make those decisions for herself. She wants to straighten it, she wants to perm it, she wants to relax it. That's her choice.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:58

But you did your part trying to keep it as like virgin as possible.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:03

Yeah, the best way I knew how, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:06

I know my mom did not know what to do. A lot of and a lot of people don't know what to do or didn't know what to do, and there's a lot more education on what to do with um textured hair now, and um, I wish I had that growing up, but like it's nice that it's around now, and like my vision for the future is to be able to like see children and adults everywhere with the texture that like they're God-given. Like, this is the hair that's coming out of your scalp, and this is what beautiful would that be if everyone just run around with their hair, like however it grows out of their head, and nobody's shaming them for it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:46

What a revolutionary idea. Bananas, that's a dream. Bananas!

SPEAKER_00 1:16:55

What if we showed up to fancy events with our hair the way it grew out? Like, I still have trouble doing that. I'm like, oh, this is an important event.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:03

Should I Right straighten it? It's like as soon as it's an important event, that's what we all I mean, right? We straighten it.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:11

I've always happened if I wash it. Like, I'm at the point where it's like, if it's washed, this is what you're getting. I I like you're looking it's washed, and sometimes I put the clips on and I make a nice little bun, and like this is what you're getting. Uh listen.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:25

Oh, but it's hard just to maintain the health.

unknown 1:17:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:30

Like right now, I'm at the age where I want it healthy. Like my hair was always very thin, but at least it was thick. Now it's I was always fine, but now it's it was now it's fine and thin. I'm like, oh god, it looks great, Agnes. It looks so cute. Because I washed it just for you. I I wash, I actually wash and set my hair twice a week. Oh. I sleep in rollers with my bonnet. Yes. I washed my hair just for you last night. I'm like, okay, I won't be on, I won't be on camera. I got I can't. Yeah, I've been washing and setting my hair since I was 10. So I'm like, yeah, wash and set, sleep on the rollers.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:09

Yeah. I might have some questions for you because I've always wanted to try rollers, but I never have done it right.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:14

It depends on the hair, what works better. Sometimes a velcro, sometimes old, magnetic with the with the clips. It depends on the hair texture, the length. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:24

But you have to let it dry all the way.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:27

Yes, it has to be yeah, dry all the way before you unroll it.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:31

Okay. Maybe. Because I roll it wet.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:36

Roll it wet.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:37

Yes, I roll my hair wet.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:39

And it's all the way like detangled. Yes. And what kind of product do you put on it?

SPEAKER_01 1:18:47

I use um, depending on what my hair needs, either an olive oil based shampoo conditioner, if it needs moisture, if I need protein, I use egg whites, but just a wash and set. Um, and then that's the that's a shampoo. And then I have it's uh olive oil based hair lotion and olive oil hair syrup that I use for like the prep while it's still wet, and then I just part and roll.

unknown 1:19:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:19

And I put my my my my bonnet on.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:24

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:26

I'm gonna try something, and if it comes out look good, I'm gonna like email you or tag you or I will give you the name of my products, like direct at the pretty supply place, nothing, nothing fancy, then nothing special.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:38

Styling product. I'll give you the name of the styling products and everything in simple English because the shampoo and conditioner, Lisa, you were asking, my favorite is InnerSense, and I am not sponsored by InnerSense, but I we will try anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:52

We have tried the Tracy Ellis Ross products, we have Trump beats them all.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:57

Like they beat them all. I love InnerSense so much that they're the I think the only white people on my black hair podcast. And I'm like, they the the founders, the owner, like uh owners of I'm like, why aren't you guys marketing to black people? Because this stuff works on everybody's hair, and I love it. I love it. I love it, yes, yes, nice, love them.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:19

Cool. I just have unless unless anybody else has something. Um, I know you're on a time crunch, so we want to respect that. But before we let you go, we never got Agnes's hot seat question. Oh, oh try to get away. No, oh I we would talk about all the stuff, but we know I know, but I'm off but see I remembered.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:43

I had like a joke question, but since one time frame, okay, Disney princess mashup. If you could add two Disney princesses to be the ultimate Zelicia princess, who would it be?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:01

Oh, well, I mean, there's some Tiana in there for sure. And oh my god! Yeah, okay. Wait a minute. Okay, I'm sorry, I have to colorblind all of them for a second. And I I was just in a musical with a bunch of princesses in it, and they had their own personalities. So let me think, like um, classic Disney princesses, for my for who I am, I would say, oh well, I don't like the water all so I don't have to take out Ariel. I don't how about um I'm sorry, I love this question. I really do want to think about it. How about you know what? This might not be very accurate, but I'm gonna say Pocahontas and Tiana.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:58

That's the two that I said.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:00

Really? Yes, I said those would be her two. Because we went over our questions, just you know, also to make sure that they were different from one another. And then she said, Oh, and I'm thinking Pocahontas and Tiana. And I'm like, Well, don't, because she was gonna give you a choice.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:17

And I said, Don't so I leave the question open-ended. So I did open this mashup. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:25

Because I'm like, yes, following where the wind leads me and the colors of the wind. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:33

I'm a Libra, so I read people, I get you.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:37

Oh, you called that. You called it.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:39

She did call it though.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:40

Oh, you guys, this has been so fun.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:42

Thank you so much for having me. Listen, you please, please, please come back anytime because this is great.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:49

If you're ever bored on a Sunday, you're like, hey, what are you guys doing? We will make we will make time for you. Oh my god. Zoom you in.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:57

Thank you. Yeah, that's awesome. You guys are awesome and so fun. And also, like, you've like relaxed my mind a little bit about like maybe being having a same one.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:07

You know where to find us. So aside from Zoom, feel free to hit us up anytime you have a question that we can answer.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:14

Smoke signals.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:16

Smoke signals. Before though, please plug anything and everything you'd like to plug. Okay. And where, you know, where everybody can find you.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:26

Um, yes, my website is salishahomas.com. My Instagram is Salisha Thomas. Um I might be changing it soon to the Salisha show. Um, but yeah, my podcast is Black Hair Podcast on Instagram or Black Hair in the Big Leagues wherever you listen to podcasts. And oh, I have a YouTube channel. It's me, Salish, um, on YouTube. And so there might be other things coming soon, but those are the things that are there now. So thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:56

Thank you. It was it was obviously so great getting to know you. And hopefully, we will see you again at PodFest next year. Yes, you will. You will. I cannot wait to see you guys. Oh and hopefully we will drink the wine together.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:08

Yes, yeah. We won't buy so much alcohol next time. That's that problem.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:14

I don't think the problem was the amount of alcohol we bought. I think the problem was the amount of time we gave ourselves to drink it. To drink it, to drink it. Yes. Yeah, we're gonna have to invite more friends next time.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:27

Yeah, party in you guys' room. Let's go. All right, thank you guys so much.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:33

Thank you so much until next time. Until next time.